To make DH unwrap and rewrap presents for me?

[MincePieMum]

I want him to re-wrap my presents in the correct paper. Am I being a dick? Sorry this is long.

Every year DH stays up until 12/1/2am Christmas Eve and our DS is still young and giddy with excitement; he's prone to waking veeerrry early Christmas Day. Last year it was 4am and we did everything we could to get him back to bed but failed. This year will be no different. DH is then grumpy all day as he's not had enough sleep. Always promises next year will be different. I've been trying really hard to make this year easy on all of us. I've been wrapping a few presents a night for most of December.

I have done all the present buying for everyone including his family. Including oversees family and getting cards and presents written/posted in time.

We both work full time. He finished for Christmas more than a week ago, he had all of last week off. I finished for Christmas on Saturday lunchtime.

We've just had a massive argument over Christmas presents.

I asked him to come upstairs and help me sort through presents as I was having a massive twitch over DS present pile looking expensively small. He asked "do I have to do it now?" And I replied "how long shall I wait for you?" It turns out he meant to say "I don't want to, can't you worry about it now, then fix it all for us so that I can carry on not giving a fuck?"

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years. DS doesn't play with the tat and it will still be littering our planet 1000 years from now, still with the gift tag on. I'm being negative apparently.

I suggested giving one of my presents to DS instead. One of the presents I bought myself and put in a box in his wardrobe, in front of him, saying "here are 3 Christmas presents I really want this year. I bought them, all you need to do is wrap them". Because I tried the same thing last year and he didn't bother to wrap the present I bought myself, he just moved it along the shelf a little towards my side of the bed. Didn't put it under the tree or give it to me in person. So when I suggested my present for DS, he looked completely blank. He'd forgotten.

I asked what he had wrapped last week when he made a big show of hiding upstairs to wrap, when he'd been home alone all day and I'd just got in with DS from school and needed a quick turnaround to get him back out for football. No he hadnt cooked dinner.
He has got me other things, which is great, but it turns out he has used the paper that is only for gifts that come from Santa.

I had told him I was doing this. I told him last year that we should have separate paper, but he refused as he'd left everything to the last minute. I don't want a present for DS from Santa to be wrapped in the same paper as a present from DH to me. DS is going to suss and I'd rather not risk it. He agreed or he didn't listen and nodded in the right places.

So we've argued about all of this because I'm pissed and wouldn't let him off the hook. I'm not going to back down on this. Unless the general consensus is that I'm being a dick.

And a Merry Christmas to all ...

DO sounds very sensible and has had a lovely week off work rather than dashing round like a mad thing as you appear to have done. No one needs all those presents - if you have been wrapping several a night in December you much buy vast quantities for other people - never mind your DS having a small pile, if you really care about the planet (!) i’d stop doing that. We stopped buying for all but a few children in the family years ago - makes Christmas far less stressful and pleasant. Christmas does not need to be the major stress fest you are making it - it should be about being together with people we love. End of. I very much doubt your DS will be upset about a small pile of presents - if he is then a conversation about not being a spoilt brat is probably in order. I’d chill out, learn from your DH and try and figure how you might enjoy Christmas more next year. As an aside my DH is absolutely useless at buying me presents so we agree not to anymore, we have a good relationship and I couldn’t give a toot. We do have a lovely Christmas Day!!

DH not DO 🙄

You sound like hard work, I would've given up bothering if I was your DP, unless he does things exactly your way, he'll be wrong

Don't learn from your DH FFS unless you want no-one to have any presents next year.
But do manage your expectations. My DH will never be good at present buying it's just not him so I don't worry about getting him a present and he doesn't get me one and it saves a lot of stress and resentment because he doesn't care about a present at all and I don't care about a shit present that he hasn't thought about and I don't want.
It isn't about the wrapping paper it's about you having to do all the work. Next year make him wrap a couple of presents a night with you. There is no reason why he can't make an effort with your DS presents too. It is not magically your job because you are a mother.
Anyway I hope you've put it all behind you now and have a great Christmas.

I’m very particular about this. Especially with my dc being very observant. I’ve got certain one for DS and another one for dd. I usually hide them so no one else can use it. However my mum has used one of the other wrapping papers to wrap one of my sisters present from Santa and I’d already used it for presents under the tree. I guess you’ve gotta calmly explain to him the reason. Maybe he will feel more obliged to change it.

I think it's the fact that you do everything for Christmas that's making you angry at him about the paper.

Santa has bought you presents this year too, that's very special, you've been incredibly good, because adults don't usually get presents from Santa... All in excited tone! Honestly, don't make Christmas too stressful, I think we all tend to.

I've just copped the arsehole with DH about post Christmas and trying to make it perfect, because he wouldn't bring the bags to the kitchen from the door so I did and my jeans fell down- and because it was the least he could do seeing as id bee to Morrison's at 5am to finish the sorting Christmas food shop, all food I will spend the afternoon prepping. .. I'm just saying this because I'm the same, but we should be focusing less on making the day perfect, but treating those around us, and ourselves better. I for one shan't be doing it this way next Christmas. I'm more likely to book a Christmas dinner in a restaurant for the family instead of doing it at home. It must cost about the same?

I think it's reasonable to expect him to help much more with Christmas, but it's not reasonable to expect that to be on your timetable. You've said you're sick of lying in bed alone on Christmas eve while he messes about downstairs getting things done. If I were you I'd pick out a good book or magazine or something to save for Christmas eve so that you're looking forward to the alone time. If he again regrets doing everything last minute and not getting enough sleep that's on him to sort next year and not you.

In every live in relationship I've had (5 including DH) the man has done more housework than I have. That's because I have a higher tolerance for mess than even most men so they soon realise if they don't do it themselves it won't get done! Then I help them by doing things they ask me to do. I've realised this is how most men get away with doing less and feel like I've figured out their trick! It's that they care less. It applies to things other than housework too.... (by the way I try to do my share now but DH does more, including all the Christmas cards and all gifts for his big family. I cook and I also clean a little and that's about it).

How to stop being a martyr? Just stop enabling him. For example if you need him to make dinner just tell him that's what you need. If he doesn't do it ask him why not, then get McDonald's or something with your DS instead of doing it yourself. Tell him he's sorting his own family's presents next year and tell his family that. If he doesn't do it that's on him, not you. If you want him to take a turn cleaning the house tell him and don't clean it yourself, wait until he does it.

The trick in all honestly is to care less. He cares less than you do so you do everything. You need to care just that little bit less than he does and quit taking responsibility for everything. Have backup plans if him not doing something will lead to disaster (his family not getting gifts one year or more likely getting emailed Amazon vouchers at 3am Christmas eve :-) is not a disaster as long as you announce he's taking over presents for them).

And I'd probably rewrap the presents myself this time if I were you - give up winning this battle, focus on winning the war!

Christ there are some sanctimonious posts on here. Glad all your lives and partners are perfect. Sometimes it’s the seemingly little things like this that tip you over the edge.

You are not being unreasonable. But next year tell him he’s responsible for his family and some specific things for ds. Including buying his own paper. It’s what I did, and the first year it was embarrassing but I made clear to his family he was responsible as I can’t do it all, and the next year his effort was much better. I think the first year he expected me to do the shopping as always but I didn’t- gave him two reminders and left him to it - he’s a grown up in your relationship too!

You sound very overwrought! Just re-wrap it yourself and stop sounding like you are spoilt. Perhaps if your DH doesn't help just cut down on stuff next year and don't worry about everything so much.

FYI my OH has bought my amazon wish list (I think/hope!) the boxes they came in are all under the tree not wrapped. I am freaking delighted and can't wait!!

I'm pissed as in angry, not drunk

Pissed off, you mean then.

I didn't read all the way through. YABU for not working out what information is relevant before posting.

Some thoughts:

Your DH has been an arse for leaving Christmas to you. What are you going to do to make sure this doesn't happen next year?

You could have wrapped the presents again in the time it took to write the post

He sounds a lazy git.

We don't worry about paper as Santa has never wrapped presents as he doesn't have time to wrap presents for all the boys and girls in the world, he never wrapped when we were young either.

One of use takes each child shopping to but present for their sibling then them shopping together for the other parent, this way they feel involved in choosing and learn Christmas is about giving not just receiving.

The saddest thing in your post is that your child is 7 and you still haven't taught him about the value (monetary and more importantly thought) of what he gets just the quantity. It isn't about quantity or price it's about the thought and love involved.

YAB perfectly reasonable.

1.You have put in all the work to deliver Christmas even though he's had a week off.

1. Your DH is not playing along with the Father Christmas thing, he's also not listening and as a result actively working to expose Father Christmas!

My DH has done similar. I do everything present wise. To be fair he gets involved in food (but mostly because he wants to ensure he eats exactly what he fancies at Christmas).

This year I bought my own presents ( pjs etc) and left them in a plastic bag next to his clothes bag for him to bring, as we are with family for Christmas. He has forgotten the bag. Whilst I don't mind - he has been very grumpy about it and keeps threatening to drive the four hour round trip to get them.

One previous year I encouraged him into wrapping youngest DDs gifts (with paper and presents I'd supplied and paid for). He then proceeded to carry them downstairs to put under the tree in .front .of . her.

I intercepted him and turned him back upstairs. When asked what the hell he was doing he said he "forgot" that presents under the tree were adult ones. He forgot we put a stocking out with mince pies for Santa. He forgot I put her presents out as a surprise whilst she was asleep.

Seemed to think it was no big deal she'd seen.

YANBU

This is our first Christmas without my husband. I used to get wound up about little things like this early in our relationship. Don’t let it take a death to make you realise how petty this shit it. Realise now. Re wrap the presents/ don’t re wrap it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. If your child susses the paper just think of a cover up. Next October sit your husband down and draw up a list of who does what. Did I really read that you brought you own presents from your DH? Why bother just don’t buy for each other one less stress.

I would give everything to be waking up on Christmas Eve worrying about some wrapping paper shit. Instead today I balance excitement with their grief for their father. But we will tackle the days with positivity as there’s always others in worst situations.

I would do the same re the paper. We ALWAYS have different paper for Santa gifts. However, the real issue is your husband is a lazy arse.

silverlining don't be such a nasty twat, you got a reindeer stuck up your butt or something?

Yes rewrap it but please don't be angry. It's Christmas. I've got all my childrens wrapping to do tonight!

Bluewidow. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope tomorrow is as good as can be.

In response to the OP, the wrapping paper doesn't matter. It really doesn't. As others have said, the issue is more with your DP who sounds a bit selfish. It sounds like you need a break...

Two things here.

The wrapping paper is just symbolic of your DHs lack of thought and laziness about doing anything that is important to you. I’d not make him do it again.

The other is your need to have everything just so and how some things men a so much to you that it has really upset you.

My response to the first is to buy your DH a bored Lynx deodorant set and no wrap it. Really. Just do that. Save your love and care on present giving for a 7 year old.

Buy yourself gifts, don’t wrap them, don’t save for Christmas, just enjoy them.

Let go of your need for Christmas to be a particular way. You think it will make is wonderful but it’s doing the exact opposite.

Most importantly look at division of labour in your house. Is it because he is a thoughtless lazy entitled git or is it because he’s given up doing anything because it has to be your way or nothing?

Get a babysitter or take some time out when your son is with friends and tell your husband you need to talk about this, really talk. Then listen to him. Let him talk. Really hear what he has to say.

Hmmmm, sounds like my parents did "Santa" wrong my whole childhood.
He was more the delivery man rather than the gift giver, we knew the presents were from "mum and dad" or "granny and grandpa" or whoever. My brother believed until he was almost a teenager!

I can’t be arsed unpacking why the multitude of ‘chill out’ posts are bollocks, I don’t have the energy today.

Suffice to say, YANBU OP.

Your husband leaves you with 100% of the emotional labour in your family and doesn’t give a fuck about things that are important to you. I’d be reconsidering my marriage, quite honestly.

Your DH is a useless shit who makes you feel unloved with his lack of thought. YANBU. As to the gifts for you in FC paper - tell DS your gifts are from FC. Tell him DH didn't get shy as he's on the naughty list

OP,

It seems you and your husband have different ideas about Christmas. You see it as a project that needs accomplishing, he sees it as a chilled out time of year. The problem is that you want to co-opt your husband into helping provide the perfect Christmas. I guess the question is what Christmas would be like if you left it to him. If he expects a Disney Christmas (which seems your ideal) but is not prepared to put the work in to make it happen, he is being unreasonable. If his actual preference is to chill and exchange a few presents,then co-opting him into your Christmas is quite unfair.

You do come across as quite materialistic in talking about the three things that you have ‘bought yourself’ that you ‘really really wanted’. It seems like the most family money will end up being spent on you and, yet, you are still resentful that these self-bought treats have not yet been wrapped.

Finally, rewrapping presents from ‘Santa’ is ridiculous. I never really liked Santa as a child and used to lie awake thinking my stocking would be empty if I could not get to sleep (Santa only comes to sleeping children). Once a child is old enough to question the truth the kind thing to do is to be honest, not having him argue wrongly with his school friends.

I think you need to have an honest discussion with your husband about what compromises you can both make to have a mutually fun and relaxing Christmas.

*any not shy ffs