Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should he be taking me on better dates?

219 replies

Callmedarcy · 19/12/2018 20:03

Dates in orde

  • Drinks
  • Dog Walk
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together
  • Shopping
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together

My friend said that he should be taking me on better dates where I’m getting dressed up for dinner etc and that he’s only coming over to mine because he’s interested in one thing (we’ve not had sex yet)

I would like this (posh dinner dates) but I’m also very happy with how things are going. I like being with him regardless of what we’re doing.

This is also coming from a friend who’s never been on a date or had a relationship ... so I’m not sure if they’d view is a bit more romantic than realistic

OP posts:
Dogsmellssobadbob · 19/12/2018 22:42

Depends really
Does he just turn up at yours a bit weary and ‘help’ cook dinner by sitting and watching you cook the food that YOU bought whilst watching telly?

Or does he buy the food or help plan the menu, do the washing up and light a candle etc?

It does sound a bit dull. More what I’d expect a few months in when it’s all about being cosy and being together.

Why aren’t you going to his house for him to cook for you?

Suggest something else like the theatre or a drive to somewhere new and see what he says. If he jumps at the suggestion then great but if he whines that he’s shattered and would rather ‘just go to your place’ then dump him.

Cleo18 · 19/12/2018 22:53

Many years ago but
date 1 pub
date 2 different pub
date 3 different pub + walk
date 4 drive out of London, pub, walk etc etc

We were together many years and had 2 kids, travelled the world, did plays and concerts and dinners and parties. Eventually split but are still good friends and will be spending Christmas together. Still enjoy a good walk and a quiet pub.

If you are happy OP, that's all it takes.

HollowTalk · 19/12/2018 22:54

Isn't this the guy that everyone said you should stop seeing?

saralogan234 · 19/12/2018 22:55

Sounds lovely to me.

Cleo18 · 19/12/2018 23:00

Actually, as an aside, I can't think of anything worse than a first, second, third date in a posh, expensive formal restaurant or a silent theatre where you can't talk, laugh or leave early. Sitting in formal clothes on your best behaviour with someone you barely know is dreadful. I ONLY go to things like that with really very good friends.

KarmaStar · 19/12/2018 23:05

Ignore your friend.she's doing you no favours.have more strength and self confidence to be happy as you are.Flowers

APositiveMind · 19/12/2018 23:09

I wish my OH would view dog walks and cooking together as dates. He arranged nice meals our out which is lovely my but I think our ideas of dates are different as I find cooking together and dog walking lifes simple pleasures but he views them as a chore.
He sounds like a keeper to me!

seventhgonickname · 19/12/2018 23:11

The nice thing about your dates is that they are real and things you like doing I would go wild and get a take away once in a while so you are not doing all the cooking.

Orlandointhewilderness · 19/12/2018 23:20

I think your dates sound lovely. The sort of thing my DP and I would've done at the start. We are 2 1/2 years in and very happy.
The question is - are you? If you are having fun and like it then that is great. If not then you need to think.

sizzledrizz · 19/12/2018 23:41

Nothing wrong with your dates. Unless you want to go out, in which case arrange it and invite him. I'd get bored always being at mine. Have you been to his place?

sizzledrizz · 19/12/2018 23:43

What 'one thing' is he after?
Aren't we all after it, PMSL. Is your friend a nun?

The4thSandersonSister · 20/12/2018 00:59

Who is buying the food your both cooking together?

Howhot · 20/12/2018 06:19

All my early "dates" were pubs, walks and movies at home. All we could afford but even with money I wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way.

redcarbluecar · 20/12/2018 06:25

I think those dates sound really nice. As long as you enjoy them and don’t feel that your wishes are being ignored or anything like that, just relax and don’t worry too much about your friend’s opinion. I hope all works out well with your new relationship.

Mummadeeze · 20/12/2018 06:39

I am a bit in two minds about this. For me personally I would prefer to go on an activity date in the first few weeks. Something like bowling, a photography exhibition, crazy golf, an interactive theatre experience maybe. I would also like to go to a fun cocktail bar. But I live in London and have access to loads of fun things to do. I would expect the dates you have described to come later in the relationship. However, it sounds like you haven’t suggested doing anything a bit more adventurous yet. I would try and see if he can be like minded or adaptable to other types of night’s out. That will probably show you whether you have long term compatibility or not.

peakSafeSpace · 20/12/2018 06:46

DH and I met at uni. The fancy dates came when we'd been together a long time but had a bit more disposable income.

Bluebonnieblue · 20/12/2018 06:54

I don't know anyone who was taken to loads of posh or romantic restaurants when they first started dating! It's not the 1950s/a American romcom. Your dates sound nice and normal and much less forced and cheesey.

flumpybear · 20/12/2018 07:02

He works 5am - 8 pm 6 days a week? So 90 hours per week - is he an NHS doctor?!

anniehm · 20/12/2018 07:02

I've only been on a few posh dates in the 25 years we have been together, most are fairly recently because we now have more money! Do whatever you feel comfortable, who dresses for dinner now? You won't find a single place in my city where you can't wear jeans! The "posh" dinners have all been event type occasions and cruise he surprised me with

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flumpybear · 20/12/2018 07:04

With posh dates I'd suggest going out to a restaurant when you next decide, sonif he says 'I can come over to your house if you cook' you can say 'how about we meet at XX instead and have a romantic meal' ... saying that he may assume you're romantic meal may lead to dessert Wink

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerverseConverse · 20/12/2018 07:06

Are you dating my ex? The only proper dates after the second one he organised (a golf drive ffs) were planned by me. He was a lazy arse and his dating ideas showed that early on. He was more than happy to come to mine and me cook dinner. I soon realised he was tight and lazy. At this point he should be making an effort and he's not. I was happy with things too as enjoyed being with him but when I looked back I realised how little effort he'd put in to dating and we quickly became domesticated with me cooking and him staying over. If he's making so little effort to impress you now, what's he going to be like in a year? He's showing you he can't be arsed. Listen Thanks

PerverseConverse · 20/12/2018 07:08

To be clear I didn't want fancy meals or expensive dates, just something that showed he'd put thought and effort in.

stokieginge · 20/12/2018 07:14

Before we bash this guy too much.

We do not actually know who's suggesting the dates. Maybe it's the OP. And she does say that they cook dinner together?

Maybe the dog isn't his (he does work all the hours under the sun by the sounds of it) so maybe it's the OPs dog, in which case I'd assumed it was her suggestion for the dog walk. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Swipe left for the next trending thread