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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
TheLovelyOtherDinosaur · 23/12/2018 10:59

I think you’re being ridiculous. It’s the same as women watching dream boys or having a butler in the buff or whatever. It’s usually just a laugh with a bunch of mates.
It’s not my cup of tea but my husband has been to see strippers with his mates- usually on a stag do and I couldn’t care less!
He is a lovely man, an amazing husband and father and we have a great relationship ...and it’s just a bit of fun. No one is hurt no boundaries crossed, I really don’t see the big deal and as for starting an arguement about NOT going...the poor guy can’t win!

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 10:59

kaytee
Back and forth means ‘of course it’s cheating’ ‘no it isnt’ ‘Yes it is’ ‘no it isn’t’ ‘of course it is’ ‘of course it isnt’
People are making out like I was screaming at him for even uttering the word stripper Hmm it’s getting a bit silly now

OP posts:
PrivateVasquez · 23/12/2018 10:59

The way you've described your "conversation" makes you sound like you were very confrontational/angry, OP. That's why it sounds like an argument.

As for whether it's cheating or not, it depends what goes on I suppose. If its just pole dancers or whatever dancing with no physical contact, then I don't think it's cheating. If it's a private lap dance or grinding/touching, etc. (and I've no idea how common that is since I've never been to one or known people who go) then yes, it is.

kaytee87 · 23/12/2018 10:59

I swear but swearing at someone is completely different. Maybe your partner doesn't like you swearing at him? I know I wouldn't.

Crazybunnylady123 · 23/12/2018 11:00

It’s all about an individuals personal take on things. I personally have higher standards and my man would not even think about doing this. It’s not on his radar to waste our family money or cheat/exploit women. I also would never even look at anyone else, I don’t care about anyone else. 15 years and he is all I want. I guess that’s just real love for u. If your bloke does it and you don’t care that’s cool. You just need to be on the same page really. Smile

MiraculousMarinette · 23/12/2018 11:00

Whilst technically it is not cheating as there is no intercourse and no emotions apart from one-sided lust, it's still very hurtful to the other party.

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 11:00

Ok if no-ones willing to accept that we didn’t argue then I’m bowing out of the thread 🙄

OP posts:
PrivateVasquez · 23/12/2018 11:01

The whole thing about it being exploitative and gross is what makes them more off bounds for me, tbh. Wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks it's ok to financially support that.

Knittink · 23/12/2018 11:03

I agree with you, OP. Regardless of physical touching. Whatever your definition of 'actual cheating' is, would it be ok if your dh got a female friend to dance naked for him? No. So why is it ok if it's a stranger?

PengAly · 23/12/2018 11:03

I dont consider strip clubs to be cheating at all- you do not get "naked rubbing" when you enter one. I do think you are coming across quite like a nag. And your "conversation" reads like an argument, i feel bad for you DH that he had to come home to that attitude when he respected your OTT wishes and came home.

ChipsAreLife · 23/12/2018 11:04

It's no different to porn really. I'm not sure why it being live makes it different personally.

I get you have reasons for not liking strip clubs, that's valid. But you can't really calm it cheating maybe more a betrayal of your feelings on it is appropriate.

YoungLennyGodber · 23/12/2018 11:09

YABU and a bit OTT.

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 11:10

People really can’t see the difference between real people and videos of people? Can you see the difference between masturbation and sex?

abacucat · 23/12/2018 11:13

The people in videos are REAL people.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 11:14

A nag, a word that is only ever used to put women down when they are objecting to a man behaving unreasonably.

polkadotpixie · 23/12/2018 11:15

I wouldn't consider it cheating if he was just present in the venue watching the dancers on the pole

I wouldn't be happy if he had a private dance

Eliza9917 · 23/12/2018 11:18

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

Apparently they don't rub themselves all over the men, they dance in front of them Hmm It's hardly cheating imo.

I wouldn't be fussed if DP went to a strip club because I know he wouldn't cheat and wouldn't be interested in doing anything with anyone else.

Whobloodyknows · 23/12/2018 11:19

I once went to a strip club with a bisexual friend and she knew the owner so we were ushered into a private area. She had a dance, which i partly witnessed, and it was highly sexual - definite naked rubbing- I honestly didn’t know where to look and left after about 5 seconds Xmas Blush

PengAly · 23/12/2018 11:21

Nothing wrong with using the term nag- id use it on men to! The issue is the people who think its only a "woman word" Hmm

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 11:22

Obviously they are real people, but they are not psychically there. Do you have the same reaction to something you seen on tv to if you saw it in real life? Would seeing a video of your DP or children be the same as them being there? Obviously a video of people is different to a physical person in front of you, how is that a hard concept?

Nicknamesalltaken · 23/12/2018 11:27

But that’s the danger isn’t it? When you stop seeing people in videos as really people.

WorraLiberty · 23/12/2018 11:28

I told him to get a fucking grip the other day because he was heaving whilst changing the babies nappy - the mere presence of a swear word doesn’t make it an argument

No, but speaking to someone like shit generally does.

Aragog · 23/12/2018 11:30

It's one of my boundaries. I would not be happy, it would be a strain on our relationship and a private dance would be a complete no no and would have be considering asking him to go.

Dh is aware and fortunately has no interest anyway, so it's ever been an area of conflict. On a stag do he went on last year he and a couple of others didn't go. They headed for a curry together instead of going with the other 3 or 4 to a strip club. Not all blokes think they are a must do thing, and many are able to say no and walk away, not just follow the herd when in a group.

Dh doesn't expect me to be grateful to him for not going though. That would annoy me.

AnyFucker · 23/12/2018 11:30

I stand with you, op

And looky here, a woman clearly stating her boundaries is mauled for being argumentative, aggressive and people are feeling sorry for her male partner

And yes, it is "my way or the highway" when it comes down to a choice between being a user of the sex industry versus being in a relationship with me

We don't need men to slap us down do we...lots of handmaidens are happy to step into that role and save them the job

Notacluethisxmas · 23/12/2018 11:30

I wouldn't consider it cheating. But I would not be happy about him going either.

The girls only rub themseleves on men if that's what the men have paid for.

A lap dance is very different to just going in the strip club.

But again, I would not want to be with someone who went in these places