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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think when everyone says “It gets easier” it’s a big fat lie?

138 replies

VikkiStMichael1 · 05/12/2018 12:39

So when I first had my baby, it’s of course wonderful- but I think we’d all agree it’s hard work, not to mention the sleepless nights. My older female relatives often say “it gets easier”

Then you hit the toddler years imo definitely not easier!

Then you have all the hurdles with school stuff, homework, friendships, possible behavioural issues etc

Then it’s the teenage years which of course is a completely different kettle of fish!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children very much, but I’m still waiting for it to “get easier!”

For me parenting doesn’t get easier, it just presents a different set of challenges for different stages in your child’s development- or is that just my experience? Does anyone agree with me or does it indeed get easier for some? I.e when they leave home?😂

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 05/12/2018 12:44

Well, I found that it did get easier, ages 5 - 13 or so were nothing like as gruelling as under 5, though we still had our moments. I have to say it's all got a bloody sight harder again in the mid-teens though.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 05/12/2018 12:45

Maybe you've forgotten how hard some of the stages are? Or had an easy baby? Having a new baby, a pre-schooler and two school age child I've got a pretty good spread and it does get physically easier as they get older, and you get better at being a parent.
Emotionally it can be trickier and my friends with teenagers say it gets harder again emotionally at that age, but you do get a lot more time to yourself. Depends on what you find hardest too.

LucyMorningStar · 05/12/2018 12:45

Idk, guess it depends on the child. I struggled for the first two years but now she's 7 it's a doss. She is very chilled, level-headed, self-sufficient and a great laugh too so it'd definitely MUCH easier than it once was.

Ohyesiam · 05/12/2018 12:45

To me pretty much everything is easier than the early years. I hated that my life was so Neanderthal, it revolves around poo management, nutrition, washing and dressing.
The worst was sleep managememtGrin
Most of the above my babies fought against too.
I found it limiting , dull and basic.

By the time they were 4/5 they could have really interesting conversations and were delightful
I’ve enjoyed it ever since, and are now teen and teen.

HumphreyCobblers · 05/12/2018 12:47

Not having to hurt my back putting children into car seats was the moment it got easier for me.

I find it emotionally challenging with older children, but the stress of having late talking, wilful and BOLTING toddlers was so bad I will always feel grateful I am not in that stage any longer.

Bestseller · 05/12/2018 12:48

Its still hard but it does get easier. You start sleeping and eventually get to a point where you can go out without arranging a babysitter and get dc to put the rubbish out/do their own laundry etc.

The "easiness" comes in small increments so we don't notice but it's definitely easier at 11 than at 6 weeks.

Notaballetmum · 05/12/2018 12:49

I thought nothing could be as bad as the early days but now we’re in the midst of pre teen attitudes and teenage dramas are on the horizon I’m not so sure. 6 months to 6 years were quite pleasant. We’ve been in a bit of a decline in some ways since then!

Blondie1993 · 05/12/2018 12:49

Baby years were fine with DS, he became a bit more difficult around 3 and 4 but not too bad. Since then he has been great, no bother at all so for me it definitely did get easier. He is almost 7 now and I would say this is my favourite age so far! I do worry that he will be a nightmare teenager though because I’ve had it too easy Grin.

Original poster
VikkiStMichael1 · 05/12/2018 12:51

Yes I agree it depends on the child, I have two who are completely different. One was an easy baby, the other cried all the time because of collic.

Then one would be really good in school and the other one not, etc.

Maybe it’s just me, I find it all difficult

OP posts:
GenericHamster · 05/12/2018 12:51

The initial hard stuff gets easier.

the challenges just change.

It's nice not having to worry about waking babies and wiping bottoms. But now I have an emotional 8 year old.

It is 'easier' in a lot of ways, mostly physically. But not completely.

StormyLovesOdd · 05/12/2018 12:52

I think it does get easier as you have much more time to yourself once your children start school and are old enough to dress and wash themselves. Though yes I can see new challenges looming as my child approaches her teenage years, she's definately not as smilley and easy going as she used to be.

Avrannakern · 05/12/2018 12:52

Easier in some ways, but different challenges arise. However, a change is as good as a rest! It's more more manageable, even if it's not easy.

itsnosoap · 05/12/2018 12:52

I agree with PP, it depends very much on the child and on your own experience. It sounds like you have more than one, meaning you are possibly dealing with different stages at the same time, which I imagine can be nightmarish sometimes!

Personally I found the first 5.5 months very, very hard and while I loved DD, I hated motherhood. After 5.5 months, I started to find it less stressful and then to actively enjoy it. DD is 1.5yrs now and while it is still hard work, it's nothing compared to those first few months, and I adore being her mum. It's definitely physically less demanding as she doesn't need to be carried everywhere.

I don't want another child though.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:53

I do find it gets easier. I really struggle with the baby phase but haven’t found toddlerdom and beyond all that bad so far (they’re only 5 and 3 so I realise it could all change!).
Honestly I don’t know if mine have been particularly ‘easy’ toddlers but we don’t really have any issues, and I enjoy their company.
I had horrific sleepers so for me it got a million times easier when they slept!

Shaboohshoobah1 · 05/12/2018 12:56

I hated the pre school years, but have loved it since. Now have 2 almost-teens and they are both a total joy. I’m sure it’ll all go wrong in a bit but so far, so good - don’t want to count my chickens!

Frenchfancy · 05/12/2018 12:57

Yabu.
Teenagers are sooo much easier than toddlers. I'm sat here drinking hot coffee while DD is off riding a horse (no school Wednesday pm here). You can't do that with a toddler.
And I go to the toilet all by myself
And no-one jumps on me at 6am on a Sunday morning.
I could go on.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 05/12/2018 12:57

Some aspects get easier, some harder.
I've never really had a general thought 'this is HARD' (of course, in relation to specific moments/days etc, yes) or 'this is all plain sailing'.

I find being conscious of the joys of each stage helps mitigate the hardness of the hard bits.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/12/2018 12:57

I find it hard too op. I suppose what changes as ds gets older is the gaps between the hard bits get longer, so I'm able to shore myself up to deal with the challenges. It certainly isn't as physically relentless as 18 months with a baby who rarely slept was, its more mentally challenging but things like school and going out with his friends mean I get longer stretches off than 15 minutes!

IveHitPeakTumeric · 05/12/2018 12:57

It definitely gets easier in the sense that you don’t have to change nappies, they can feed themselves, cleaning up after mealtimes doesn’t involve mopping the ceiling, you can leave them on their own in the bath, you don’t have to worry about them smashing your valuables or injuring themselves in the five seconds it takes you to do up your shoelace, they sleep through the night, can entertain themselves, etc...

The older they get, the more time and space you get back. But you never stop worrying about them. And they never stop giving you things to worry about.

BroomstickOfLove · 05/12/2018 12:59

Everything seemed a lot easier after my 7 year run of sleep deprivation came to an end.

juneau · 05/12/2018 12:59

My kids are 11 and 7. It is most definitely easier now than it was when they were little. So, for me, it has got a hell of a lot easier ... so far.

Dreamysleepynighty · 05/12/2018 13:09

I have to say I agree a bit but more to do with the baby part. I didn’t even have easy babies, 2 with reflux, wouldn’t sleep etc but I found it an absolute doddle in comparison to the toddler stage. I could walk around shops at my leisure with my baby in a sling, hours in coffee shops etc. In fact with my last and third dc we did house decoration to time it with before the baby got difficult and mobile as I find I can do absolutely nothing then. Nothing. For me 1-4 is so, so hard. Think it’s also due to the fact that mine got worse at sleeping....we tried everything and still are.
There was an interesting thread last week where the op spoke about how people assume babies sleep great after 6 months. I see it all the time on here “ it gets so much easier” etc .
I totally agree that it’s hardly helpful to scare someone but wish people could have been more honest as I kept waiting for it all to get easier when in reality the newborn bit was the easiest...
But I guess it’s all about each persons experience, I just really did like the assumption that it all gets easier for everyone, I often want to tell mum with just one newish baby to enjoy the fact that they don’t have to watch them constantly and can put them down and they won’t run off, climb everything!!!
It’s not rose-tinted for me re the baby stage as I have an 18 month old who wakes at least 2/3 times a night still......

Graphista · 05/12/2018 13:09

Different parents cope better with different stages. But largely I agree it doesn't necessarily get easier just different challenges.

I found the newborn and early teen stages easiest funnily enough. I hated "junior school" age where it was 100 questions an hour and her trying to be independent, falling and me having to sort the resulting mess. Early teens, more independent, moodiness hadn't yet kicked in, lots of fun.

I'm in late teen stage at moment and while she is a good kid certain things are annoying me, but reading on here the theory this makes it easier to let them go when they hit fleeing the nest stage that makes sense cos if it was as nice as early teen stage I'd be utterly heartbroken at the thought of her leaving home. As it is I love her heaps but I can see that her moving out is a natural progression cos she's driving us both nuts

Also while I'm in no rush (and neither is she) I'm also starting to look forward to grandparent stage. Lots of cuddles & spoiling - and hand them back when they're tired & fractious 😂

There's challenges at every stage, but they're different at every stage too. I've friends who really struggled with the newborn stage, or the toddler stage, but found primary age a breeze. Horses for courses and there are no perfect parents (or children)

But there's also really lovely and fun stages. It's not all bad.

Houseonahill · 05/12/2018 13:15

My DD is nearly 2 Nd it is definitely harder now than 12/18 months ago.

MarshaBradyo · 05/12/2018 13:18

I find it really hard work on my back - lots of carrying and waking to feed so I’m on the it gets easier camp

Agree on the car seat milestone - this is the biggie