to think i'm not a hypocrite to turn DD forward facing?

[ThumpityThumpThump]

I am very vocal about using HBB as long as possible and that ERF is safest and best practise to age 4.

DS1 (9) is still in a HBB despite being over 135cm as he doesn't fit the main seat in my car safely yet (seat belt too high on him, knees dont bend properly over seat edge). He is the only one in his year still in a HBB.

DD is just 3 and currently ERF in a joie 360 spin. This is the only ERF we could afford (it's cheaper as its an all in one with the base, so isofix only, no option to use a seat belt).

Due to the car we have I cannot move the ERF seat further away from the seat back to give more space and as DD will not cross her legs her knees are up around her ears. She is now starting to shout/scream about how uncomfy she is.

So I plan to persevere through christmas as its a dangerous time to be on the roads and then turn her FF in Jan. She weighs 14kg (2st.4lb), wearing age 4 clothes so 'big' for her age.

I have been getting some grief from friends when i've mentioned this and they are calling me a hypocrite for turning her 'early' as i always 'go on' about how ERF is better.

AIBU to think that as DD is a large 3 year old, the size of a 4 year old and clearly very uncomfy in the seat now that turning her FF (in the same seat) is not hypocritical and I have done the best I can?

I just can't see how I can keep her ERF any longer as much as i want to, her knees are genuinely up by her chin

chardee yes there has been an accident in the family with far reaching consequences. which my friends know about. They know car seat safety is one of my 'things' - always checking seat belts, asking what car seats when friends come to play for the DC etc. but honestly, other than when directly asked i do not preach about my choices.

Why are all these people asking you about car seats? I can't see it, sounds like it is something you do go on and on about..

we all turn up to school at the same time, often park next to each other in the car park etc - its clear to see that DD is still rear facing. I am matter of fact when i speak about it if asked, not judgy of others, just matter of fact about why this is my choice.

Maybe its just another of those things that a different parenting choice automatically comes across as judgy - as if you agreed with their choice you'd be doing it their way!

maybe the one gal (who told the others) is a stirrer. Take note for future reference.

by 'all these people' this is 5 or 6 friends from the school run.

It seems quite obvious that you have gone on about it a bit too much. I think you just have to deal with the comments about being hypocritical now.

Just turn her around now FGS. She’s obviously uncomfortable. If you get rear ended her knees will probably knock her out.

If your friend is running off to tell everybody you must have been preaching or else they wouldn't care, they would just look at her like she's a preachy weirdo and be like annnddd...?

YANBU to turn her. Don’t make your child uncomfortable.

Now you understand why other people have more flexible views about ERF.

Having a different parenting choice doesn't come across as judgey unless the person talking about the different choice gives the impression that their way is superior to other ways.

It's understandable that your a bit paranoid then.

But even if your not outwardly judging others, being very vocal about your "safer" parenting choice will have made others feel that you're a bit on your high horse. So I can see why they might be a bit snide now that you've not followed through.

It will blow over though.

minipie i have never disputed that. but equally when asked why i'm rear facing when 'you know you can FF from 15months right?' what else can i say except - 'i believe this is safer until she's as close to 4 as i can manage'?

I get you but you have to'own' the fact that it's safer, until it's not. My 3yo ds still happily in the same seat, you've obviously skid it back from the seat a bit? He's a mini tho. You've done v well until 3 to be fair. Just smile at any comments and maybe next time, explain your decision a little less strongly ;)

Maybe you go on about it more then you realise. They are only calling you a hypocrite because you have a strong opinion that you have been vocal about.

Personally I’d keep her rear facing in her current seat - if she’s that uncomfortable she’ll find a better position for her legs. She’s at a classic age for finding stuff to be unhappy about. Keep telling her it’s for her own good and keep her rear facing. At 14kg she’s barely average for her age and would easily make it to aged 4 rear facing in that seat!

Here's a thought, can you do the school run via a diff mode of transport? Walk or cycle? Then no car seat questions, kids getting exercise, less pollution, one less car on the roads etc etc

I think you need to accept that, although you haven't meant to, you clearly have gone on about it and come across as judgemental. The fact that the one friend who you told about turning your DD forward facing after Christmas has then felt the need to mention it to the others suggests that your being "very vocal" about ERF is something they've all picked up on and discussed between them. I have two DC, all my friends have DC and it's just not a subject that ever comes up in conversation.

Can't believe your 9 year old (year 4 or 5?) is the only child in his class still in a HBB. My DC are short, DS is 6 and still in a 5 point seat (still too light for a HBB, no-one has commented) and DD1 is 11 and still in a HBB. She's the shortest girl in her year and is not yet 135 cm. She complains about having to use a booster in other people's cars but adults just say 'is she still too short?'

i believe this is safer until she's as close to 4 as i can manage'?

Nope. You didn't say that. If you said that they wouldn't care because that's exactly what you've done. You've gotten her as close to four as you can manage.

If you've been judgmental and self-righteous at least have the integrity to own up to it. The only thing worse than a hypocrite is a hypocrite who denies that they are a hypocrite.

bread sure - i'll walk 5 miles with 4 DC down a major A road

minister i think it's been discussed more as the rules all changed between our 1st and last children, so it's be spoken about more often in general as we had to do differently with our subsequent children (it was still FF at 9m when my first was a baby for example)

It sounds like it is the time to turn her, she is uncomfy and crying, it is not going to be pleasant for her if she has a long car journey. She sounds too big to be ERF now.

knitted jest obviously there is no guarantee i worded it identically each time.

ok, maybe i'll have to rephrase as - it was never my intention to be judgy but perhaps in trying to make it clear it was 'my choice' rather than a judgement on them i have managed to do the opposite!

I was that friend too, my daughter was RF long after everyone else. At 3 she is now FF with very long legs. No one has mentioned it.

Fwiw I've just said we got a rf seat because we're on the road a lot and it's that bit safer. Someone, who's 13mo is ff commented last week that I was great and I just said he's v comfortable, tilted back with legs up, what's not to love? All v light hearted. Same person's 3yo, just turned, is in a hbb... I know this v competent person and I can only assume she's done her research and is happy with her decision.

I think you've been hoisted by your own petard. Perhaps next time you won't go on about it so much.

This. Perhaps you don’t realise quite how much you go on about it or how preachy you might come across. Self awareness isn’t always as present as we like to think especially when it comes to child issues!