To consider going to a strip club cheating?

[DonaldDucksTowel]

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

@NewMum120 I'm with you on this one.
If you mean Mumsnet, yes, it's all support etc. Only in certain viewpoints though, others hatred or closed off mindsets

Newmum and Gliitter, the OP asked a question posters have answered and given their reasons and disagreed with each other. This is AIBU after all.

Newmum that's the point of AIBU

Going to a strip club is not cheating. If he pays for extras while he's there then that's totally different.

@imissgmichael - you can’t call someone a victim in one breath and then further victimise by saying they demean themselves and are wank machines!!! Do you not see the irony 🤣.

I’m not sure why you feel you’re judge and jury on whether stripping demeans women when the women on here doing it say otherwise.

It can be demeaning of course if you hate it, are forced into it. But trust me, many many women do it coz they love it and earn ALOT!!!!

I would fall off my chair if DH ever ended up in a strop club because a) he is a feminist and is against the objectification of women (plus has daughters) and b) he is terribly British and would turn into Hugo from Four Weddings and apologise to the dancers for being there.

That said, it wouldn't occur to me to consider it de facto cheating. Guys can get dragged along to these things and there is a wide spectrum of behaviour once there. There will always be the guys that are leering and leching, and there will be the guys that have gone due to peer pressure, are massively uncomfortable and avoid looking at anything and are just waiting for it to be over.

*Strip club not strop club. DH basically lives in a strop club.

newmum not sure that you have quite understood what AIBU is...

I just think you can express your opinions or point of view without being nasty or rude to people.. that all?

Not sure anyone has been either nasty or rude. Just forthright.

That said, it wouldn't occur to me to consider it de facto cheating. Guys can get dragged along to these things and there is a wide spectrum of behaviour once there. There will always be the guys that are leering and leching, and there will be the guys that have gone due to peer pressure, are massively uncomfortable and avoid looking at anything and are just waiting for it to be over.

Exactly. Lots on here seem to be determined to prove their feminist credentials by showing how uncompromising and extreme they can be. I expect some would dump their DH for watching Strictly (surely the skirts those dancers wear is objectifying and unnecessary!)

That is an utterly ridiculous comment re Strictly. Pathetic.

I am genuinely sad that there are women happy for their husbands/partners to be watching and wanking off to porn (regardless of how unethical it might be), visiting strip clubs and letching over women young enough to be their daughters and generally treating women like a commodities that can be bought and sold.
Can you not see that this translates in to how men treat women as a class and that it hurts us all?

Depressing.

But @starcrossed, women go too!!!!!!!! And I have never encountered any man being inappropriate in the clubs I’ve been to. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but it’s not my experience. I enjoy having a lap dance and I enjoy speak to the dancer afterwards. It’s very enlightening and not depressing at all

I have been to lots of lesbian clubs for over 30 years and never seen a stripper. Not saying it does not happen, but not common. It may be a certain kind of club that does this. Although note that unlike 10 years ago, there are probably only a handful of lesbian clubs in Britain.

If dh went for a lapdance then I would immediately grind nakedly on both his best friend and his dad to demonstrate the issue.

So saying lesbian clubs have women stripping is as false as saying pubs have women stripping.
Actually just remembered in over 30 years of going to lesbian clubs, at times 2 or 3 times a week, and in different cities, I only ever remember one club advertising that they were having a woman stripping one night. I did not go and they did not do it again.
So no in general, lesbian clubs do not have women stripping in them.

Which ones currently do?

So no response. I supect google did not throw up any lesbian clubs that had women stripping in them.

Happy Christmas everyone btw!!! Xx

smile I am not sure what your point is re lesbian stripping? I have never been to a lesbian cub and would be very surprised if lesbians clubs supported this but perhaos some do.

Just because some women are lesbians does not make them feminists you know...

Oh and thanks for calling me a 'fundamentalist' because I think that stripping, porn and prostitution are anti-women. I'll take that.

No, it's not cheating IMO. I'd be a bit cheesed off, though.

Basically if your definition of cheating is 'having sexially-motivated physical relations with someone other than your partner/spouse', then a strip club is't technically cheating. If your definition of cheating is 'having sexually-motivated interaction (not necessarily including physical contact) with someone other than your partner/spouse', then the strip club is cheating.

There will always be the guys that are leering and leching, and there will be the guys that have gone due to peer pressure

So the man who goes to a strip club is either a disgusting lech or a pathetic sheep. Neither sounds terribly appealing. An adult should have learnt how to resist peer pressure. Or at least to accept the consequencesof his sherp-like behaviour when called out on it.

Well you have written the op as yo,so I told him a big ole argument.all aerated
Now youre disputing that and it was in fact an exploration of competing ideologies
He didn’t go to strip club,no one rubbed against him.his main action was kebab
Can’t grasp what your problem is
I had the misfortune to be at a hen do with strippers,no rubbing.just grin dancing