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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should he be taking me on better dates?

219 replies

Callmedarcy · 19/12/2018 20:03

Dates in orde

  • Drinks
  • Dog Walk
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together
  • Shopping
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together

My friend said that he should be taking me on better dates where I’m getting dressed up for dinner etc and that he’s only coming over to mine because he’s interested in one thing (we’ve not had sex yet)

I would like this (posh dinner dates) but I’m also very happy with how things are going. I like being with him regardless of what we’re doing.

This is also coming from a friend who’s never been on a date or had a relationship ... so I’m not sure if they’d view is a bit more romantic than realistic

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 19/12/2018 20:19

Your friend sounds like a sexist dimwit stuck in the 1950s. Why are you so bothered what she thinks? You are happy. Don't be such a bloody Bridget Jones.

To me it's a bit cosy and domestic , not that cosy and domestic is wrong but in my opinion too early in the relationship

This baffles me. Many people would far rather spend time together outside with beautiful animals and scenery than sit in the dark unable to talk. All of these events OP has done so far facilitate actually getting to know each other and enjoy her company. How on earth is that less romantic than sharing some overpriced popcorn in silence?

Loopytiles · 19/12/2018 20:19

When you cooked at yours who planned and bought the food?

If this was you it’d be good manners of him to reciprocate or invite you for a meal out.

chillpizza · 19/12/2018 20:20

I’m still yet to be taken on a fancy date and we have been together over 12 years and married.

I wouldn’t hold much to the type of date. I even shock horror had sex on the first date. If he only wants sex then the type of date won’t change that anyway.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2018 20:20

I wouldn’t be happy with those “dates”, tbh - they’re ordinary evening activities for couples who’ve been together ages, not really for the anticipatory and sexy getting to know one another of early dating. However, I’d be the one suggesting (and paying for, if it was a money issue for him) restaurant dinners, cocktail bars, the theatre, dancing etc, I definitely wouldn’t be waiting like a ‘50s doll for him to do so. Have you?

Lettermethis · 19/12/2018 20:20

Your friend is jealous.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/12/2018 20:21

Been with OH 20+years
Date 1 darts match
Date 2 football match
Date 3 pub
Date 4 camden market.

We rarely eat out together (he doesn't like restaurants) and we have never been to the cinema as he used to smoke and couldn't sit through a film without a ciggie.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2018 20:22

But as to what your friend says about “only wanting one thing” - is nonsense. I’ve put out on (and opted not to) plenty of first dates in restaurants or bars! There’s no reason to think he’s expecting anything different from you just because of the location of the date.

RangeRider · 19/12/2018 20:23

All of these events OP has done so far facilitate actually getting to know each other and enjoy her company. How on earth is that less romantic than sharing some overpriced popcorn in silence?
This ^^. Better to get to know someone properly like this than spend money on overpriced dates for the sake of doing what someone else expects. I'd actually prefer dates like that.

RangeRider · 19/12/2018 20:24

Besides, if he'd taken you out and bought you dinner your friend would be saying he'd only done that so you'd feel obliged to sleep with him.

Jsmith99 · 19/12/2018 20:26

If you’re happy with the way things are progressing, fine. Ignore your friend.

If you’re not happy with the way things are progressing, make some suggestions to change it up. What do you want to do?

Singleinastrangeland · 19/12/2018 20:26

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lannister · 19/12/2018 21:06

Your dates sound fine to me. The most important thing is whether you are happy and enjoying it.

Crunchymum · 19/12/2018 21:10

Do you ever go to his house?

Are the financial constraints on your dates?

If you want a fancy dinner, suggest it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2018 21:11

The theatre is the only one of these I have ever done - alone!

Each to their own, and I’m sure you have fun doing all kinds of stuff you enjoy but my mind is genuinely blown - I do all of these at least once a week! Smile

stokieginge · 19/12/2018 21:14

@Callmedarcy my dates with my DP were exactly they same as this when we started out.

Nearly three years later and we tied the knot last week.

If you're happy with what you're doing, don't change it just to satisfy your friend.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 19/12/2018 21:16

If you're happy with the dates then it doesn't matter what your friend thinks. I never had proper dates with my partner as I was a single mum so we would have nights in and we were both content to do this.

coffeekittens · 19/12/2018 21:17

Your dates sound lovely, there’s been five and you’ve not had sex so if he was just after that then he’d have either hinted or given up, your friend sounds very negative maybe jealous. I’ve been taken on some very posh dates and even flown on a private plane by someone who was using me for sex.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 19/12/2018 21:19

The dates sound lovely and if you’re happy with them then go for it!

MaisyPops · 19/12/2018 21:21

Your friend sounds like a sexist dimwit stuck in the 1950s. Why are you so bothered what she thinks? You are happy.
I agree!

What's nicer: spending time getting to know each other and enjoying each other's company or dressing up in a nice frock to have a meal out and then sit in silence for 3 hours?

My friend was talking about someone they knew who was big into the 'he should wine and dine me' philosophy. The more she told me, the more I had to stop myself saying her friend was clearly an image conscious twat who was obviously looking for a man she can shack up with and he'll financially support her living a lifestyle of leisure and fine dining.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2018 21:21

I would like this (posh dinner dates)

So take him out for a posh dinner.

Singleinastrangeland · 19/12/2018 21:23

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Imalittleelf · 19/12/2018 21:26

Date 1 = meet in a pub
Date 2 = cinema
Date 3 = met up when I was on a night out for friends bday
Date 4 = trip to the zoo

We would have dinner at each other's.
. Most the time watching game of thrones or similar...

6 months in I moved in with him... 12 months in we were engaged

Dates are whatever you are comfortable with and what you both enjoy. If it's sitting in your pjs watching films, going clubbing, or wearing evening wear and top hats to the Ritz. Do what you want. If you want something else suggest it.

My auntie always tells me about her first date... She went swimming and took her brother and sister with her... the only condition for her going out with a boy Grin

Arnoldthecat · 19/12/2018 21:28

It all sounds fine to me. As others have said,you too can make suggestions !!

As for only wanting one thing,,why do women assume they hold the glittering prize,must guard it and all men want it?

I'm completely 50/50 on frightfulness and there is no way im pursuing any woman for it. Its a level playing field for me..

Original poster
Callmedarcy · 19/12/2018 21:29

Each to their own, and I’m sure you have fun doing all kinds of stuff you enjoy but my mind is genuinely blown - I do all of these at least once a week!

You must have a very tiny mind then.

We both have demanding jobs. Him more so. He can work between 5am to 8pm a majority of the week and work Saturdays too. He has 1 day a week off and we both had a life before we met each other so unfortunately we don’t have endless spare time to watch films and cook together every night of the week.

Hence me enjoying spending time with him regardless of what we do.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 19/12/2018 21:29

I agree with the friend. If you're 6 dates in, he should be in the 'impressing you' stage.

What's life going to be like once he's got his feet under the table and you're 10yrs down the line?

Sounds a bit too much like drudgery to me.