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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 23/12/2018 10:14

YABU.

Going to a strip club isn't cheating. Depends what happens while there.

I agree with him, he came home cause he knew how you gelt anf you had a go at him

bridezilla1 · 23/12/2018 10:15

Surprised more people don’t consider a man asking a woman to get naked and rub themselves all over him cheating
Weird

But this doesn't really happen? They'd have to pay a lot for the privedge generally they are more of a "gentlemans club" with expensive drinks, and women in lingerie/outfits trying to get men to pay for dances.

Moominfan · 23/12/2018 10:15

Every relationship has its own boundaries. He didn't go in so clearly on some level agrees

cyantist · 23/12/2018 10:16

Just going to a strip club I definitely wouldn't class as cheating. I think you're being a bit OTT.

Badcat666 · 23/12/2018 10:16

I've seen the Chippendale's a few times in my life. Did I cheat on MrBC by going to watch them? nope. Was I exploiting men by watching them strip and oil up? Nope.

In fact I've been to a couple of strip clubs where the ladies take their clothes off and what the Chippendale's did on stage involved more baby oil, clothing being removed, baying from the audience and thrusting groins in other people faces and body contact than the ladies strip club.

WeeBeasties · 23/12/2018 10:17

OP you are talking about paying for lap dances. You don't automatically get a lap dance when you go to a strip club. It's an extra you pay extra for.

If your DH went to the club for drinks but didn't buy a dance, is that cheating?

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 10:18

I should add, I’d rather eat my own shite than go and see male strippers.

Racecardriver · 23/12/2018 10:19
  1. Strip clubs don’t necessitate naked rubbing
  2. Even when that dies occur it’s unreasonable to cal that cheating without prior discussion. People have very varried notions of what minimum behaviour due cheating is from insignificant things like flirting once while drunk to a drawn out affair. Most people would consider sleeping with someone else definitely cheating but if your threshold is lower then you need to state it rather than expect your partner to read your mind.
TheBigBangRocks · 23/12/2018 10:19

Going to a strip club isn't cheating, not really any different than watching porn.

You are entitled to your views on strip clubs and he is to his.

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 10:19

Not sure why you all think we argued and this is ruining Christmas Confused
We didn’t and everything’s fine, it was just a conversation
He didn’t go because he knows I don’t agree with them and I kicked him out when he’s been to one before, I’ve tried to educate him on the exploitation factor and he think to some extent he gets that now, but he doesn’t agree that it’s cheating and I said I think it is
Christmas will still be happy, we just disagree on something Confused

OP posts:
Callmedarcy · 23/12/2018 10:20

Some people have open marriages ... so sleeping with someone else wouldn’t be cheating.

Cheating is defined by the people in the relationship. If you think going to a stripclub is cheating then you need to make that clear.

MissionItsPossible · 23/12/2018 10:20

From a gay guys perspective on a straight stag, from my experience I do agree with the comments saying it isn’t cheating but also agree with the grim comments. It opened up to a side I didn’t know before and I thought less of the guys with partners and how they acted that night, some including family. I could not believe the casual stance as to “oh it’s just a strip club”.

When it was my turn for a private dance in a private room, we instead had a chat and talked about Black Mirror lol

LettuceP · 23/12/2018 10:22

I have been to our local strip club a few times and I have no problem with DH going there for a drink with his friends. I've said to him that I would not be ok with him having a private dance, for me that crosses the line.

TidyDancer · 23/12/2018 10:22

I agree with what I think is the majority so far - I don't consider this cheating. It sounds like you got argumentative with him (yes, I know you said you didn't argue but you swore at him and had a 'back and forth' so I'm assuming there was some amped debate at least) for no real reason. He didn't even go in!

I wouldn't choose for DP to go somewhere like this but I would never regard the simple act of going inside to be cheating, that's very extreme imo.

calmsealife · 23/12/2018 10:23

It sounds like it's your way or the highway!

SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 10:23

To me it's all about the intent...

Is having a massage cheating? Going to the physio? Both them involve a certain amount of nakedness and rubbing.

What about watching porn? I.e. getting sexual pleasure out of something/someone that is not your partner. Is that cheating?

What about going to a ballet? They are often wearing very little and are amazing to look at. That could be arousing for some, I guess. Is that cheating?

user1493413286 · 23/12/2018 10:23

No I don’t think it’s particularly different to watching porn but then I also don’t have an issue with that

SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 10:25

BTW I totally agree with you OP, I think they are vile and would find it hard to respect someone who wanted to go to one. But I still wouldn't consider it 'cheating'.

insancerre · 23/12/2018 10:25

It’s not cheating and you sound quite controlling

tashac89 · 23/12/2018 10:26

Meh. I see cheating as going against whatever agreements the people in the relationship have made. In my relationship, going to a strip club wouldn't be cheating.

Nicknamesalltaken · 23/12/2018 10:26

I wouldn’t go and see the Chippendales, magic mike or anything with ‘butlers in the buff’. I wouldn’t think going was cheating, but I wouldn’t think it’s a fun thing to do either. Objectification doesn’t do it for me.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 23/12/2018 10:26

Cheating or not I wouldn't be happy for our family money to fund the sex industry in any way so it's a deal breaker for me. However my partner knew this before we got together.

Also my ex had an affair with a stripper so another reason why it's a no for me personally.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 10:26

Not sure why you all think we argued and this is ruining Christmas

Because in your OP it sounds like an argument. I’m beginning to see where he’s coming from tbh. Poor man can’t win!

BitOutOfPractice · 23/12/2018 10:26

I would consider someone telling me to "get a fucking grip" to be an argument. That and your angry tone. But there you go.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 23/12/2018 10:28

You sound like a nag

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