Neighbour has ignored us for over a year

[Mk1234]

We moved in a year ago, next door to us are a couple with 2 girls. Few weeks after moving i went over with some some chocolates and said hi and general chat outside door step with the man, i even said tell your other half to pop over for a cuppa it would be lovely to meet her. The man has always been polite to us and will acknowledge us however the woman has not once said hi, there have been times when she is in the house and ive gone to drop off their parcel and she has not opened the door instead shes waited for her husband to come home to collect it.
From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues from what i can tell. Im not too bothered by it in all honesty as ive got far to much going on in my own life but just out of curiosity im baffaled as to why she is ignoring us.

"The former implies an aggressive act, i.e. shitting in your handbag."

I love that the first aggressive act that came to your mind is shitting in a handbag! Lol!

Maybe anonymous forums like mumsnet attract introverts. There have been plenty of threads about hating talking to other parents at the school gates or disliking having strangers talk to them on buses or in cafes. I'll talk to anybody!

^ That's great if you can afford that. If you live in certain flats it isn't wise to get to know your neighbours. I don't think you can understand that before you live in it. You do not go into their properties because you don't know what you might find. I don't get how people can't understand that. I used to visit my friend, she was in a well known tower block. Not everywhere is like that but where she was you just didn't do that. Likewise, where i moved out to, you CAN do that, it's fine. But places are different and situations are different and I don't understand how people can't grasp that. Some living situations it simply isn't safe to do that.

It's actually insulting to read yourself being called unfriendly and socially awkward when you're keeping yourself safe. Do you honestly think it's OK to go around to a flat you don't know, in certain areas of inner city Birmingham? If anything happened the police would be the first to ask why on earth you did that. Take a walk around some estates, take a walk around some tower blocks. Then ask yourself if you'd go into a residence you didn't know if you were invited around. Then ask yourself why you're judging people who are trying to make the best decision they can and protect themselves. Not everyone lives in paradise. Stop insulting people for making the best decisions they can.

Thankfully, common sense seems to be prevailing in the last few pages of this thread, and many of the rude and vile posts have been deleted.

As I said earlier, I am sick of people who want to be pally and sociable with neighbours (and who want to invite them round to their house and expect an invite back,) slagging off new neighbours who are not interested in being pals.

I have my friends, I have family, I have a job, I have a life. I don't want to move into a neighbourhood, and be accosted by someone as soon as I step foot out of the removal van, who is desperate to be pals. Some posters have said they are NOT, but yeah they obviously are LOL! Just stop it. It's creepy and off-putting and smacks of desperation, and makes you look needy and desperate.

I am sure (some) people mean well, but they need to understand that not everyone is like them. They may be anti-social (that means not sociable or wanting the company of others not just someone who breaks the law and causes bother!) Or they may suffer anxiety, or they may just be too busy, with too full a life to make room for mixing and socialising with neighbours. Or maybe they just don't WANT to mix with their new neighbours. Accept that, respect their decision, and move on!

Like me, some people already have friends, and family, and a job/career, and hobbies and interests that occupy their time nicely, and they don't want or need to make new friends. So someone jumping on them as soon as they move in saying 'come for a coffee' is not something they want to hear. And you will find them avoiding you because they don't want to be asked again.

Upshot is, the thing that really fucks me off about all of this, is how incensed and angry people seem to be, when people say they don't want to mix with neighbours socially. There are some very angry posts on here from people who are getting very stroppy because people do NOT want to be sociable with neighbours. There are also some rude and offensive posts from people slagging off - and mocking - people who don't wish to socialise with their neighbours. FFS, just accept that SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO SOCIALISE WITH THEIR BLOODY NEIGHBOURS!

As I said before, these are the kind of people that I - and people like me, (and many other posters on here,) will walk a mile out of our way to avoid. Pushy, nosey, interfering, judgemental, demanding to know why people don't want to be their friend, and then wondering why people avoid them!

I don't ever see anyone (who is quiet and unsociable,) moaning that the people in their neighbourhood are socialising a lot and going out and having people round. Yet I ALWAYS see people who are majorly sociable SLAGGING OFF people who don't wish to socialise with them. How about you just butt out of peoples lives and get with your own, and accept that people are different to you, and just accept that you do not NEED to be friends with your neighbours!

It's perfectly acceptable to just say 'hi' when you see them, maybe stop and chat for a few minutes now and again, and help out in an emergency. Many people will run a mile if they move into a new home, and someone runs over asking them in for a coffee! Stop being so pushy and accept not everyone is the same FGS.

Also, as a number of posters have said, being friends with neighbours rarely ends well. When you fall out (and you almost always will!) you still have to live next to them. All the nuisance-neighbour programmes on telly, involve people who were previously close pals. rarely is it people who were just casual acquaintances who only said hi when they saw each other.

@Olympic19

This is one of those threads that makes me realize that MN must be full of insanely socially-awkward, unfriendly introverts. I'm so glad most of you are not my neighbors!

And I am incredibly glad you are not one of MY neighbours.

We specifically looked for a neighborhood where there was a strong sense of community. Our kids run round together in a pack, we have monthly wine nights and 2 or 3 big get together each year.

Sounds like my idea of hell.

Again, just learn to accept that not EVERYONE is the same as you! I have to say... you sound incredibly pushy and annoying.

@Winterwell I'm neither pushy nor annoying 😄 If the neighbors don't want to be social, that's there prerogative. But what I object to is this notion that anyone who does enjoy good relationships with their neighbors is somehow a cringeworthy, desperate, pushy saddo with a barren, empty life, just waiting for an unsuspecting neighbor to pounce on. That's bullshit.

@Olympia19

But what I object to is this notion that anyone who does enjoy good relationships with their neighbors is somehow a cringeworthy, desperate, pushy saddo with a barren, empty life.

Well if the cap fits.

At the worst period of my dads bipolar life he was very paranoid about our neighbours, my mum has no social graces and her interaction with other human beings is odd to say the least. I grew up thinking it was weird to interact with neighbours.
Then I moved away and found out that they can be lovely and have been friendly or even become friends with most of my neighbours since.
My parents ended up moving away from my childhood home because of their paranoia. They split up.
My dad is still distant with neighbours but can be politely social with them as his illness is much better controlled. My mum still has very weird relationships with her neighbours who are lovely but they give her a lot of help and leeway for her bluntness which can verge on rudeness as she now has dementia.

Sadly OP we live in an age where far too many people are suspicious, defensive, unfriendly and their levels of anxiety and paranoia are through the roof.

What you did was a nice thing and I think some of the reactions you've had on this thread are a sad indictment on the state of our society and our attitude to others these days.

If it were me, even if I didn't feel immediately comfortable with coming in for coffee until I'd got the measure of you a bit, I'd still make sure I knocked for my parcels, said thank you, introduced myself, and smiled and said hello if I saw you in the street. Anything less is just plain rude.

Leave people in peace.

@Winterwell I hope one of your new year's resolutions is to get yourself some therapy or anger management sessions. You need it.

the thing that really fucks me off about all of this, is how incensed and angry people seem to be, when people say they don't want to mix with neighbours socially.

I would be wary of getting into socialising situations with neighbours too. At least I would approach it very slowly and carefully, as once you are involved with people it can be difficult to extract yourself without causing offence.

But this isn't about the OP wanting a new best friend. It's about people being insular, miserable and just bloody rude.

I am an extrovert - very busy socially and at work. I love being the centre of attention.

I still do not have one iota of interest in socialising with my neighbours.

@WinterfellWench I'm not the only one to advise anger management! Really, get some!

PMSL! Pot kettle black!

I've had truly fabulous neighbours who are still great friends years after I moved away and I've had some weirdos and really unpleasant neighbours too. Proceeding with caution is always to be advised. That doesn't mean you can't at least nod and say hello. Honestly, it's much harder to and more awkward to avoid catching the eye of a neighbour on a weekly basis than it is to just acknowledge them with a smile and one simple word - Hello.

Unless you have a crack den on one side and an angry man with swastikas tattooed onto his face on the other, how hard can it be?

@Charlie97

I am not the one who has got multiple posts deleted. YOU are the one who needs 'anger management' dahhling.

As for olympia. Just stay out of my life and my business and get on with your own... Thank you

And thank FUCK I don't have either of you 2 for neighbours!!!

.

You have had multiple posts deleted!!! What an odd statement!!! Can you not see the ones you've had delated?

But this isn't about the OP wanting a new best friend. It's about people being insular, miserable and just bloody rude.

Got some news for ya Kirsty sweetie. If a neighbour wants to BE 'insular miserable and rude'... THAT IS THEIR RIGHT.

You don't get to tell people how they should behave.

YOU have had multiple posts deleted on this thread @Charlie97

I have not.

And you know it.

As I said - YOU are the one who needs anger management sweetie.

As you were.

You don't get to tell people how they should behave.

You are right, I don't.

I DO get the right to say that in my considered opinion too many people are paranoid, rude, unsociable, miserable cunts though.

@WinterfellWench

@WinterfellWench my apologies!! I got the wrong poster!

@Charlie97

Why have you put screenshots of posts that have been deleted by other posters? They weren't mine.