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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should he be taking me on better dates?

219 replies

Callmedarcy · 19/12/2018 20:03

Dates in orde

  • Drinks
  • Dog Walk
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together
  • Shopping
  • Film at mine, cooked dinner together

My friend said that he should be taking me on better dates where I’m getting dressed up for dinner etc and that he’s only coming over to mine because he’s interested in one thing (we’ve not had sex yet)

I would like this (posh dinner dates) but I’m also very happy with how things are going. I like being with him regardless of what we’re doing.

This is also coming from a friend who’s never been on a date or had a relationship ... so I’m not sure if they’d view is a bit more romantic than realistic

OP posts:
IAmMumWho · 20/12/2018 07:16

Drop hints like

Oh I wouldn't mind going to XYZ for tea

Or shall we try blah blah blah this weekend

Also it's a two way street.

You take him out too

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2018 07:39

To be clear I didn't want fancy meals or expensive dates, just something that showed he'd put thought and effort in

And why can't you put thought and effort in?

And to the poster who said "drop hints". Why should she do such a thing, she just needs to say let's go to x place instead.

It constantly surprises me on here how many women have an attitude straight out of the 50s. They want the man to take them on dates, to pay for them, to buy them gifts.

Whatever happened to equality? Did these posters miss the last few decades? Why would anyone wish to start a relationship on such an unequal footing. Playing rhe little woman who has to be paid for?

Take responsibility, say what you want in a relationship, pay your way.dont settle and don't play the little woman who sits and waits to be asked.

Beaverhausen · 20/12/2018 07:41

Mine took me to franky and benny's, still our favourite restaurant.

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:45

It may be due to his financial situation. He might be stressed about paying the tab at fancy places. Or maybe he's just not a fancy dinner type of guy. My hubby and I never went anywhere fancy until after we were married. Our favorite date was active stuff like a bike ride or snowboarding :)

newmun · 20/12/2018 07:47

Stop giving a fuck what your friends think!

crimsonlake · 20/12/2018 07:49

I agree it sounds cosy and domestic, perhaps not too much effort to woo you on his part if you are footing the expense of all the meals cooked at yours. In the early days I think it is nice to make more of an effort, it sounds as if you have reached that settled comfortable stage already. I have had this, him visiting my home, me visiting his, the occasional pub lunch or coffee where in fact he would go off to the loo when the bill arrived leaving me to pay, that was the final nail in the coffin for me. If you are happy with this, do not let your friend influence your thoughts and carry on as you are.

puzzledlady · 20/12/2018 07:52

So you (or your friend) thinks he’s just after sex -is that it?

Why not you suggest something and stop waiting for him to ask you out?

PerverseConverse · 20/12/2018 07:59

@Bluntness100 I put ALL the effort in. I organised all the not at home dates. I paid my way too and paid for all the meals he had here and paid for my own food at his place on the handful of occasions I went there. Had to cook there too. Hence getting rid of the lazy bastard.

JamPasty · 20/12/2018 08:15

he seems to want the reward if sex without making the effort to make her happy.

Are you reading the same thread as me?! They've not had sex, and she is happy with their dates!!

The dates to me sound lovely. I can't think of much worse than a relationship where the start is all posh fancy stuff designed to impress but only meant to last until the relationship is established. I'd much rather have a relationship that started with nice domestic stuff that lasts the whole way through

JustABetterPlayer · 20/12/2018 08:19

Me and my wife dated over shovelling poo and smelling of horse Confused

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/12/2018 08:35

Well you can certainly spot the posters who don't enjoy sex!

DragonSnaps · 20/12/2018 08:40

I can't see what's wrong with the dates if you're happy with them. Tell you friend to wind her neck in. Not everyone wants expensive meals out anyway. I had a couple of 'dinner' dates and I hated them! When I met my dh, we both went to the pub and had a laugh and ended up drunk, and I knew he was the one for me.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/12/2018 08:53

I'd be happy with those dates, lots of opportunity to get to know each other. With the jobs you have it sounds like on your time off relaxing is important.

ChocSprinkles18 · 20/12/2018 08:59

Trying to think back to my first dates with DH. Think it was

  1. dinner
  2. take away

And then cooking or takeaway with the odd dinner/cinema trip out.

Our home dinners were always with wine and candles though!

ErickBroch · 20/12/2018 09:49

Maybe he doesn't have a lot of disposable income?

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woollyheart · 20/12/2018 10:21

The dates you have had sound fun.

From what you said, he might have trouble making time for dates. Is he also likely to be short of money?

Do you like eating out? If you do, it might be worth suggesting a restaurant next time. Not an expensive one - choose something you can afford. Suggest splitting the bill.

It is worth seeing how he behaves in a public place with plenty of people. You are still getting to know him, and this help you see a more complete picture. It will also help you to check that he is willing to pay his own way and isn't a sponger.

stokieginge · 20/12/2018 10:29

@Shepherdspieisminging you're assuming the dates were at his request and that they weren't her idea.

Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellisandra · 20/12/2018 10:44

Still waiting for the OP to come back and explain what dates she has organised.Hmm

Luxembourgmama · 20/12/2018 10:46

Your friend is right. I was once in the same position and didn't listen to a friend who said similar. Did a mixture of dates with my DH.

Ellisandra · 20/12/2018 10:50

I just don’t understand why if you want to dress up and go out for dinner, you don’t text and say “hey, you free on Sat? Shall we go to ?”

It really is that easy!

Theyprobablywill · 20/12/2018 10:54

/Sheppardspie/ men have to "earn' sex.... Fucking hell, Why not cut out the middleman and get him to transfer the money in to your bank account?