This dad at softplay

[Trapseverywhere]

Once a week I take my 2 year old DD1 to a toddler morning at a soft-play place. The children there are usually only age 1 and 2 and it is not busy. The play structure is not very big so I can see DD most of the time except when she walks through some tunnels or goes behind a wall. There is also some little rooms to the side with a pretend shop and a pretend garage etc. I sit nearby and look at my phone or read a paper while minding dd2 (baby). I glance over a lot so i know that DD1 is happy and if she is out of sight for too long I go over to check she is ok. Its nice to have some time to read or just drink coffee while DD1 is happy playing with other children. Most of the other parents sit at the tables too as the place is very quiet at that time of day.

There is this dad I often see there with his 2 year old DD. I chatted to him one day and he seemed nice enough but ever since is a little bit over friendly when I meet him, as if we have known each other for years. Like he comes right up to my DD2’s pram and lifts the blaket off when she is sleeping and smiles at her - which I guess is friendly but I wish he’d just stay away. I know some people have issues socially as my own DS has autism so i try to be a bit understanding of people who lack boundaries.

He follows his daughter onto the play structure - which is totally fine as a few of the parents do. His daughter seems well able to go by herself but I presume he just enjoys playing with her.

The thing I don’t like is that he encourages my DD to go with him and his DD. I don’t like when he disappears behind walls, into tunnels or into the little rooms alone with them. I know the chances of him being an abuser are very low but that is what is at the back of my mind. Of course my DD comes across other parents on the play structure but they seem to give her space and respect boundaries. When they disappear i walk over and find them and keep an eye.

Today I noticed my DD was with him and his DD and the three of them went to the slide. His DD went down first and ran off and the man waitied to go down with my DD. When they got to the bottom of the slide I went over and called my DD. The man smiled and said he was looking after her. I said, without a smile, my DD is fine and can manage by herself. I felt like I was being a bitch to someone who more likely than not is a nice man. My DD doesn’t need to be minded by him - she is always happy playing with other toddlers, waving over to me or popping back to me for a rest or to drink some water.

So AIBU to not like this and to be a bit cold to this man to give him the hint that I don’t want him hanging around with my DD - or should I accept that the chances of him being an abuser are very low and get over it. I know I could follow my DD around on the structure but it is not easy with DD2 to carry too and annoying when DD1 doesn’t need me to follow her or want me too.

He sounds like a dad playing with his kid and encouraging a friendship. 🤷‍♀️

Lets face it, if it was an over friendly woman encouraging your child to play you wouldnt think it was anything sinister for a second.

Maybe before you let your daughter run around etc..Check all the rules out first. You might find you wouldn't of done across this issue in the first place, as you should of been with her!

Come*

He follows his daughter onto the play structure - which is totally fine as a few of the parents do.
I’ve never known a parent of an under 3/4 year old NOT go around with a child. Do parents of 2 year olds actually just chuck them in and expect them to entertain themselves/not share experiences these days?

SAD.

I have to say though everytime DH took DD into soft play he got a whole lot of children following him (I do to a certain extent)
Presumably all the kids of parents who prefer to not bother going in with their kids

So all the parents at softplay shoud be on the play structure shadowing their children or standing at the edge constantly watching for an hour or two?

Err yep! That’s what all parents our way do. Not only to share play time with their children but also to make sure there are no injuries/accidents. Bizarre that anyone would send a 2 year old off alone tbh. Especially with risk of injury on the play equipment. Which is why all the signs say do not leave young children unaccompanied.

I have zero guilt about my child playing alone on the play structure in a very quiet soft play place on a toddler morning. When she comes over to me I let her have a break and a drink and then (strongly!) encourage her to go back and play by pointing out a toy that looks fun etc. At the moment I am with her all day every day - and although I love her and we have lots of fun together I would lose my mind if I didn’t get a bit of a break from her.

I also have no issues with parents playing with their children on the structure - I just don’t want someone encouraging my DD to follow him and going out of sight.

Bringbackthestripes..thank you! At least there are some responsible parents in the world 🙌

Well 95% of the parents at the soft play I go to must be neglectful as they are all relaxing at the tables and intervening only when they need to. The children all look happy and well cared for despite theur awful parents!

ExcitedforChristmas18 Same thing happens to me as your DH, I basically become the free childminder while every other parent gets a break - obviously I don’t need one

Agree with previous posters that this man is probably followed by children who are wanting an adult to interact with / play with them. He’s probably just friendly and willing to have your DD join in with his DD. But if you’re worried you could always go on with her and follow her around / play with her to be 100% sure there’s nothing untoward going on. I know you would like the break but perhaps you would feel less anxious if you were with her. You could maybe have your break at home later on

Forgot to say ExcitedforChristmas18 - a little tip for your DH to get rid of ‘followers’ is to say to them: “I think I heard your Mam/Dad calling for you” and off they trot.

I don't think he's done anything wrong per se, probably a bit over friendly, but I would try and avoid him, chat to some other mums, and if he tries to get your dd with his dd, alone, just say come on dd, we don't talk to strangers type thing.

Wearywithteens Fri 07-Dec-18 18:41:10
I would never have let my 5 year old DD out of my sight let alone age 2. I would avoid him and make it clear you are avoiding him - don’t worry about being polite. But stay with your DD - soft play isn’t an excuse for you to switch off your parental supervision - she is just a baby.

5 years old is utterly ridiculous.

OP I get your position. My youngest was absolutely fiercely independent and would flat out refuse to let me accompany her on the big kids' bit from around 18 months.

I wouldn't have thought it was anything other than a man trying to befriend someone he sees regularly who sits alone (by the sounds of it), and trying to get the kids to spark up a friendship too.
It's okay for you to not want that, though.

I agree, maybe she want's to be interacted with, and is wanting an adult to do that, maybe go around with her for a bit so she is not entirely on her own.

Those people who're saying they follow their children around the soft play area and shadow their every movement: what do you do if you have 2+ children who want to play in different parts of the area?

Imo the whole point of soft play is to let your children explore in a relatively safe place whilst you sit with a cup of tea and enjoy 15 minutes' peace.

Op, in answer to your question, I'd respond in a similar way to that suggested above about teaching your dd to avoid going off with strangers.

OP has mentioned that she also has DD2 who is a baby with her, so she can't really clamber around the soft play with DD1.

OP, I'd feel uneasy about this too. It's one thing when one child tags along with another child (& parent) at soft play, but this man is actively encouraging your DD to play with him. He may just be trying to facilitate a friendship between your DD and his own child, but in that case I would expect any parent, but especially a man, to make sure he played in full sight of the other child's parent and not to call her into secluded rooms and tunnels. At best, he is putting himself at risk of being misunderstood and accusations that could be devastating. At worst, he may have unsavoury intentions towards your DD. The vast majority of men in this country would understand this and not put themselves or your DD in such a vulnerable position. I would put a stop to this at once.

Maybe if you followed the rules of the soft play area, you wouldn't be on here writing whether you are being unreasonable or not, doubting a father's intentions who is doing exactly what he should be..playing with his little daughter! And not sat drinking coffee on his phone 🤔
You already said that she goes off in tunnels and places you can't see her!
Don't come for an innocent father playing with his child..Maybe next time you should try it, and play with yours 🤷‍♀️

She’s not alone as she finds other toddlers who are also alone and they start playing. The benefit for her going is to have fun with other children not playing with me as she is witg me doing things all day.

I still remember with great joy the first day my then 2 year old would go into our local soft play without me. Frigging bliss!

It’s soft play - it’s whole purpose is a safe, stimulating space for children to engage in independent and peer play. OP is going to a toddler only session, so no risk of bigger kids shoving, as long as her DD can physically scale the equipment why the hell shouldn’t she have a coffee and a sit down for 10 mins?

e may just be trying to facilitate a friendship between your DD and his own child, but in that case I would expect any parent, but especially a man, to make sure he played in full sight of the other child's parent and not to call her into secluded rooms and tunnels. At best, he is putting himself at risk of being misunderstood and accusations that could be devastating. At worst, he may have unsavoury intentions towards your DD.

I agree with this. Even as a woman I wouldn't encourage a child I don’t know to go out of sight as it might be percieved as a bit odd.

FourFuxx I have 4 DC - older ones 7+ go off and I’ll keep any eye of for them now and then whilst I go around with my 3 year old and 1 year old.

I don’t go to soft play because of my kids age gap. I can’t realistically mind both of them at the same time and having areas I can’t always see put me off. Ball pits and the upstairs areas etc.

I go to a play group that welcomes siblings. One room full of toys and no nooks and crannies. I wouldn’t go back for a while tbh, he might be perfectly fine but he also might not be and he effectively isn’t a stranger now because he’s got chatting to you, so your guard is slightly down.

Ive seen how toddlers/preschoolers can be with no adult supervision in softplay - hence why I don’t let mine out of my sight.

This is a small soft play and it is a quiet toddler morning with between 5 to 20 children aged from 1 to 2. I’m not letting my DD go off in a large softplay with big kids charging about. Its safe and quiet.

I took my DS to softplay today. He’ll be 2 next month. I spent 50% of the time playing with him, 50% sat watching him, having a brew etc. I guess it depends how big your local softplay centre is. Ours is pretty small. I am thinking this bloke probably is ok but I understand your worry. If he is there then perhaps go in and play with her.

This could’ve been my DH. He loves children and likes to include other children if they come up to him. I do see how it can look like something uncomfortable but it’s obviously not- his background is Greek and they have a very different culture with children.