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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be angry than in laws snooped around the house

209 replies

ER1992 · 17/12/2018 19:51

Me and my husband went out for the 1st time Saturday night since having our baby. My in laws came round to baby sit while we were gone which was nice of them.
Before leaving I shut our bedroom door because it looked like a bomb had hit it after we had got ready and also shut the spare bedroom door because I had piles of dirty washing laid out plus all of the Xmas presents are in there (there's included) I left the babies bedroom door open incase they needed to go in for anything. Plus the rest of upstairs was generally untidy compared to downstairs and not exactly in a state of want people to see. On returning home and going upstairs all of the doors had been opened so this means one of the in laws had been snooping around which has annoyed me. There was no need for them to go upstairs.. we have a downstairs bathroom, we left spare clothes, nappies etc downstairs and told them they didn't need to put the baby to bed just let him sleep downstairs in the carry cot until we got home. AIBU to be annoyed?
They also had their dinner round ours (which we said was fine) but kindly left the washing up for us to do & polished off a whole box of Christmas biscuits!! This also annoyed me.

OP posts:
Vicky1990 · 17/12/2018 23:09

Get some locking bolts fitted to the doors.
It is an invasion of your privacy to go prying around your house, not acceptable behaviour.

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 23:11

What did your DH say about the biscuits? Is he pissed off as well?

IgglePiggleWiggle · 17/12/2018 23:25

This easily could have been MIL asking FIL to fetch a nappy and him wandering upstairs and opening the wrong doors. If they are otherwise loving grandparents just let it go.

greenlynx · 18/12/2018 00:04

I would be uncomfortable with this as well. I would be ok with washing up, not ideal, but ok. You could mention this now but it would be tricky. Just be aware that they likely have problem with boundaries and try to rise the issue "on the spot" not after.
And yes, unfortunately you should expect things like this in real life. It's the main reason why I don't have a cleaner!

ItsThisOneThing · 18/12/2018 02:50

I think if they had been snooping they would have shut the doors afterwards.

I think it's been innocent, and they've been looking for something.

If it was me I would ask in a lighthearted way whether they'd been upstairs, as you thought you were going mad because you were sure you'd shut the doors over.

Gina2012 · 18/12/2018 03:05

But if they'd shut the doors you'd never have known.

I think you're making too much of this

Whyareallthegoodnamesgone · 18/12/2018 03:18

Unless you paid them for the babysitting, I'd expect to let them have food and I'd wash up for them happily. Maybe they were a bit overwhelmed caring for the child, it can happen. I'd assume they were just looking for something upstairs and not be so worried about it.

claraschu · 18/12/2018 03:24

I wouldn't mind at all, as long as I wasn't already annoyed at the person opening doors and eating biscuits.

In general, I don't care if people see my mess- it just doesn't really bother me. Can't imagine being annoyed by my parents eating something in my house, either. And no, OP, the fact that I don't mind people peeking into my bedroom doesn't mean that I have any interest in looking at theirs.

jessstan2 · 18/12/2018 03:51

I think I'd forgive them, it's not a hanging offence after all and you can't hang on to something like that forever. However I wouldn't like it at all.
I'm surprised they didn't wash up, that what mums and dads usually do but, hey, maybe you came home a bit earlier than expected before they did it.

Earthmover · 18/12/2018 03:57

They ate a packet of biscuits? Omg.
Pretty cheap for a nights childcare mind you.
If it bothered you that much, you shouldn't leave family unattended in your house.
And I bet it won't put you off asking anyone else next time you fancy a night away from the kid and some free babysitters

Original poster
ER1992 · 18/12/2018 04:17

Earthwarmer that's a bit harsh I won't go out when I 'fancy a night away from the kid' I won't be going out unless it's a for a special occasion. It was my works Xmas do that my husband wasn't going to come to so he'd have looked after the baby untill the last minute when the in laws kept saying they would like to babysit so told my husband to come with me to spend time with me. I didn't realise I wasn't allowed out on the odd occasion

OP posts:
Earthmover · 18/12/2018 04:37

Raging about the in laws eating a packet of biscuits and leaving a bedroom door open while watching your kid for free is far harsher IMHO.
I'd imagine they felt quite pleased getting the opportunity to carry out their duties.
Leave the poor old blighters alone

Original poster
ER1992 · 18/12/2018 04:45

A packet of biscuits from the biscuit tin is slightly different to a box of expensive biscuits that have been clearly put out of the way for an occasion. We had left them drinks, crisps & dip, their fave chocolates and nuts. And the post isn't about a door being left open it's about snooping in rooms they didn't need to go in

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 18/12/2018 06:47

You don't know they were snooping

All you know is that the doors were open when originally they were shut

You sound ungrateful and entitled.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 06:48

They must have been stuffed eating all that food plus the biscuits you'd hidden.

It's clear you don't care for them and even looks like you were doing them a favour by letting them babysit. Just don't have them do it again would be my advice.

OliveSeaTurtle · 18/12/2018 07:03

I absolutely hate snoopers, we went on holliday 3 years ago and FIL looked after our dog. He has a spare set of keys incase of emergencies. We asked him not to go upstairs (because it was a bit messy) before we left.

I left tape on all the doors upstairs just to see.

When we came back, all tapes were broken and he said that SIL and her boyfriend came over to our house with him and their dog too. SIL's dog did a poo in the spare bedroom upstairs so they needed to clean it up. (We don't even get along with SIL that well).

I was furious and let down, we never said anything to him about him but we've changed the locks since and now I ask my Mum to look after the dog and give her the spare set.

MrsFassy · 18/12/2018 07:14

@Gina2012 how is the OP entitled?

I swear I'm reading a different thread to some people. Again @GreatDuckCookery where does the OP say that the in-laws ate everything she'd left for them plus the box of biscuits? She doesn't, she has just stated what they'd been left as snacks and that what they did eat- the box of biscuits- hadn't been left for them. And read again, the babysitting occurred at their insistence; they'd been asking since baby was born to do so. It wasn't a necessity as OP's husband was more than willing to stay home to take care of his child so the OP could have her night out.

Also there people go again with the 'free childcare' bollocks. It's grandparents taking care of a grandchild, they get as much- perhaps even more- out of it as the OP and her husband.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 07:15

I was furious and let down, we never said anything to him about him

Why on earth not? If you had gone to the trouble of putting tape over doors and you knew he'd gone in why wouldn't you tell him you knew?

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2018 07:17

I agree if they had been snooping they'd have shut the doors again. As such possibly one of them went to get something and didn't realise this was going to be such a big deal to you. Or eating the biscuits being major for you .

Honestly I'd take a step back and think about how petty you are being.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 07:18

And read again, the babysitting occurred at their insistence; they'd been asking since baby was born to do so. It wasn't a necessity as OP's husband was more than willing to stay home to take care of his child so the OP could have her night out.

And?

DanglyBangly · 18/12/2018 07:18

The biscuits are the rudest part of you ask me. Who goes rooting through someone’s cupboards and opens a brand new box of biscuits that have clearly been tucked away for Xmas?! And the poking round the bedrooms!

They were really rude and obnoxious.

cushioncuddle · 18/12/2018 07:19

When I babysit my GS I wouldn't dream of looking round the house. I haven't ever thought to do it to be honest.
I'd make a cup of tea , some toast and pinch a chocolate if a box was open but I bring my own food if I need more.

I can totally understand why you'd be cross. It's rude. It's your personal space. Someone kindly babysitting for you does not mean you loose your right to privacy. I even think it's rude to have not washed up.

Doing a kind favour for someone is like giving a present , it doesn't let the giver have power or authority over the receiver and doesn't cause the receiver any stress or unnecessary extra work.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 07:23

MrsFassy the OP doesn't say that the crisps and dips weren't eaten either just that she left them out but they'd eaten the biscuits, not sure where you're going with that one though tbh.

SugarCoatIt · 18/12/2018 07:50

Yes, it's an invasion of privacy and they've stepped over a boundary, however, they did you a favour babysitting and you may well need to call on them again, so I think you need to suck it up a bit. (They could have discretely had a nosey and shut the door and you'd have been none the wiser)

The washing up, well, they could've washed up, the biscuits well they could have left some, but was it worth it to have an evening to yourselves? I'd say so.

This will not be the first, or last, time your in laws will do something to irritate you, but it's all part of he game (for some of us, not all of us, there are a lucky few out there) their hearts in the right place at the end of the day, they want to be a part of their GCs life, and that's way more important than anything else.

masterandmargarita · 18/12/2018 07:54

Who puts away biscuits for special occasions? I really think you need to look at what they did for you in the big scheme of things.

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