To say no to this request? Really need advice

[Mimibamz]

Hi all please I need your advice. So... my SIL wants my OH and I to have her daughter (5) and live in au pair stay at our house while she goes away overseas for about 10days to get some things sorted over the Xmas period. Now I understand she wants us to look after them and watch over my niece. OH was against the idea of them coming to stay here at all as they live close and we can pop in daily to check on them and they can come visit and we can go over. I suggested they can stay over for Xmas eve, Xmas and Boxing Day as a compromise and we can ensure we check on them as much as possible. SIL didn’t like this suggestion and wants them to stay here the whole 10 days. Thing is I have 2 kids of my own 5 years and 8 months and I truly don’t really want them to stay over the whole 10days. I like my space and am still navigating life with 2 kids. We have helped out like this once before in the past when she was away and let her au pair and my niece stay but were exhausted afterwards and wanted our house/routine back! . What do you think? Should we have just said yes since it’s family? I want to help but I also want to be able to have my space and house on my own terms.

[DistanceCall]

This isn't the issue is it. The issue is the mother abandoning her child of 5 to go off in a jolly.

That is the underlying issue, yes. But in the short term, there is the question of what to do with a little girl who is about to be dumped by her mother.

Of course the OP's husband needs to have a serious talk with his sister and things needs to change. But meanwhile, I think they should take his niece in, because it sounds like she has nowhere else to go.

[Mamadee15]

@Distancecall
I don’t believe she will abandon her. We / dh should have had a proper talk with her when she made the request because in his mind she was not being honest about her reasons for going tho he didn’t say this. This was our fault. He didn’t want to deal with her kicking off as has happened previously. Nonetheless I’ve told him to have the conversation so that we can do what’s best for dn.

[DistanceCall]

That's good, then.

[FuckingYuleLog]

Unless there is anyone else willing to take a child and au pair for 10 days over Christmas (unlikely) then the mum will have to take her child with her or stay home and delay the important paperwork. Surely there’s nothing that important. What would happen if she was taken I’ll? She’d have to delay.
The op or anyone else stepping in to take her child is just enabling her mums selfish parenting. Providing that the child is well looked after when the mum is with her then I think the op needs to stop letting her duck out of her responsibilities. If she isn’t otherwise well cared for then I’d be speaking to children’s services for advice.

[Mamadee15]

@FuckingYuleLog she is well looked after with mum. There’s no need for child services. Just think she wanted to go on a jolly and wanted us to look after dn while she was off but didn’t know how to say it was a jolly so made up the ‘paperwork’. In any case I don’t believe she will leave them. Ive left it to dh to discuss with sil.

[FuckingYuleLog]

Well if your dh says no he’ll be doing his niece a favour imo. She can spend Christmas in her own home with her mum.

[AWishForWingsThatWork]

She might be 'well looked after with mum', but emotionally? I doubt it if she's lying so she can go on a jolly and leave her 5 year old behind for Christmas.

For Christmas. A family holiday.

Poor kid.

[Butterflysprinkles]

How can a parent leave their child on christmas day 😢

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

No adult should feel pressured into doing something unreasonable to avoid another adult “kicking off”. That’s bullying and coercion, pure and simple. Does your husband’s sister often have such tantrums in order to get her own way?

I think she wins the prize for the most selfish mother on MN 2018.

[jetSTAR]

What happened OP?

[MadameGerbil]

Not sure what age the au-pair is but if they are under 18 and without adult in loco parentis supervision by SIL, would that also be a case for SS? (not the OPs problem though).

[calpop]

Did she go? I hope she got caught up in the Gatwick closures if she did Horrible woman.

Is she from a culture that doesnt celebrate Christmas?

[Cloglover]

OP, don't be hard on yourself for not wanting DN for such a long period of time. You've got a lot on your hands with your own children already - so it's not like you're going to be spending quality time with them - it's just going to be a lot of extra hard work.

[TheMaddHugger]

@Mimibamz Wondering if we can have an update Please ((Hugs))🌻