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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread baby pass the parcel over Xmas

185 replies

Itssosunnyout · 20/12/2018 05:02

Aibu to be slightly anxious about the festive season and baby being passed about all the time having hardly any time in mine or DHs arms.

DH and I combined have a big family and everyone wants their turn to have a cuddle and stimulate baby but how do you manage it when you as a parent end up not getting much time with your baby or having to broach the 'i need my baby back feelings' 'baby is starting to get upset' or they don't understand her cues when she's had enough and just wants space.

Apart from my DP and my mum everyone else rarely see her due to distance or as previously posted due to not being able to leave their pet.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I understand everyone wants a cuddle but DC ends up so stimulated she refuses to sleep or feed. Im EBF and have been told that I need to keep baby close by.

I've only began to start worrying as we visited family last week and having spent 3 hours there I only held baby for 45 minutes and DH only 15 minutes. DC refused to sleep or feed and was so unsettled for the rest of the day.

I end up feeling so bad as others want DC but after a bit of time she starts her 'Ive had enough' or 'i want mummy/daddy cues' but family get offended or upset when i ask to have her back.

OP posts:
AnxiousMama101 · 20/12/2018 05:06

I’m so worried about this also.. still pregnant at the moment but I fear when he is born that family will just hog him constantly.

toomuchtooold · 20/12/2018 05:10

There's another thread about this going on right now and other posters have suggested the very smart idea of using a sling to limit the amount of time others get to hold her. And don't feel bad about taking her back - those are adults, they can deal with their own feelings about this. Your job is to prioritise your baby's needs.

thegreatbeyond · 20/12/2018 05:12

I used a sling. Worked well!

DrWhy · 20/12/2018 05:15

Lots of ‘oh she needs a feed now’ ‘she’s having a growth spurt, she needs another feed’, ‘isn’t it amazing how frequently babies need to feed when they are this small’, ‘she’s getting tired now, DH is really good at settling her’.
If your relatives are nice just ‘I’d like her back now, it’s been such a busy day I’m missing my baby cuddles’

harrypotterfan1604 · 20/12/2018 05:21

How old is your baby? If your EBF that on it’s own is a good excuse. Can you go to another room to feed perhaps upstairs out the way? That would give you some quiet time to feed peacefully and settle baby a bit too. If baby goes off to sleep then that’s your que to say no I’m sorry you can’t have a hold right now Baby is sleeping/settled and I don’t want to disturb that.
If any issues arise from that then I’d be staying upstairs the entire time baby was asleep or settled.
Your baby’s mum you are the boss and I expect grown adults to understand this. It’s so lovely that everyone wants a cuddle of your prescious bundle of joy but the baby grew inside you, you are their security blanket and all they know in this big scary world they need their mummy!
Just be firm, good luck xx

GeorgeBailey2 · 20/12/2018 05:36

I’m looking forward to sending her off so I can have a little break Blush

flumpybear · 20/12/2018 05:51

Enjoy the break but just give everyone 5 mins if you're getting antsy - tell them you're bf so emotions are rife also you could say you're a bit city Verne's about people who may be harbouring illnesses as her immunity is not that strong as a baby

Original poster
Itssosunnyout · 20/12/2018 05:53

Ill have a look for the other thread too.

She's 14 weeks old so her personality is really shining through now which is lovely.

I do have a sling but wasn't sure if that would seem obstructive to family as they know I tend to use it when out and about and not so much in the house as I give her cuddles instead.

I have used the 'i want baby back' before but I'm made to feel guilty about having her other times I've said no to a hold but person has come over and taken baby out of my arms to pass about. I was shocked on that incident but wouldn't let that happen again.

OP posts:
Madeline88 · 20/12/2018 05:53

Just ask for the baby back.

BeardedMum · 20/12/2018 05:57

Aren’t babies this age a bit oblivious to who is holding them? Tbh I would just relax and enjoy the break.

Original poster
Itssosunnyout · 20/12/2018 06:03

Beardedmum

Im not sure but when i have to deal with the after effects of an inconsolable baby who hasn't slept or ate its hard work.

Its lovely seeing everyone enjoy time with DC but I know she needs me back and I need her back too.

I have explained growth spurts etc before but not all family members take it on board

OP posts:
WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 20/12/2018 06:07

Oh that must be so hard to have a unsettled/high needs baby. Many babies just love being held that many people probably don’t even realise. You just have to be blunt I think.

IggyAce · 20/12/2018 06:07

My dd was 3months at her 1st Christmas she was bottle fed, but my dh took her upstairs at one point because she was getting cranky and was awful to settle. Family had a moan as a result when we had DS we had Christmas Day alone.

Donthugmeimscared · 20/12/2018 06:08

I used to love other people holding mine so I could have a cuppa in peace. I didn't bf so they could also feed them too. Ah those were the days now it's "mum mum mum mum!" All the time.

BucketLid · 20/12/2018 06:09

Just say that you miss her and want a cuddle. Why make a drama?

TeddyIsaHe · 20/12/2018 06:13

I bf so could dd back. But honestly I loved seeing the joy she brought to everyone when they held her, so it didn’t bother me.

If she cried though I just went over and picked her up and said she needs mummy now. Ignore any looks or comments. She’s your baby!

RayRayBidet · 20/12/2018 06:14

I was glad of the break

ironinglady57 · 20/12/2018 06:17

Going through the same as you. My baby is very wary of unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar environments. I am just going to give her 10/15 mins on my knee to get used to where she is and then if she gets upset with someone else, take her back. I don't want to deal with an inconsolable baby just to please some random relative.

TheSandgroper · 20/12/2018 06:19

You could always play the really modern mum and ask when they last had their whooping cough vax. No recent vax, no holding.
www.cdc.gov/pertussis/downloads/matte-grandparents.pdf

Fatted · 20/12/2018 06:23

I think you have anxiety about being away from your baby.

For the sake of one day, it's not the end of the world if your baby doesn't follow their usual routine with feeding and sleeping.

Original poster
Itssosunnyout · 20/12/2018 06:23

Ironlady
That is what I tend to try to do. 15 mins to get used to where we are but it doesn't always happen that way. Family sometimes want DC immediately or take her out if my arms like she is a toy.

I have no issue with DC spending time in the arms of family but its how long (in excess of 1 hour if constant stimulation) and family understanding she wants me. But they want to settle DC or continue with cuddles.

And yes I do enjoy the time they have especially being able to have a hot brew or eat freely!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 20/12/2018 06:28

Mine was a long time ago but I do remember being really glad of the break. It was a case of ‘no returns’ ha ha. With one I still distinctly remember being able to eat my entire Xmas meal in peace in one go with two hands and how grateful I was - small price to pay for them being unsettled afterwards (if they even were, honestly can’t remember now).

EmeraldShamrock · 20/12/2018 06:32

I would be worried about coldsores and viruses this time of year, everyone seems unwell.
Maybe say she is not well. DS was an extremely high need baby and even at 3 month old, he wouldn't except been passed about.

SandysMam · 20/12/2018 06:32

Don’t be too precious when they are new and tiny...or when they are old and whopping and you are desperate for school holiday cover or a night at the theatre, you won’t have relatives with a nice bond. I did this so I know it’s true! I bitterly regret being so PFB and wish I could turn the clock back. It’s only one day, be glad you have people interested in her. If she’s crying then obviously take her but if not, she’s happy so sit on your hands, you will have her back tomorrow. Enjoy Christmas OP.

MaverickSnoopy · 20/12/2018 06:35

Crickey I've never known anyone who doesn't want to hand back a baby who's crying. However, if at that point they don't, then insert reason "she needs a feed now" or "right I'll get her to sleep now". Of course the other option if it's a sleep cry, is to say, "quite happy for you to try and get her to sleep".

I completely get where you are coming from. I've had three children and my life was infinitely easier when they ate and slept when they needed, not to mention how much happier they were!

Forget about upsetting them. They're adults.