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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should he be taking me on better dates?

219 replies

Callmedarcy · 19/12/2018 20:03

Dates in orde

  • Drinks
  • Dog Walk
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together
  • Shopping
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together

My friend said that he should be taking me on better dates where I’m getting dressed up for dinner etc and that he’s only coming over to mine because he’s interested in one thing (we’ve not had sex yet)

I would like this (posh dinner dates) but I’m also very happy with how things are going. I like being with him regardless of what we’re doing.

This is also coming from a friend who’s never been on a date or had a relationship ... so I’m not sure if they’d view is a bit more romantic than realistic

OP posts:
Shepherdspieisminging · 21/12/2018 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoyDora · 21/12/2018 12:15

Well you can think I’m defensive and projecting if you like, I don’t care what you think as I don’t know you. I know that im in a happy marriage with a man who respects me and knows my worth.
I didn’t call you a prostitute, and agree that women should know their worth. I just don’t think that that is in any way related to being taken on dates that you do or don’t happen to deem appropriate and ‘measurable’. There is so much more to the dynamics of a relationship than that.
The biggest tosser I ever dated (for a very short period) was the one who took me to fancy restaurants and to the theatre in the early days. He was all grand gestures but all he actually cared about was what a chivalrous prince he appeared to me and to others.

Shepherdspieisminging · 21/12/2018 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoyDora · 21/12/2018 12:21

And you’re applying the ‘debate at large’ specifically to the Op’s scenario when you have no idea if those issues are relevant to her or not.

Theyprobablywill · 21/12/2018 12:21

Sorry, you remind me of someone who used to post under that name!

Wouldn't it be better to promote. your daughter to have high self-esteem instead of hoping she is a lesbian. Gay or straight she will need self esteem.

Shepherdspieisminging · 21/12/2018 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplelass · 21/12/2018 12:53

One of my first dates was going to the farm to fill the back of his car with manure for the garden! We're still together nearly 3 years later Smile

Seriously though, don't worry about what anyone else thinks, it's the company that's important and if you're enjoying the time you spend with him then that's fine isn't it?

If it's not and you want more then book a table at a fancy restaurant, he's not the only one who chooses your dates surely?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2018 13:06

I did unintentionally Shepherds Pie and didn't actually mean to, so I apologise.

Lettermethis · 21/12/2018 13:09

A woman's worth has nothing to do with how deep her date's pockets are. A woman's worth is not linked to how much planning a date has had. A woman's worth is not measurable to how many gifts she has received.

Shepherdspie, your views are painfully old fashioned and outdated. Welcome to the future.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2018 13:16

I see how some women bring up their sons treating them like a prince and turning them into entitled twats not really caring what kind of partners they are bringing up these men to be
Well if we all make sure we raise our daughters to value being respected, all those guys will remain single.

woman should provide sex to a man who hasn't shown his worth... a bloody lot of men expect sex when they've 'babysat' their own children... their right and reward for having done something for the woman
But you're the one suggesting using sexx as their reward for doing something, just that the doing is nice dates rather than housework.

We do agree women need to have higher standards, but part of that is not seeing sex as a reward to bestow on men for good behaviour. It should be about you BOTH treating each other right, you both wanting sex NOT well he's done x so I guess it's lie on my back and think of England night

Eliza9917 · 21/12/2018 13:20

My bet is he's married.

Suggest going out in public op and see what he says.

adaline · 21/12/2018 13:26

My bet is he's married.

Suggest going out in public op and see what he says.

Where on earth did that come from? And where else do you walk dogs except in public?!

stokieginge · 21/12/2018 13:32

This thread has spiralled into ridiculousness (is that even a word)

purplelass · 21/12/2018 13:45

And where else do you walk dogs except in public?!
Grin
That made me proper LOL - like there's some secret place that philandering men can go for discreet dog walking...

Theunsungsong · 21/12/2018 13:48

Haven't you heard of dogging?

Shepherdspieisminging · 21/12/2018 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

F1ame · 21/12/2018 16:48

There’s nothing wrong with expecting a bit of an effort in the early days of a relationship. Surely it doesn’t make you hysterical or “grabby” to think that. I personally do think it’s quite presumptuous of this man to just go round and hang out in the OP’s house (twice)! before he’s even bothered to take her out on a date. Call me old-fashioned, I am 45, but it was definitely different in the 90s. Mind you there was no Tinder then and we didn’t even have mobiles Grin I did appreciate the fact DH did “proper dates” because I think that’s an attractive quality in men. But that’s just me. Clearly things have changed.

FinallyHere · 21/12/2018 20:45
  • When you cooked at yours who planned and bought the food?

If this was you it’d be good manners of him to reciprocate or invite you for a meal out.*

^ this

MilkManiaMama · 21/12/2018 21:07

I personally don't like fancy restaurants and some of my best dates have been going surfing or going for a walk.

I do totally understand what you mean about him wanting to come over just to have sex with you, rather than that being the best place for a date. If I were having a good time on all the dates, I'd just carry on and make it clear that sex isn't on the cards right now.

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