Aibu to be angry than in laws snooped around the house

[ER1992]

Me and my husband went out for the 1st time Saturday night since having our baby. My in laws came round to baby sit while we were gone which was nice of them.
Before leaving I shut our bedroom door because it looked like a bomb had hit it after we had got ready and also shut the spare bedroom door because I had piles of dirty washing laid out plus all of the Xmas presents are in there (there's included) I left the babies bedroom door open incase they needed to go in for anything. Plus the rest of upstairs was generally untidy compared to downstairs and not exactly in a state of want people to see. On returning home and going upstairs all of the doors had been opened so this means one of the in laws had been snooping around which has annoyed me. There was no need for them to go upstairs.. we have a downstairs bathroom, we left spare clothes, nappies etc downstairs and told them they didn't need to put the baby to bed just let him sleep downstairs in the carry cot until we got home. AIBU to be annoyed?
They also had their dinner round ours (which we said was fine) but kindly left the washing up for us to do & polished off a whole box of Christmas biscuits!! This also annoyed me.

I can’t believe some people think this behaviour is acceptable.

I wouldn’t be bothered to be honest. Free babysitting, nights out? They can snoop as much as they want and eat all the chocs! Assuming you didn’t pay them that is. X

Yep I don't mind the snooping either

I would add that you are very lucky to have two sets of grandparents wanting to babysit your child - embrace it. If this is your first, by the time you have another you’ll be begging them.

Them looking around your upstairs is not the end of the world. It is at best bad manners. Ignore it and plan Moreno nights out!

@masterandmargarita Lots of people I know- myself included- buy more expensive snacks this time of year, you know little bit of a treat for Christmas. I don't think that's particularly unusual.

Good to know though, according to some on this thread, when I babysit for my sister this weekend I can snoop around her house and help myself to anything in the cupboards. I mean I'm doing her a favour who cares if I tuck into the luxury cheesecake she's put away for Boxing Day pudding or help myself to the bottle of Bailey's she's bought for Christmas Day.

So accepting a grandparent babysitting their grandchild, which wasn't needed but they insisted and wanted to do it, means you have to accept rude behaviour?

I would be pretty disappointed with them snooping. I know others have said how do you know they were snooping, but if they had everything they needed downstairs then what other reason could they have to go into every other room?

I’d be pretty annoyed at them eating a whole box of Christmas biscuits too, especially when you left them food/snacks out and they were having dinner too. My MIL does the dishes thing too, but she leaves them on the living room floor! I have no idea why!

Your DH has to grasp the nettle here. His parents while offering to look after their grandchild at the very least went upstairs in a house that is not theirs and had a look in rooms that really didn't need to be looked in and rummaged in cupboards to open a box of biscuits that were clearly not for their consumption. He needs to have a word with them.

My advice, if there is a next time that they will be babysitting for you, tell them that they are not to go upstairs and that all the treats are on a tray in the kitchen. Leave tea/coffee/soft drinks and a packet of biscuits (like chocolate fingers or something similar) and the crisps/dip. If they get a takeaway, ask them to leave their dishes in the dishwasher when they are done. Thank them for looking after their grandchild and leave it at that.

I'm still shocked at the people who keep going on about 'free' babysitting. They offered to look after their grandchild! Babysitting doesn't give anyone the write to look around anyone's home paid or not. I wouldn't do it. I'm pretty sure if this post was about me dog sitting for the in laws and if I'd have asked if it was ok or me to go have a look in the in laws bedroom and if I should steal the box of luxury treats I'd found in the cupboard after having a root about you'd all be telling that i was unreasonable

steal the box of luxury treats Biscuits?

Could it have been a genuine mistake? My mum doesn’t like going in our bedroom (as is only right and just) but sometimes my son charges in to bounce on the bed. How old’s the baby? Can he crawl/walk?

Eating all the Christmas biscuits is awful behaviour though.

Who puts away biscuits for special occasions?
Doesn’t everyone buy biscuits for Christmas Day and put them away? Do you do all your food shopping on Christmas Eve or something?

Is there any evidence of snooping apart from the open doors? Because that’s not very clandestine snooping, really, is it? Are you absolutely sure you shut the doors properly?

And “stealing”? Really?

Safeandwarm he's 3 months so unless a miracle happened he didn't open the doors haha.
Bertandrussell yes I know I shut the doors and I'm still confused about why you think they needed to go upstairs and open the doors when everything they needed was downstairs. You saying you'd go look around someone's home for no apparent reason?

Maybe one of the went upstairs to have a shit so not to pollute the downstairs loo?
In any event unless you ask them you won’t know and without evidence of your sex draw having been opened and your butt plug left covered in lube I would just let it go.

I wouldn't class someone eating biscuits in a cupboard as stealing! They are family. It's not something I would do personally but I know if I had opened and ate some food at DILs whilst I was babysitting she wouldn't bat an eyelid and if was something she'd kept to one side for Christmas she'd bloody tell me and I would be mortified and buy another box.

Dictionary definition of stealing: take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it.

I'd say that the OP's inlaws stole their property (box of biscuits). The fact that this property was edible doesn't matter. Unless they rock up with a replacement box, they have stolen from the OP.

WhatchaMaCalllit if your mother was babysitting and got hungry and made some toast would you say she'd stolen a slice of bread and a bit of butter.

Really.

It's not stealing. It's not very thoughtful I agree but come on you can't say it's bloody stealing. That just makes you look unhinged.

Do people not have different rules for family? I wouldn't hesitate to look for things I fancied in MIL's cupboards and definitely wouldn't have in my own mum's. Babysitting for very good friends the same. Acquaintances or "outer circle" friends not.

But there have been threads on here talking about young children "stealing" food.......

Bertandrussell helping themselves to biscuits from the biscuit tin, tea and coffee and the usual bits we have in the fridge is different to helping themselves the food purposely bought for Christmas that is hidden away for the day

Biscuits are cheap payment for babysitting though and you can always buy some more. I always tell babysitters to help themselves to anything

How did they find them if they were hidden away? I don't know why you didn't say anything at the time tbh.

@Greatduckcookery

"Why on earth not? If you had gone to the trouble of putting tape over doors and you knew he'd gone in why wouldn't you tell him you knew?"

It wasn't the first time he'd gone upstairs and we'd let him know how upset we was the first time. Plus he's quite naive and I think SIL would have manipulated him that it was a 'good idea'. So instead of causing a drama about it, I just took measures so it wouldn't happen again. I did stew about it for a long time, even now it irritates me to think of all of them snooping around and it was years ago! But I'm trying to learn to let go Lol

There's that saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...
So now he can't do it again, there's no reason to go on about it :)

I wouldn't be pleased. You gave them no reason to poke about behind closed doors; you left everything out for them, and made it v obvious where the baby room and loo were (finding the loo is about the only reason for door opening. And even then, re-close!). I don't snoop, I find it incredibly rude. As is seeking out deliberately hidden food. The washing up would also irk me a bit, if they've had time to poke about, but I would probably shrug it off.

My grandmother was a snooper, she looked through the front window of my parents house once when I was about 22 and still living in. They were away and trusted me fine but grandma decided to "report back" on her way past to the Drs as my car was out. So she came purposely up the long drive to look in the windows and told my mum on the phone it all looked immaculate and I'd laid the table v nicely for a meal with someone. I'm a tidy fiend anyway and they knew bf was visiting. Grandma was a bit surprised to be told she was a nosey old bat, had invaded my privacy and it would have served her right if we'd been going at it on the table! She didn't do it again.

Masterandmargerita they were left plenty of their favourite snacks so why was there need to look through the cupboards for extra things? Also you obviously have more disposable income then I do. It was just a cheap packet of digestive it was an expensive box of luxuries that i would only buy once a year.
Greatduckcookery... snooping is how they found them hence the OP 'to be annoyed at in laws snooping'