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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
WeirdAl17 · 23/12/2018 11:36

Entering a strip clubhouse isn’t cheating. I have no issue with with my partner going to a strip club but it depends on the context. if it was a one off for an occasion, like a lame stag do then meh, who cares. But if it was a regular thing and if my partner ever paid for any ‘service’ then of course I wouldn’t be happy.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 11:36

Patrick Yes I do realise the people in videos are real people and that does affect how I view anything I see. So I hate videos where kids have accidents that we are supposed to laugh at, and it was obvious an accident was going to happen. The accident could probably have been prevented if the person filming had just intervened instead of filming. I hate that, precisely because the kids are real people. The fact it is filmed does not make me hate it less, in fact it makes it worse.

WeirdAl17 · 23/12/2018 11:36

Club. Not clubhouse.

Pinkprincess1978 · 23/12/2018 11:42

I don't have a problem so much with watching women strip on a stage but a lap dance is cheating absolutely. If he went to a club and some woman danced all over him and rubbed her boobs up in his face and he let her I would be furious. If he paid for it, it makes it worse!

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 11:50

That’s not what I asked, but whatever 🤷‍♀️

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 12:25

I swear regularly, both online and in RL. It’s extremely rare that I’d swear AT someone, which I think is very different. I’ve never, in 7.5 years sworn at DP and he’s never sworn at me. It’s not something I’d accept, so feel free to think it’s normal, but that doesn’t mean it is for everyone.

Having read the whole thread and all your responses I feel quite sorry for your man. You make mountains out of molehills and aren’t happy even when he does something right!

Whereartthouname · 23/12/2018 12:26

@DonDrapersOldFashioned no Australia. So dirty. Its cheating in my books

Margay · 23/12/2018 12:46

Can people actually RTFT? The OP did NOT give him grief for “doing right” or for “not going”. She was pissed off that he expected praise for not being an arse!

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 12:47

Margay I’m not entirely sure that’s what happened, OP is pretty aggressive on here, so it’s not a massive leap to assume she’s like that with him. Especially since she thinks nothing of swearing at her partner!

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 12:50

Going to a strip club would tell me so much about a man and his attitude to women and none of it is positive.
I could never be with a man who thought that buying women is ok.

safariboot · 23/12/2018 13:05

YANBU to regard it as cheating.

YABU to have a row over it in the middle of the night, especially as your DH didn't even go anyway!

YWouldBU to assume that your DH or anyone else will know you consider it cheating without you having told them.

DramaAlpaca · 23/12/2018 13:15

I am also with you OP. I consider it cheating & it would be a dealbreaker for me.

I'm really surprised at how many posters think it's not cheating.

BroomHandledMouser · 23/12/2018 13:17

Ofcourse it’s not cheating ffs!!

DitaVonPeas · 23/12/2018 13:21

It's only not cheating if the women in strip clubs are less actual women than one who was doing it for fun and not money.

Men think women they pay aren't human. They think they can do things with sex workers that they know full well they couldn't do with recreational partners because they're not actual women.

Coming from an ex stripper.

DitaVonPeas · 23/12/2018 13:21

Apparently a lot of women think sex workers are less actual women too.

Flowerpot2005 · 23/12/2018 13:24

I think you've a very skewed view on what a stripper is & what goes on in a strip club tbh.

Where do you get the idea that strippers a poor vilnerable women & that every club allows its strippers to rub their fully naked body all over blokes?

I don't think it's cheating to go to a club, for me it's more I'd not be comfortable with it. That said, if I trusted a DP & knew it was on the cards as part of a stag do etc, I'd accept it because it's my problem not theirs.

AGHHHH · 23/12/2018 13:39

Another one saying its not cheating.

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 23/12/2018 13:43

@DonaldDucksTowel

If he was say at a party with friends and a female friend took her clothes off and started grinding on his lap everyone would consider him to be a cheating dbag so why is it different because a woman is a stripper and doing it for a living?

That's always been my POV.

Early in our relationship my husband and I established what we both considered cheating which included strip clubs. The agreement was that if we continued to be in a relationship then we were both agreeing that anything we'd outlined was considered cheating and we wouldn't do that.

You have outlined to your partner that you consider strip clubs cheating, therefore if he goes to one he's cheated on you. If he can't agree that is considered cheating within your relationship then he needs to be shown the door.

Thentherewascake · 23/12/2018 13:45

Reverse that and think of all the women who are not allowed to LOOK at a man and show their hair because it's cheating and shaming their husband.

It says more about you if you think a strip club is cheating than about the men (and women, if rare) who do. None of it is positive about you I am afraid!

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 13:48

Fortunately my DH has strong morals and wouldn’t attend as he understands the explotative nature of strip clubs.

We attended a house party to celebrate someone's 18th birthday. The birthday males mum got him a stripper. The stripper was very young and looked liked she was in some sort of a drug induced trance. She also looked very thin and I’m talking skeletal.

We were shocked at the baying wild animal like behaviour of grown men and how their partners smiled indulgently. Strangely enough the birthday lad and his friends of the same age looked horrified and left the room whilst the older men, all firemen, acted awfully. I wouldn’t have liked to leave my daughter in their care and hope I just their behaviour isn’t an indication on how all firemen act ( I’m sure it isn’t).

PinkAvocado · 23/12/2018 13:49

I began thinking that I wouldn’t consider it cheating to just go to a strip club but after reading the replies I’ve changed my mind. Watching a naked woman move in a way that is meant to be arrousing isn’t ok. And thatsbaside from the exploitation and objectification angle.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 14:17

Reverse that and think of all the women who are not allowed to LOOK at a man and show their hair because it's cheating and shaming their husband

It says more about you if you think a strip club is cheating than about the men (and women, if rare) who do. None of it is positive about you I am afraid!

FFS. Confused

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 14:30

It says more about you if you think a strip club is cheating than about the men (and women, if rare) who do. None of it is positive about you I am afraid!

If you think that a committed man should be happy enough to go and pay a perfect stranger to see her naked and that’s ok, I’m afraid it’s you who has revealed less than positive things about yourself. I think it’s pathetic that you’re defending a man who thinks this is ok, and worse than that, telling any woman who has an issue with it she’s wrong.

Fucks sake, raise your standards.

Thentherewascake · 23/12/2018 14:33

starcrossedseahorse

true though.

Thentherewascake · 23/12/2018 14:34

Well ,I won't even go into the hypocrisy of going to Magic Mike shows and getting various firemen and TOWIE guys calendar, they are not designed just for the male gay market.

I wonder if the ones suffering from such a low self-esteem that they believe a strip club is cheating have even ever put a foot in one or if they just fantasize about some sleazy brothel

I wouldn't encourage any one to go to a strip bar, but the point was: is it cheating? Good grief.