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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour has ignored us for over a year

318 replies

Mk1234 · 14/12/2018 08:26

We moved in a year ago, next door to us are a couple with 2 girls. Few weeks after moving i went over with some some chocolates and said hi and general chat outside door step with the man, i even said tell your other half to pop over for a cuppa it would be lovely to meet her. The man has always been polite to us and will acknowledge us however the woman has not once said hi, there have been times when she is in the house and ive gone to drop off their parcel and she has not opened the door instead shes waited for her husband to come home to collect it.
From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues from what i can tell. Im not too bothered by it in all honesty as ive got far to much going on in my own life but just out of curiosity im baffaled as to why she is ignoring us.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/12/2018 08:30

I expect she’s just quite anti-social, and doesn’t want a relationship with her immediate neighbours.

Not much else to it Smile

italiancortado · 14/12/2018 08:32

I have lived in this house for almost 20 years and i barely make hellos with the neighbours. It's just not something that interests me.

brick10 · 14/12/2018 08:33

She might have anxiety or other condition. Not all health issues are visible. Equally she may not. It’s up to people what they want to do, hardly an issue if someone chooses to actively not engage with you, everyone has little perculiarities.

onalongsabbatical · 14/12/2018 08:35

Yup, I'd say she just wants to not engage and is a bit embarrassed as you've been quite forward. I'd have extended the cuppa invite in person after gauging her level of warmth/body language but it's too late to do that you guys are now stuck in a dynamic.

Swipetounlock · 14/12/2018 08:36

Many people are wary of getting too socially pally with next door neighbours in case there is some kind of dispute in the future, eg fences, noise, party wall. I maintain a cordial relationship with mine.

GraduationDilemma · 14/12/2018 08:36

I'm antisocial and find chit chat like this uncomfortable. I try my best not to be rude but I'd hide too if I thought someone was constantly lurking to invite me for a cuppa Grin

BentNeckLady · 14/12/2018 08:36

There are some religions that like to keep women isolated. Maybe her husband doesn’t allow her to open the door. Maybe she just doesn’t like people very much.

Claw001 · 14/12/2018 08:37

Could be numerous reasons why she isn’t very social. She might suffer with social anxiety, depression etc be shy or doesn’t want a friendship with neighbours!

Vitalogy · 14/12/2018 08:37

It's hard to know what's going on behind closed doors. Some people are very private. I like to be friendly with neighbours, quick chats, helping out with building work arrangements etc but I think you'd be too much for me, sorry. I like to come home, my home is a sanctuary. Neighbour knocking door for cuppa would put me right out.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 14/12/2018 08:37

You’ve been a bit pushy with your “tell her to come over for a cuppa” thing. Not everyone wants to soacialise with their neighbours. It won’t be personal I’m sure.

GrannyJillS · 14/12/2018 08:39

The only thing thing you may have in common is beings a neighbour. I would let it go.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 14/12/2018 08:40

Some people are just odd.

A family used to live next door but one to me. The man was chatty but the woman never spoke and ignored me if I said hello in passing.

She had a nasty fall and badly broke her arm and shoulder. One day the man was getting into the car when I walked past and I asked after her. He said she was coping but sometimes found it difficult with the children. She came out of the house at this point. I smiled and said "if you're ever struggling and I'm home, just send the children round to me if you need a break." She just glared at me and snapped "that won't be necessary" got in the car and slammed the door Shock He just said sorry and got in the car.

They split up and the house was sold after that. Found out afterwards that she never interacted with any of the neighbours and was rude to all of them.

Vitalogy · 14/12/2018 08:41

I'd have extended the cuppa invite in person after gauging her level of warmth/body language This is a good point. Too much too soon maybe OP.

Santababyclaus · 14/12/2018 08:43

I don't have anxiety/depression, I'm religiously confined, my DP isn't controlling. I'm polite to my neighbours if I see them but I have no interest in becoming friends with any of them.

Santababyclaus · 14/12/2018 08:44

I'm not religiously confined,

Duchessgummybuns · 14/12/2018 08:44

Sounds like a good neighbour to me Grin (I’m the antisocial one)

PinaColada1 · 14/12/2018 08:45

What is religiously confined?

Hofuckingho · 14/12/2018 08:47

I expect she’s just quite anti-social

That’s the wrong term, she may not be sociable or it may be something else.

brizzledrizzle · 14/12/2018 08:48

She could have any number of reasons. I don't socialise with our neighbours at all and have no interest in doing so.

echt · 14/12/2018 08:49

I know language is fluid, but can we stop using "antisocial " when we mean "unsociable"?

The former implies an aggressive act, i.e. shitting in your handbag. The latter indicates a withdrawal from ordinary friendliness that might appear unacceptable to outsiders. But does not amount to active aggression.

The ASBO makes this clear.

SomeBigBaubles · 14/12/2018 08:49

She's probably just shy!

SomeBigBaubles · 14/12/2018 08:51

@echt

I know language is fluid, but can we stop using "antisocial " when we mean "unsociable"?

THIS!

dworky · 14/12/2018 08:56

Sounds very much like social anxiety but even if not, you shouldn't take it personally. If she doesn't know you, it can't be about you.

dippledorus · 14/12/2018 08:58

She just doesn’t want to be friends with you. Why are you so bothered?

Madeline88 · 14/12/2018 09:00

Our nn neighbours barely speak to us and we have children around the same age. I think it’s because I was pregnant when I first moved in as was she and she didn’t want to be friendly in case I wanted to hang out with her all the time on maternity leave etc? Well that’s what I hope anyway because we are fairly nice people and mainly think they are weirdos for not being friendly.