Neighbour has ignored us for over a year

[Mk1234]

We moved in a year ago, next door to us are a couple with 2 girls. Few weeks after moving i went over with some some chocolates and said hi and general chat outside door step with the man, i even said tell your other half to pop over for a cuppa it would be lovely to meet her. The man has always been polite to us and will acknowledge us however the woman has not once said hi, there have been times when she is in the house and ive gone to drop off their parcel and she has not opened the door instead shes waited for her husband to come home to collect it.
From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues from what i can tell. Im not too bothered by it in all honesty as ive got far to much going on in my own life but just out of curiosity im baffaled as to why she is ignoring us.

He probably ate the chocolates but didn't want to admit it so didn't pass on the message.

Being friendly is very different to being friends... Having a neighbourly chat or even popping in for the occasional cup of tea are in the realms being friendly.

I would be terrified if my neighbour was making offers for me to go round for cups of tea. For me it would be too much too soon and I'd just hide as well.

I'm autistic and I need to get to know someone more naturally eg conversations over fence etc before I could cope with going in their house or having them in my house.

I get that some people don't want to interact with their neighbours, but why on earth is it cringeworthy.?

You sound like my worst nightmare.

From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues
How do you know?!

I have severe PTSD and most of the time can't deal with people. The door knocking is one of my triggers and I don't answer it ever unless my husband is home. No one would know this just by looking at me, so to suggest there are no health issues is ridiculous.

Also, I don't like people. I just don't. I don't want to associate with my neighbours. It's not a condition that I have to. I'm a private person and I like my own company. I can't think of anything worse than a "cuppa" with a stranger and inane talk about next door's dog.

I agree, though I’m guessing many of the borderline sociopaths on this thread would see that as akin to stalking, get the police involved and seek to serve them with an exclusion order

I send DH round to collect parcels. Partly anti-social and partly he's better at being friendly without getting trapped being talked at for ages. Not that any of our neighbours are like that really but it's a quicker job all round if he does it.

One side haven't had anything to do with us for a good year. To be fair we haven't approached them either. I fret about it temporarily and try and let it go over my head.

I wouldn't want to pop in for coffee next door. My neighbours seem perfectly nice, but I would have to return the favour, then you can't just stop. So I would hide from you too! Nothing personal.

I wish you were my neighbour OP. I'd have a cuppa with you.

I'm a northerner, I'll have a cuppa with anyone and I even talk to peop[e at bus stops

We lived next door to a family for about 15 years, we chatted in the garden and got on very well with them but never entered their home nor they ours, When we were in the area after we left we dropped round and actually entered the house and sat down! In fact, in a cul de sac of 18 houses we only ever entered two when they had birthday parties in that 15 year period.

@ihopethisisagoodidea

I like being polite and friendly to my neighbours but I don't want to actually be friends with them...I think a lot of people feel similar.

Yeah this. And I am sick of the nasty mocking, and piss-taking from some posters on this thread, who are pouring scorn over people who are different to them.

It's people like them who cause people to be anti-social, because they are so fucking pushy, nosey, and irritating, and they want everyone to 'come round to their house,' and expect a invite back. In addition, they have this virtual 'love me love me LOVE me' banner hovering over them. It's a bit desperate and needy tbh.

As I said, no wonder people get anti-social with such pushy fuckers around, virtually demanding that they are sociable and friendly with them, and sneering at anyone who doesn't fit their idea of how a 'good neighbour' should behave. And calling them 'weird,' and 'rude,' and 'sociopaths' is just nasty! Who the hell do some people think they are? It's a wonder they have any friends at all! They probably don't and this is why they are so desperate to make new friends!

Most people have already stated that they say hello when they see neighbours, and will have a chat on the driveway, and will help in an emergency, but they don't wish to take the relationship any further. Anyone who doesn't think this is acceptable, can bore off.

Some of the pushy fuckers on here sound like proper 'nightmare neighbours.'

If people don't wish to socialise and be your 'friend' then deal with it, stop being so pushy, stop taking the piss (because people have the AUDACITY to not want to socialise with you,) and grow up. Not everyone is going to want to be your friend, and saying 'come round for a coffee' to someone as soon as they move in, comes across as desperate and needy.

In my experience, the ones in a neighbourhood who keep asking people round and trying to socialise, often have nothing else to do. Maybe get some hobbies and interests instead of pestering people when they have just moved in, to 'go have a coffee' with you!

Out of interest, how have you made friends with your current friends? (not ones you've known from school)

@WinterfellWench u ok? You might want to chill a bit.

No one in here is "pushing" others to visit their neighbours and be friends with them. What caused all that commotion was the fact that many people never even talk with their neighbours. Not answering to a hello is frankly rude. Then it turned to a community feel, which many moan is disappearing. Admittedly including myself, but at least I know basics about who my neigbours are.
I for one want to know that should I be battered at home by a burglar neigbours would call the police. And not just because of disruptive noise, but bevause something is happening to me.

Being friends and being friendly are 2 completely different things. You just say no to a coffee invite. Politely decline. Done.
It costs nothing to be nice. It is never a bad thing to know your neigbour's name is x and to know that they know you are there in case anything happens. That's the main point of community. Taking care of each other to certain extent.

I’d avoid any neighbour who invited me over for tea and chat without even meeting me first. I’m friendly with my neighbours, but popping over to each other houses is far more friendly than I have any wish to be with the neighbours I’ve known for years, let alone one I’ve never even said hello to.

I’d think you had very different expectations than me, and that it would be hard to maintain a comfortable distance without being rude. Avoiding you might be a bit rude too, but it’s much less likely to cause animosity than having to tell you to back off.

A neighbour used to come round every day. I hate it. Then she bought a horse and kept it at the same stables as me. I was delighted when she moved. Current neighbours, I've maybe had 2 big chats this year. I'm unsociable. I come home, close the door, dread the bell ringing.

Our immediate neighbours on both sides and opposite are great. We chat over the fence, sometimes carpool kids to school, kids are friends but we don't really socialize. Another neighbour not so much, when my son found their dog wandering in the middle of the road, he returned it only to have the neighbour accuse him of breaking in to their house to steal the dog. We ignore them now.

I say hello in the street but that's it, I don't want to be besties with the couple next door because I don't want my space invaded. In the past I have been treated quite rudely by neighbours who simply didn't understand that working full time shift work, looking after 2 kids and doing a degree part time while DH was commuting weekly ...meant I didn't have time to go to,fucking candle parties!

She is being kept hostage by her fundamentalist husband and forced to grow cannabis in the back rooms and attic so keep your nose out.....

Only in the UK can inviting someone for a cup of tea be considered pressuring and pushy....

Wow just wow...im overwhelmed by the sheer aggression in some people, it has actually scared me and is making me feel sick. Thank you to all the people who have actually taken the time read the post and given constructive comments. I have previously lived in an area where people were too in each others business and yes this was probably because they were at home most of the day. Im a very private person and moved to the current area as i knew it was quiet and everyone just went about their own life. I only exchanged pleasentries with the man and out of politeness i mentioned a cuppa with his partner, there was no set date and i had no intention of getting out my fine china. I dont particularly want to be BFFs with her just maybe a smile or just take your parcels when i knock on the door. Its coming up to Christmas and were getting all their parcels however when i try to return it she never opens the door. I personally dont like people knocking at my door after 7 as this is late for people with young children, so i try to give their parcels straight after i get back from work. So it is a little annoying that she waits for her husband to come knock on mine. My husband jokes that maybe she doesnt like 'my type' , meaning mixed race.

I'm antisocial and find chit chat like this uncomfortable. I try my best not to be rude but I'd hide too if I thought someone was constantly lurking to invite me for a cuppa

Exactly this. I dont do small talk, it makes me uncomfortable. Im an introvert and social crap exhausts me. I have zero need to be friends with the neighbors

OP, what about next time neighbour comes over to collect a parcel say, would it be ok if parcels are collected before 7 as the door bell/door knock disturbs the children.

Introvert here - all that means is I need to be alone to recharge my batteries. I'm quite capable of holding a conversation, and being friendly, I have friends etc. I just need down time after lots of social interaction, and I don't enjoy being talked at. That's all introvert really means (for me, anyway)
I live rurally and have a friendly relationship with my neighbours. We don't do cuppas, but every winter I offer to do shopping for my elderly neighbours (they always refuse as they have family, but I like to offer so they know they can ask if needed) when my dc was blue lighted in to hospital they came up to ask if all was OK, and similarly when I saw an ambulance outside their house I nipped down the next day to see if they needed anything. We exchange Christmas cards, always wave and say hi, could ask favours if needed, and have the odd chat, so even the introverts can cope with social interaction.