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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think i'm not a hypocrite to turn DD forward facing?

193 replies

ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:09

I am very vocal about using HBB as long as possible and that ERF is safest and best practise to age 4.

DS1 (9) is still in a HBB despite being over 135cm as he doesn't fit the main seat in my car safely yet (seat belt too high on him, knees dont bend properly over seat edge). He is the only one in his year still in a HBB.

DD is just 3 and currently ERF in a joie 360 spin. This is the only ERF we could afford (it's cheaper as its an all in one with the base, so isofix only, no option to use a seat belt).

Due to the car we have I cannot move the ERF seat further away from the seat back to give more space and as DD will not cross her legs her knees are up around her ears. She is now starting to shout/scream about how uncomfy she is.

So I plan to persevere through christmas as its a dangerous time to be on the roads and then turn her FF in Jan. She weighs 14kg (2st.4lb), wearing age 4 clothes so 'big' for her age.

I have been getting some grief from friends when i've mentioned this and they are calling me a hypocrite for turning her 'early' as i always 'go on' about how ERF is better.

AIBU to think that as DD is a large 3 year old, the size of a 4 year old and clearly very uncomfy in the seat now that turning her FF (in the same seat) is not hypocritical and I have done the best I can?

I just can't see how I can keep her ERF any longer as much as i want to, her knees are genuinely up by her chin Sad

OP posts:
Caprisunorange · 09/12/2018 09:12

I think you’ve probably gone on about it a bit too much, maybe made them feel I adequate, and they’re highlighting it now you’ve gone back on your word?

FWIW I think you’re massively overthinking the whole thing

JustBecauseYouAreUniqueDoesNot · 09/12/2018 09:13

Sounds like you don't have much choice. But perhaps you have come across as judgemental of others when they didn't have much choice either and that's what your friends mean?

YeOldeTrout · 09/12/2018 09:15

What JustBecause said.

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:16

i'm not judgemental at all, its just when i'm asked (as i have been plenty of times over the last couple of years) why DD is still rear facing i explain why and that research shows its safer. It's only ever mentioned in response to a direct question about why my DD is still rear facing.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/12/2018 09:16

If your friends are saying this to you then you have clearly gone on and on and on about it.

And no if her knees are behind her ears and she's crying if course you have to turn her round.

Having seen all the pictures on line of rear facing kids it looks bloody uncomfortable.

Turn her round and stop over thinking

Redken24 · 09/12/2018 09:19

😂 yip maybe you have just mentioned it a tad too much! If it was my child I'd probably have turned her round already without alerting my friends to it.

Caprisunorange · 09/12/2018 09:20

That doesn’t really makes sense though OP, because you’ve obviously told them the age to which you ideally want DD RF also, which she’s clearly still under. That’s quite a lot of detail? Tbh car seat enthusiasts are famous for going on and on with their helpful advice so that’s what I’m
Picturing....

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:21

there is a good chance they have heard the explanation more than once if they are there when someone else asks me.

I get the same raised eyebrows when DS is invited out and i provide a HBB when none of his friends use one.

Its not that i go on about it, it's just i'm happy to explain why if asked and not change my safety requirements if they are in another persons car or 'because all their friends dont use one'.

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 09/12/2018 09:21

I never notice how people put their kids into what kind of car seats. I think I had one conversation (once, 10 yrs ago, with a friend who turned her 6m old front facing b/c he was enormous & didn't fit in the RF any more). She was concerned but didn't know what else to do.

I have been getting some grief from friends when i've mentioned this and they are calling me a hypocrite for turning her 'early' as i always 'go on' about how ERF is better.... It's only ever mentioned in response to a direct question about why my DD is still rear facing.

Why are you mentioning the future, there's nothing for them to notice & ask you about today, is there? You must be volunteering extra info. Somehow this comes up a lot for you & your strong feelings have been apparent.

Dermymc · 09/12/2018 09:21

I think you've been hoisted by your own petard. Perhaps next time you won't go on about it so much.

MarthasGinYard · 09/12/2018 09:22

'I am very vocal about using HBB as long as possible and that ERF is safest and best practise to age 4.'

So of course you should practice what you Preech

Or maybe just give up the 'preaching'

At least you recognise that it's going to make you look a hypocrite 😩

MartyMcFly1984 · 09/12/2018 09:22

I turned my 2yr old FF because his head was higher then the back of the seat, and he was in 4yr old clothes. He was tall enough had he been in an i size seat.
But if you’re such a stickler for the rules, apparently kids legs bed easier, and they shouldn’t find it as uncomfortable as we would. Refusing to cross legs wouldn’t be an issue if I was that concerned about the rules.

Lizzie48 · 09/12/2018 09:23

I would agree that you probably have gone on about this issue. I've personally never talked about what car seat DH and I use with friends, or for that matter what car seat they use, or whether it's forward or rear facing.

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:23

i have always phrased it as 'i would ideally like to keep her EFR until she's 4'. it's never been said in a 'you are a crap parent if you dont ERF to 4' or anything like it.

I never bring it up, i just explain my choice when asked (i have 4 DC, so have been asked a lot over the years!)

OP posts:
helterskelter99 · 09/12/2018 09:25

I think maybe you now recognise that you have to do what is best for your child and sometimes you can’t always do what you would want to

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:25

One friend saw me put DD in her seat and commented on her legs. I said that i know and was thinking i would have to turn her after christmas. this friend has now told other people.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 09/12/2018 09:25

I've never been asked that question by friends or family, I honestly don't see how it comes up in conversation.

MaisyPops · 09/12/2018 09:26

It sounds to me like you've probably gone on a bit too much about car seat choices and are now not walking the walk.

The people I know who feel strongly about car seat choices tend to go on about it more than they probably realise (often sharing posts on social media as well about why their choice is better than anyone else's but they're 'just sharing for information').

YeOldeTrout · 09/12/2018 09:26

Oh well, it will all blow over in 4-6 weeks.

leeloo1 · 09/12/2018 09:27

Can you afford a different rf seat? I kept (well 1 still is) my kids rf til 5+ for safety and they were big and tall for their age, so agree with you. Ds was in a 2 way elise, in a tiny 3 door car, that was only about £200, if that's a possibility. We have a bigger car now and dd is 5.5 and only just growing out of her seat. Experiment with different ways she can put her legs - out to the sides, up the rear seat etc and explain its safer. Resort to bribery if need be.

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:27

helter i completely recognise that. as i said, i only bring itup when questioned, but when questioned i would give a full explanation.

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 09/12/2018 09:29

The issue isn't you turning your DD forward facing- she's uncomfortable so of course you need to. The issue is that you've obviously been lecturing others about ERF and it's annoyed them so they're making a point.

Original poster
ThumpityThumpThump · 09/12/2018 09:30

leeloo i can't afford to replace the seat Sad as this was bought to see her through to FF. Due to the car i have i cannot give her more leg room and still have a safe fit for the seat. she will not put her legs any other way except feet on the seat back which puts her knees up by her face.

OP posts:
Chardeemacdennis1 · 09/12/2018 09:30

Ds has been ff since he was like one.

I've never heard of people having toddlers rear facing.

You sound a bit obsessed tbh, have you been affected by a bad car accident or something. I know it's safer but you have to accept some risk when you put your child in a car and just drive safe and defensively.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 09/12/2018 09:31

I wonder if at that age the difference in safety is far overstated. And the difference in day to day comfort outweighs it.

We'd all be safer in cars if we wore helmets. And crossing roads for that matter. But we dont....