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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be angry than in laws snooped around the house

209 replies

ER1992 · 17/12/2018 19:51

Me and my husband went out for the 1st time Saturday night since having our baby. My in laws came round to baby sit while we were gone which was nice of them.
Before leaving I shut our bedroom door because it looked like a bomb had hit it after we had got ready and also shut the spare bedroom door because I had piles of dirty washing laid out plus all of the Xmas presents are in there (there's included) I left the babies bedroom door open incase they needed to go in for anything. Plus the rest of upstairs was generally untidy compared to downstairs and not exactly in a state of want people to see. On returning home and going upstairs all of the doors had been opened so this means one of the in laws had been snooping around which has annoyed me. There was no need for them to go upstairs.. we have a downstairs bathroom, we left spare clothes, nappies etc downstairs and told them they didn't need to put the baby to bed just let him sleep downstairs in the carry cot until we got home. AIBU to be annoyed?
They also had their dinner round ours (which we said was fine) but kindly left the washing up for us to do & polished off a whole box of Christmas biscuits!! This also annoyed me.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 17/12/2018 20:33

I wouldn't be happy. I don't like the way my MIL babysits - she doesn't actually put them to bed so they're exhausted for days afterwards. I stopped asking her.

WinterfellWench · 17/12/2018 20:38

Bit rude of them.

Question is...... Do you think they found your 12" dong?

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2018 20:42

What's really upsetting you op? The fact they saw the mess? And think you live like that and may judge you?

I think if people are babysitting in your home you need to assume they may look in the rooms and as such keep it tidy. Closing the door behind them doesn't mean they didn't look.

And quite frankly, if they were snooping they'd have shut the doors and pretended not to have looked, so clearly they see no issue. And didn't think you'd hide biscuits and begrudge them.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 20:44

1Redacted1
it's not fine, but it's to be expected unfortunately. It makes your life easier if you are ready for it.

Cleaner snooping, half your babysitters, your children's friends having a nose where they shouldn't, a guest opening the wrong door by "mistake" whilst looking for the bathroom Hmm
Unless you have a lock on your door, people are nosey. I have actually put a lock on my study, and I have put the dogs in there too on occasion.

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 20:45

All of that would piss me off, whether it was my parents, in-laws or friends. It's highly disrespectful to snoop, leave a message and eat food not set aside for them.

But...they did babysit. If you need them and they're reliable, I'd suck it up, it's really not a big enough deal to bring up and cause bad feeling.

If you don't need them...great, don't ask them to do it again.

If you have them back, put out paper plates and hide the best biscuits!

juliej00ls · 17/12/2018 20:45

Leave stuff for them to find..... 😉. If they are going to snoop .... pilfer food etc. make it worth their while. Maybe even notes .....or accept life is too short and you’ve given them something to talk about while you were out having fun.

ChikiTIKI · 17/12/2018 20:46

I would have just asked them if they were looking for something upstairs. And let the conversation awkwardly progress from there.

Depends what they are like. They could have been looking for something they needed, or they could have been nosing about to see what underwear you have, what contraception you are using, if you've been taking any pregnancy tests, etc.

BucketLid · 17/12/2018 20:46

Try your best to get over it. The minorest deal ever.

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 20:47

How is anyone okay with people snooping in their rooms?!

Sure, people get nosy but being an adult surely means you can exercise a bit of respect and refrain yourself!!

Original poster
ER1992 · 17/12/2018 20:49

I assume the people who are ok with this are the people who would also have a nose around other peoples houses

OP posts:
Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 20:51

@ER1992 agreed!

diddl · 17/12/2018 20:53

Did they actually go through stuff or just open doors and look in?

I think that the 2nd wouldn't bother me too much, although presumably they'seen around your house so it wasn't at all necessary.

cigarettessuffragettesandboys · 17/12/2018 20:54

This would bother me. I think it’s really rude that they would go in your bedroom - bedrooms are private and I wouldn’t dream of doing this in someone else’s home. The washing up is also rude but the biscuits seems like a bit of a non issue. They are babysitting after all.

My MIL used to “accidentally” open my letters when I lived with PIL and when I moved out hired a private detective on me. I feel like snooping can be a bit of a control thing.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/12/2018 20:57

I wouldn't like it either OP. What do you think they were looking for? Bit weird that they didn't close the doors.

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2018 20:58

I can understand why you might be mildly annoyed at them looking into rooms, but eating their dinner at yours? Why was that even an issue?

Original poster
ER1992 · 17/12/2018 20:59

Bertandrussel where does it say it was an issue eating dinner? Read again!

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 17/12/2018 21:00

Do you have doors that open with a push, or do you have to turn the handle? I ask because we have the former and a gust of wind (if you have a small window open) or a dog/cat can open them. Just a thought

BlueJay1 · 17/12/2018 21:00

My MIL does it all the time. She opens draws / bathroom cabinets. Loves a snoop.

I think it's very rude and would never presume to enter someone's bedroom or look in their closed cupboards.

My SIL also goes through everything, she especially likes to look in our food cupboards and helps herself to everything and anything. This I don't mind as much, but still think it's odd as we're not close at all.

Original poster
ER1992 · 17/12/2018 21:01

I have no idea what they could have been looking for if they were looking for something and couldn't find it then I'm confused as to why they didn't text us to ask

OP posts:
Original poster
ER1992 · 17/12/2018 21:02

Doors have a handle to turn and no windows were open

OP posts:
Rednaxela · 17/12/2018 21:08

Bloody rude leaving the washing up and eating the biscuits. No that's not the fair price of babysitting, it's not like they said oh we'll babysit if you give us biscuits and wash our dishes up Hmm

You and DH have a baby, they should have done their own AND whatever else washing up was to do. And brought biscuits for you and DH! That would have been thoughtful rather than thoughtless!

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2018 21:09

"They also had their dinner round ours (which we said was fine)"

It was this that made me think that them eating their dinner at your house was something you had to give permission for. Why "which we said was fine" otherwise?

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2018 21:11

And don't you say "help yourself" to babysitters?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/12/2018 21:12

They should NOT have been snooping around your bedroom. Would they like you to snoop around theirs?
You could do as your husband asks and quieetly put up with it but then they will think you are OK with it.
I would ask him to put a lock on your bedroom door if he wants you to agree to nothing to be said and make sure it is locked next time they visit. And put a sign with Baby's name on his door. They will get the message.
Or just speak up. It doesn't have to be angry or rude. Just calm and polite but non negotiable. It will also put them on notice that you will always politely, calmly challenge things in a pleasant way and ask them outright, without arguing.
But there will probably come a time when you need a grandparent to babysit and they know it.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 21:12

I assume the people who are ok with this are the people who would also have a nose around other peoples houses

again you are confusing being ok and being realistic. It's a bit like young children and medicine: you do teach them not to touch them ever, but you also put them away to be on the safe side. There's a staggering amount of people with no manners and no respect. There are also families who believe they have a right to go everywhere. I am still amazed as the amount of posters who think it's ok to put their feet on somebody's furniture, because "they took off their shoes" Confused

If you ever sell a property, record the visits, it's astonishing how nosey people can be.

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