Should he be taking me on better dates?

[Callmedarcy]

Dates in orde

• Drinks
• Dog Walk
• Film at mine, cooked dinner together
• Shopping
• Film at mine, cooked dinner together

My friend said that he should be taking me on better dates where I’m getting dressed up for dinner etc and that he’s only coming over to mine because he’s interested in one thing (we’ve not had sex yet)

I would like this (posh dinner dates) but I’m also very happy with how things are going. I like being with him regardless of what we’re doing.

This is also coming from a friend who’s never been on a date or had a relationship ... so I’m not sure if they’d view is a bit more romantic than realistic

I think people are reading it wrong. I’ve been happy with the dates

What the OP also said.

OP, your friend is most likely jealous that you're going on any dates, when she's single herself.

Belittling the dates probably makes her feel better! Just enjoy yourself and don't over think it.

Great dates are about great company, and certainly not price-tag related. Anyone that thinks a date should be all about expensive restaurants and gift giving is shallow and unimaginative.

I want sex, I'm equal, don't demand anything for it etc.
As a result, women are used, abused and devalued

This is very sad indeed. I'm sorry your life has been like this. My experience has been very different, I have been able to have sex and not need to demand anything and be treated with respect. But I've always been self sufficient and I've never been abused used or devalued. I'm sorry you have. 💐

So shepard what are the woman doing to earn the attention of the man what is she doing for the reward of dates / stuff in return.

Or do you think only women should be bought and rewarded and the man does all the work. You also sound like the type were the man HAS to do all the running around ALL the costs.

That is not a equal relentionship that is one were woman are taking advantage of shitty social customs to get free stuff. I echo what others have said and think you are in the wrong decade 1950s rang and asked when you coming home?

My first date i took DH out and shock horror i paid for it too you would swoon saying i am selling myself sort. I would counter that by saying i have self respect my own agency and do not need to be bought or given gifts for my own self worth.

Shepherdspieisminging did you miss the bit where the OP said they haven’t had sex?
I’m sorry you’ve had such poor experiences with men and relationships, it must really colour your view of things .

@Shepherdspieisminging why anyone would want to be taken out to see a movie on a first/second/third/four date is beyond me.

Oh yes, I know what we'll do. Let's go and sit in a dark room together for 2 hours, with the inability to talk - GENUIS!

If someone suggested this as a first date to me I'd be inclined to decline and probably wouldn't bother pursuing another date idea.

I'd much rather go on a dog walk. No pressure, plenty of opportunities to talk, get to know one another.

This thread is absolutely bonkers.

Can't work out if you want the dates your friend describes OP? And if so, as others have said just suggest them?!

Others talking about them being dull or him not putting in effort... on the contrary IMO, you're getting to know each other! I do miss a little the excitement of meeting up with DP for dinner/drinks when we were dating, getting ready at home and then excitedly going to meet him. However, being in a long distance relationship I bloody love the cosy nights in. Time together is invaluable, whether we're watching a film or having a drink in the pub or out in a bar a bit dressed up.

And also, those who said the OP had low standards have backwards views of women and affection. Being bought things and flashy dates do not mean he's a good guy who treats her well - it means he's throwing money around. OP, if you like him and the dates, then leave it. If you'd like to go out to a nice restaurant, then as I said, ask! Depends what YOU want. Your friend shouldn't be telling you what he should be doing!

@Shepherdspie - You are setting your own ideals of what 'scraps' or 'effort' is, and that's fine for you. But it doesn't mean the same for everyone! My DP and I don't buy many gifts for each other, but we are generous with time and affection - which I value so much more.

Drinks, a movie, a museum etc cost sod all but show the effort.

But that's YOUR opinion. I would hate to go to the movies or a museum on a first/early date. Museums just don't interest me all that much and as for the cinema, well, you can't exactly get to know each other when you're sitting in the dark in silence!

I don't need a man to spend huge amounts of money on me to show me he likes me. You can get to know someone just as well on a dog walk as you can over a cup of coffee and cake. Why is the latter inherently more special because it cost £10 as opposed to nothing?

I don't think money = romance. If you are financially able to do something and you want to then suggest it. If you aren't financially able to then focus on the positives about the relationship you have.

I would not want a man coming to my house whilst I cook for him all the time.
The boyfriends I've had that have always suggested cosy date nights like this have always turned out to be tight arses in general.

Shopping though? That one doesn't count!

Yeah, shopping isn’t a date.

DH & I 'courted' over Tesco potato skins, chicken satay sticks, red wine and Band of Brothers

That sounds nice!

If women are expected to provide sex why should they not recieve something in return?*
I don't provide sex, I have sex. We do stuff to each other to pleasure each other. He doesn't lay back whilst I service him in return for sparkly things

Giving away sex for free meams they have no respect for you and see you as having no value
As opposed to give it away in return for goods which is... Prostitution??

SHEPHERDSPIE seems to enjoy sex when the person I'm having sex with pays me - - values me more than a dog walk and a takeaway pizza--

Which is your life choice, but we don't all need paying for it.

No way would i offer my body to such a waster no, just to a paying client.

When I was with my first BFa girl at work (a year older who already had a bf) told me to not have sex with my bf unless he'd brought me something nice. Even at 17 and a virgin I knew that didn't sit well with me. I'm wondering if that girl is SHEPHERDSPIE.

If a man is aware that from the outset a woman's view of self is low and her expectations aren't high then he will treat her as such

Or he'll gently find out why she's been made to feel that way, treat her nicely and help her realise her self worth. Depends which man we're talking about!!

I'd rather be thought of as a prostitute than a gullible woman being used for sex by a cocklodger.

Eh? What are you on about?

I'd rather be thought of as a prostitute than a gullible woman being used for sex by a cocklodger

They’ve not had sex. You’re projecting your issues on to the OP.