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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS messaging ex teacher

231 replies

mumanator7 · 23/12/2018 01:49

Ds left school in the summer and has been messaging on instagram an ex teacher of his. He is 17 and she must be mid 20s. I know this because he left his phone home while going out one day and messages came up, I know it's bad but recognised her name and read them. Started off innocent about how he was getting on now but have turned quite flirtatious. Obviously I am massively concerned about this. AIBU to message the school saying this young teacher is flirting with my DS who has only just left school months ago? Or is it none of my business now he has left, and perfectly legal? Really not sure of rules on this!

OP posts:
Intohellbutstayingstrong · 23/12/2018 01:52

He is over the age of consent and no longer a pupil.

Greensleeves · 23/12/2018 01:54

I would be VERY unhappy about this.

minisoksmakehardwork · 23/12/2018 01:54

They could just as easily meet in a club so if your son is no longer a pupil, I don't think there's anything you can do or need to worry about.

aSonsMind · 23/12/2018 01:58

you should let him be and are you sure it is the teach and not the teachers daughter/family member with the same last name or someone with the same last name in general

Original poster
mumanator7 · 23/12/2018 02:00

I'm sure it's the teacher - I looked at her profile on DS's account! And my son would not be in a club at 17 so that's not entirely true...

OP posts:
user139328237 · 23/12/2018 02:02

Would the answers be the same if a daughter was messaging her male teacher I wonder...

Espanio · 23/12/2018 02:02

YABU I think you should mind your own business and would be very disappointed if you were my mum and thought it was okay to ring up the school

jessstan2 · 23/12/2018 02:04

I can understand why you don't like it but there's nothing you can do as your son is no longer being taught by this teacher.

It may be no more, and go no further, than light flirtation. Try not to worry about something which could well be nothing.

Cherries101 · 23/12/2018 02:06

Leave it alone. He’s 17 and no longer in school. If he wants to pursue her let him.

Summerisdone · 23/12/2018 02:06

I find this totally wrong, this woman should not be sending flirty messages to a 17 yr old boy who was one of her pupils just months ago, however I think there's unfortunately little that can be done about it.
You said yourself OP that the messages started out seeming pretty innocent and just general chat of what your DS is up to now he's left school, so that probably shows there was nothing going on prior, and now she's not his teacher and he's over the age of consent so perfectly legal, although morally disgusting imo.

ItIsTimeForChristmas · 23/12/2018 02:09

This reply has been deleted

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preggersteach · 23/12/2018 02:09

I think the school would be very interested to know. As far as I was aware teachers still have a duty of care until the students are above 18 and so cannot have a relationship with a 17 year old

Atchiclees · 23/12/2018 02:13

This would be a problem in schools I know. All safeguarding information we are given says that relationships between teachers and ex pupils are against our staff employment policy because we do not know when the relationship started. Governors are unable to know for sure if a teenager was groomed in any way, and it would lead to a warning.
The rules are there to protect the vulnerable, and she should know from her own KCSIE training that this is risky.

SemperIdem · 23/12/2018 02:14

Not if the pupil has left the school, teach, otherwise the duty spreads rather far.

moredoll · 23/12/2018 02:17

I'm not sure. He's still under 18, and she's still in a position of trust ( but with other pupils).

Assuming you're in England or Wales
It is an offence for a person aged 18 or over to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 18 if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker) as such sexual activity is an abuse of the position of trust.

www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

Phone her up and tell her you're thinking of asking her headteacher for clarification?

Lovingbenidorm · 23/12/2018 02:18

Just reported you ItIsTimeForChristmas

Espanio · 23/12/2018 02:20

Itsttimeforchristmas
You didn’t question the fact she had to do PE in her underwear and only realised later that something was going on?

LotsToThinkOf · 23/12/2018 02:20

My contract states that befriending and following students and ex students on social media is not allowed if they attended the school whilst I taught there. Tell the school, if she's done nothing wrong then it won't matter. It sounds wrong to me.

stopitandtidyupp · 23/12/2018 02:22

Age of consent is 18 so she is in the wrong.

Itsttimeforchristmas
You didn’t question the fact she had to do PE in her underwear and only realised later that something was going
Also reported, very sick.

Espanio · 23/12/2018 02:23

Why on earth have you reported my comment?

Coyoacan · 23/12/2018 02:24

if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker

I think that implicit in that is that the teacher is currently the young person's teacher.

I don't really see the harm in your son flirting with an older woman, OP.

TheDarkPassenger · 23/12/2018 02:28

I would be concerned about potential grooming while he was at the school with her. I would be very unhappy about this.

The age of consent being 18 only applies when the teacher is currently teaching at the same school as your child, but like I said, my concerns are with what I said above

SD1978 · 23/12/2018 02:31

@Espanio- ignore itstimeforchristmas. They are otherwise known as the boring knickers troll. Don't engage and they bugger off.

Espanio · 23/12/2018 02:33

@SD1978 how strange

Maryjoyce · 23/12/2018 02:33

Love the idiots that report everything wonder if they were the ones that told tales on everyone when they were at school.