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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to be angry than in laws snooped around the house

209 replies

ER1992 · 17/12/2018 19:51

Me and my husband went out for the 1st time Saturday night since having our baby. My in laws came round to baby sit while we were gone which was nice of them.
Before leaving I shut our bedroom door because it looked like a bomb had hit it after we had got ready and also shut the spare bedroom door because I had piles of dirty washing laid out plus all of the Xmas presents are in there (there's included) I left the babies bedroom door open incase they needed to go in for anything. Plus the rest of upstairs was generally untidy compared to downstairs and not exactly in a state of want people to see. On returning home and going upstairs all of the doors had been opened so this means one of the in laws had been snooping around which has annoyed me. There was no need for them to go upstairs.. we have a downstairs bathroom, we left spare clothes, nappies etc downstairs and told them they didn't need to put the baby to bed just let him sleep downstairs in the carry cot until we got home. AIBU to be annoyed?
They also had their dinner round ours (which we said was fine) but kindly left the washing up for us to do & polished off a whole box of Christmas biscuits!! This also annoyed me.

OP posts:
1Redacted1 · 17/12/2018 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BusyMum47 · 17/12/2018 21:12

My MIL has form for this & don't even get me started on reading all our cards yo each other!!

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 21:16

1Redacted1
you don't have many house parties, do you! There's a reason why I can lock my doors Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/12/2018 21:19

Those saying PILs shouldn't be snooping don't know that they were. They could have been looking for something they needed for the baby, I think anyone going snooping would leave the door as they found it personally.

MrsFassy · 17/12/2018 21:21

I'm sure some people on here simply love disagreeing with OPs or defending in-laws no matter what.

It's rude to go snooping in someone else's house, no matter who you are or whose house it is; everyone is entitled to their privacy. Just because some is babysitting does not entitle them free reign over the home they're babysitting in.

Leaving washing up is also rude; anytime I've ever babysat and had so much as a cup of tea I've washed, dried and put away whatever I've used (even when I was a teenager), my DC now does the same when she babysits. Whenever my own mum used to babysit for me I'd cone home to a spotless kitchen and all my ironing done, you would never have known she'd had any food/drink or that the DC had.

And those saying about the biscuits not being a big deal, I disagree, they were purchased for a reason, other snacks were available for the PiLs yet they still went rooting through the cupboards and ate a whole box of Christmas biscuits. That's rude. For all they knew the biscuits were a gift.

Polkasq · 17/12/2018 21:27

I totally agree with you OP. I'm surprised though that you aren't getting replies saying your MIL was entirely justified because she hadn't yet been given a "tour of the house" Grin

1Redacted1 · 17/12/2018 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 21:31

it's more that it's MN, and some posters cannot comprehend that other people don't behave the way they do.

Good for you if you only mix with well-mannered people. I am clearly too working class and I don't Grin

diddl · 17/12/2018 21:37

Well if they were snooping for the sake of it, you'd think that they would at least have had the sense to close the doors again.

chocolatepluswine · 17/12/2018 21:38

it's family so they have a right to have a peak at their son's bedroom

What? Why? I'd be so annoyed about the snooping. YANBU.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/12/2018 21:42

I expected you to go on to mention she tidied your bedroom. Still intrusive, but to snoop and leave their mess. Who would do that on a couple on a rare night out.
I definitely wouldn't ask them again.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 17/12/2018 22:13

I'd hate this. My in-laws are pretty good about stuff like that, but my own DM is horrendous, we've started calling her out on it, like they were over for dinner tonight and picked up a wedding invitation and had a nose through it. My DH asked with good nature if she'd found anything interesting and she proceeded to ask all about who was getting married! Just because it was on our kitchen table doesn't make it public property to leaf through!

rabbitfoodadvocate · 17/12/2018 22:22

My MIL loves a snoop. In the end, I told her I didn't like it and that when I wanted her interior decorating advice/home maintenance tips, I'd ask for them directly.

When we bought our home, she asked for a key and was very put out when I said no, because she didn't need to ever be in our house if we weren't in. Asked my DH when I wasn't there and he said the same thing and even told her my mum was getting the emergency key, as she could be trusted!

Maybe it's a generational thing? I'd never dream of snooping anywhere!

Flowerpot2005 · 17/12/2018 22:30

My MIL was asked to keep an eye on our house when we went away one time.

Oh she kept an eye on it alright, went into all the rooms, I'd closed the doors. Most bizarre one, our bed was made differently & bedroom curtains weren't as I'd left them. She decided my SIL, who lived at home, needed privacy with her new BF so she gave them the key. They had a shag in our bed, had a good snoop & helped themselves to food out the freezer.

Thought I was unreasonable to be pissed off...

UnderHerEye · 17/12/2018 22:31

It may well be that your in laws are more relaxed about this sort of thing, my family are fairly easy going about this kind of thing and so are my in laws (and I’m just as bad I walk in my in laws house and go straight over to the biscuit tin!) so it wouldn’t really come up, but if you would prefer that they don’t go wondering round then you need to tell them that. People have different expectations and having a a conversation about it now could save a whole lot of resentment later.

Whereartthouname · 17/12/2018 22:32

@flowerpot2005 ... speechless!! Omg!

rabbitfoodadvocate · 17/12/2018 22:32

@Flowerpot2005 Errrrrrm...did you bury the bodies nice and deep? Bloody hell I would have lost my shit.

Flowerpot2005 · 17/12/2018 22:36

Lol, wish I had murdered them both.

I was absolutely furious, so was DH to be fair but she was so arrogant when we spoke to her about it.

Needless to say, she was not asked again!

Mammyloveswine · 17/12/2018 22:39

Omg I get the rage when my parents snoop.. my dad always comments thst the ensuite could do with a clean... I have a downstairs bathroom and toilet so he has no need to go into my bedroom and use my own private space! So bloody rude!

My in laws are the opposite and would pretend to not even notice my hovel of a bedroom even if they slept there... Grin

StarsHollow123 · 17/12/2018 22:41

Bizarre responses from people saying they wouldn't mind. It's bloody rude OP, I'd have to call them out on it too.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/12/2018 22:42

I think if people are babysitting in your home you need to assume they may look in the rooms

Why would they need to look in the rooms? Are you saying everyone should assume that babysitters have no boundaries?

Musti · 17/12/2018 22:50

Out of order on all counts! You don't snoop in other people's houses even if you're related. I don't snoop in my still young children's stuff because I respect their privacy and it pissed me off that when I was a teenager, my parents would go through my stuff.

LittleMsM · 17/12/2018 23:04

It's annoying, locks on doors? if it really matters will end it. Try to just enjoy the babysitting - make sure your bloke does their dishes, and next time get them a whole packet of biscuits especially for babysitters - the baby was alive, and safe and you got some time together - pick your battles. It is rude, but for free babysitting, that encourages a relationship with their grandparents for your baby, and your relationship with your partner!!!!

grinchmas · 17/12/2018 23:05

This isn't the same thing but my parents are very much like this, they love a good old nose in peoples homes and they drive me mad.

I was mortified when I came back from my first holiday with DH, within the hour of me being back my Dad had gone through my suitcase and downloaded all the photos from my camera to have a look through. We were 18 and took many cringeworthy loved up photos. Think snogging photos at the beach Blush

It still irritates me when I think about it now! My Dad genuinely thought that no boundaries had been crossed.

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2018 23:06

I'd be annoyed- but it's not really a huge deal, surely? And I would certainly to expect family to help themselves to any food going that I hadn't specifically said not to. Thinking about the wedding invitation- I'd expect family to look at that, particularly if they knew the people. I would expect mil to look st dp's birthday cards and my mum to look at mine, but probably not vice versa. But I have to say. I know I'd be tempted to have a look into closed rooms if I was alone in someone else's house. I realky hope I wouldn't. But I would be tempted.

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