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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
FloofenHoofen · 23/12/2018 09:57

Men have a skewed reality of what is and isn't cheating. Purely because their nob didn't enter anything it's not cheating apparently.

mumtomaxwell · 23/12/2018 10:04

Actually I disagree and think YABU! If my DH went to a strip club I wouldn’t consider it cheating. I’d be more cross about the spectacular waste of money because of the entrance fees/expensive drinks!

He has been to them on stag nights, but I can’t say I’ve ever given it much thought! Perhaps I’m being naive but I trust him and we’ve been happy together for over 15 years.

formerbabe · 23/12/2018 10:05

It's a bit grim...but the actual act of entering a strip club isn't cheating imo. Depends what happens inside.

I think considering he didn't go and just came home, your reaction is unreasonable and slightly ott.

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 23/12/2018 10:06

No, I don’t think it is cheating. I do think it is pretty grim though.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 10:07

I’m a bit confused as to why you were pissed off with him in the first place tbh, since he didn’t go.

Yes, I would consider it cheating. Thankfully DP feels the same and doesn’t have a high opinion of men who go to strip clubs.

But I’m confused as to how the argument came about?

WeeBeasties · 23/12/2018 10:07

I don't consider it cheating. I do consider going to one without discussing it with your partner unacceptable behaviour, but I can't see how you can justify it as cheating?

ScottishMummy12 · 23/12/2018 10:07

Yabu how is it cheating?

calmsealife · 23/12/2018 10:08

I would not consider it cheating at all. Have any of you actually been into a strip club? It's not even that bad. All the girls just think of the men as simply a person giving them money, the girls don't want anything more.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/12/2018 10:09

It’s not cheating

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 10:10

How is it not cheating? I agree completely OP. As you say if a woman was grinding all over your partner at a party it would be cheating, apparently the exchange of money makes it fine Confused

Nicknamesalltaken · 23/12/2018 10:10

I don’t think it’s cheating, but it says an awful lot about a man’s attitude towards women and that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Maybe83 · 23/12/2018 10:10

I don't consider it cheating either.

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 10:10

ChristmasTwattery we didn’t argue?? Confused

Surprised more people don’t consider a man asking a woman to get naked and rub themselves all over him cheating
Weird

OP posts:
Bluewidow · 23/12/2018 10:10

It’s not cheating is it depending obviously what happens when in there 😏. He didn’t go so I don’t really know why you had beef with him. He sounds like he would have liked to have gone but came home because of you. I’d think that was pretty good if someone did that for me. It saying you should be overly grateful but I wouldn’t have gotten into an argument about it.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 10:11

calmsealife no I haven’t, and I know what the women think, it’s the creepy men who have wives and parters that I have an issue with.

If a man feels the need to go and pay a woman to take her clothes off, he’s a creep. It’s that simple. He’s also pathetic.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 10:12

Sorry OP, from the way your post is written it sounded like an argument.

MuddyMoose · 23/12/2018 10:12

YABU & quite OTT. I wouldn't class it as cheating although do think it's a bit grim. However, the women dance - they don't 'rub their naked bodies all over men' as a general rule.

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 10:12

And I have been to a strip club. I have an ex who worked in finance in the city and it was a common Friday night outing for his colleagues. Paying for ‘extras’ was common, drugs rife, exDP bought his coke from the stripper’s dealer (charmer that he was.) All the girls looked dead behind the eyes, i only went once and the memories still disturb me. This was a pretty decent club as well so I dread to think of the dodgier places.

Dontaskmeihaventaclue · 23/12/2018 10:12

I don't understand why you're giving him such a hard time. He didn't 'cheat' did he? He came home to you. Which probably means that he also feels uncomfortable morally with it. He's probably also thinking damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I agree with your views by the way, but everyone else has the right to their own opinions. It seems like you're having a non argument for the sake of it. He's already shown he is uncomfortable with it so can't you just move on now? This could rumble on for days and ruin Christmas otherwise.

bridezilla1 · 23/12/2018 10:12

I wouldn't consider it cheating. Unless you pay for a private dance (which is quite pricey and that would annoy me as it's also family money despite the cheating issue) there wouldn't really be much if any contact with the girls. In the same way that I wouldn't consider it cheating to see a male dream boys type show.

I can't say I'd like a partner to go there but I wouldn't leave him over it or consider it cheating.

OoohAyyye · 23/12/2018 10:13

I don't consider it cheating but I wouldn't be happy about DP going to one for many reasons and if he did go and hadn't told me I'm not sure how I would react/feel.

It's okay to not be okay with them.

Nicknamesalltaken · 23/12/2018 10:14

I am on the fence about whether or not it’s cheating in some form. Possibly is. I am very firmly in the camp that any man who thinks it’s ok to pay a woman so he can watch her get naked isn’t a man I want in my life.

calmsealife · 23/12/2018 10:14

You have to pay for a private lap dance for a stripper to be rubbing up against you.

So do you class seeing male strippers as cheating?

peeblet · 23/12/2018 10:14

depends on the club. some are just bats with girls dancing away from them which I wouldn't consider cheating. but paying for a private lap dance i would.

Meganc559 · 23/12/2018 10:14

I wouldnt consider it cheating although I would be ragin. They can't touch the women so they re technically not doing anything they re just having a girl dance on them, if he went by himself I would be worried. Ut if he went with friends it's not as bad. And anyway he didn't go you should be happy not getting mad at him cause if you do get angry with him. He ll probably go next time he gets the opportunity as ypu were mad at him anyway