Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no, you can't just do what you want DH?

272 replies

Elmoespanol · 14/12/2018 16:46

DH was going out for his work's Christmas party. I asked him what time he'd be back (for safety reasons, as he tends to drink more than usual at these events). He told me that he'd do what he wanted to do and not to wait up for him. I told him well, no, you're a parent and you can't just do whatever you want if you're family is waiting for you at home? I can guarantee that the other people with children will have agreed a time to be home with their partners before leaving the house, no?

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmoespanol · 14/12/2018 16:47

Your not you're

OP posts:
BoebePhuffay · 14/12/2018 16:49

Ooh I can smell his contempt from here! Not good. I’m guessing his drinking has been a bone of contention before?

SoyDora · 14/12/2018 16:50

We have 2 young DC at home and no, we don’t have an agreed time for him to be home. I generally expect a text at some point over the course of the evening but that’s about it. He may give an indication, as in ‘it won’t be a late one’ or ‘don’t wait up’. The same as when I go out really!

RNBrie · 14/12/2018 16:50

My dh wouldn't give me a time. He might say he'll aim for 11ish but if he's not home by then not to be surprised. It's never happened but I'd start to worry if he wasn't home or hadn't made contact by 2am as that would be really unusual but I wouldn't expect an exact time.

Bringbackbertha · 14/12/2018 16:50

Not necessarily. My dh is also a father... he went off on his works do. Said it probably wouldn't be late as it's just dinner but would let me know when he was on his way.

I wouldn't expect him to give a specific time but he wouldn't stay later than 1 as our dd doesn't sleep through and is usually awake at 5/6am

Also my dh doesn't go out often so it's his night to have fun and not be treated like a child.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/12/2018 16:50

YABU he's an adult.
Now if you need him to be up the following morning, take the DC somewhere then that you can remind him of that, but no you dont wait up for him and no he doesnt have to clock watch.

Myusername2015 · 14/12/2018 16:51

To me it would depend how often he is going out. My husband (whom I have children with) would be annoyed if I asked what time he would get back from his Christmas do but then he hasn’t been out in about 3 months. So I tend to just let him enjoy himself on the rare times he is going out and enjoy the bed to myself.

Brazenhussy0 · 14/12/2018 16:51

I hate that 'I'll do what I want.' attitude.

Yes, technically, anyone can do what they want. But if you doing what you want is facilitated by someone else taking care of your offspring while you are out, then it's only a very basic courtesy to tell them when you expect to be back home.
It takes two people to make a child, so two people are responsible for them.

SinglePringle · 14/12/2018 16:51

No. It’s the works do at Christmas. I’d neither give nor expect an ETA.

hidinginthenightgarden · 14/12/2018 16:52

Nope. DH always says he will only be a couple of hours when he goes out. We both know he doesn't mean it!
For his work party he has booked a hotel room so isn't coming back at all.

SantyClaws · 14/12/2018 16:53

I'd not expect an ETA for a xmas party.

Amaaboutthis · 14/12/2018 16:53

I’ve never agreed a time when either of us will be home. It wouldn’t occur to me to. He might say “I’ll be late” or “should be back early” but no, I would never expect him to agree a curfew with him. He’s an adult

peachgreen · 14/12/2018 16:53

Hmm, I'm in two minds. Not appropriate the way he spoke to you, but my DH is out at his Christmas party tonight and I've no idea when he'll be home. Having said that he will let me know when he's leaving so I'll know when he should be back and we're driving tomorrow morning so I know he'll be in a fit state to do that.

edwinbear · 14/12/2018 16:53

YABU. DH and I are also parents of two small children. I would never expect to have to agree and stick to a curfew and I would never impose one on him.

Hohocabbage · 14/12/2018 16:54

I don’t agree with your last line, no, agreeing a time not done in my house anyway - we might say it’s going to be a late one, or it won’t be late it’s just a meal or whatever.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/12/2018 16:54

I think YABU to expect an ETA. They are difficult to give upfront and quite stressful.

YANBU to be concerned about that attitude though. I wouldn't expect him back anytime soon; and I'd be using that time to consider things. He sounds full of contempt. Are there a lot of issues? Is his drinking the "only" problem?

adaline · 14/12/2018 16:55

I have to say I wouldn't be impressed if my husband told me to be home at a certain time. As long as he's home and functioning the following morning, does it really matter?

I have my works Christmas do on Sunday and I'm not even coming home after because it's a long drive and I want to be able to have a drink and relax without watching the clock all the time.

He's a grown up and it's one night. Can he not just go out and enjoy himself without a curfew?

rookiemere · 14/12/2018 16:55

Er no I don't agree a time that I'm going to be home from a work do, and unless there is some big back story about him regularly turning up at 3am, I'd find it quite controlling to have to say exactly when I think I'd be back.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 14/12/2018 16:55

It sounds like there's definitely some lingering tension about this. Personally as a one off I would have no problem with DH staying out late for his christmas party and having a lie in the next day. I would expect the same too. That said I would expect to be able to discuss with him sensibly how late he'll stay out even if the answer is "I'm not sure might be a late one tonight".

Maybe83 · 14/12/2018 16:56

No we don't have an agreed time to be home.

Especially on a big night out. I'm most likely not to come home and stay out at friends/hotel etc.

I would find it extremely controlling if dh behaved like that.

DragonMamma · 14/12/2018 16:56

Errr, no. We don’t agree a time here unless there’s lifts involved although they tend not to be as the DC are relatively young.

I may indicate whether it’s going to be a mad one or not but that’s it.

Sounds like you have form for this OP and he’s rebelling a bit...?

IntentsAndPorpoises · 14/12/2018 16:56

I'm going on mine tomorrow night. If dh asked me what time I'd be home I'd laugh at him. I'm an adult.

Deadringer · 14/12/2018 16:56

Yabu. If he was out a lot maybe, but for his work do I would expect him to come home whenever he wants.

PenApple · 14/12/2018 16:56

I’ve never had a time from mine. I don’t go out but if I did I’d be miffed if I was asked to give a return time.

LegoandiPads · 14/12/2018 16:57

Dh is off to his works do tonight, it hasn’t occurred to me to ask when he will beback(just if I was out he wouldn’t ask).

Swipe left for the next trending thread