To think when everyone says “It gets easier” it’s a big fat lie?

[VikkiStMichael1]

So when I first had my baby, it’s of course wonderful- but I think we’d all agree it’s hard work, not to mention the sleepless nights. My older female relatives often say “it gets easier”

Then you hit the toddler years imo definitely not easier!

Then you have all the hurdles with school stuff, homework, friendships, possible behavioural issues etc

Then it’s the teenage years which of course is a completely different kettle of fish!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children very much, but I’m still waiting for it to “get easier!”

For me parenting doesn’t get easier, it just presents a different set of challenges for different stages in your child’s development- or is that just my experience? Does anyone agree with me or does it indeed get easier for some? I.e when they leave home?😂

[Sipperskipper]

I’ve found for me it has got easier, but DD is only 18 months, so I’m very aware that full blown tantrums etc are likely just round the corner!

I found the newborn bit absolutely bloody awful. I had PND, and although she didn’t really cry, she never really slept either! I just found it all consuming and soul destroying at the same time.

Since then it’s just got better and better - she is so much fun, and I love our days together. Would definitely be more full on with more children though.

[EtVoilaBrexit]

It think it depends on tthe he parents too.
I found the baby and toddlers years extremely hardhelby PND and AND, two babies close together etc etc
Primary agre children were easier.
But now that they are teenagers, it’s feels sooo easy. They are responsible, independent, you can have great conversations with them and everything has stopped to be MY responsibility and only MINE (aka decisions, mistakes etc... are now also THEIR responsibility).
It doesn’t feel like work anymore.

[masterandmargarita]

Anything after wiping bottoms stage is easier surely

[Prefer]

Oh please say this isn’t so?! I’m afraid to read the comments incase everyone ageees with you OP! I’m finding the early years GRUELING and I’m just hanging in there on the premise that it has to get easier in a year or two. I find small babies intolerable most of the time. It’s just so physically demanding I can’t imagine a 5 year old being this hard to deal with?

[Graphista]

"It gets different" is spot on.

Now that my dd and her friends are all learning to drive, getting their own cars that's a whole other level of worry to when they're toddlers and possibly bolting into road! It shouldn't be cos toddlers bodies are more fragile but can't help how I feel. Every time I see on FB when dd out of a car accident or hear sirens my hearts in my mouth!

Unfortunately we (my siblings and I) are all in our 40's and my mum says she still worries about us! My health is poor, sis barely manages to adult especially financially despite being a mother herself, bro is a police officer in a major city, rides motorbikes and loves extreme sports/adventures.

Even at the point where we were apparently "easiest" or "happiest" as adults was scary for mum. Eg me married & pregnant - but had lots of health issues with the pregnancy and nearly died at childbirth. Bro was doing his firearms training around the same time, sis had unplanned pregnancy while unemployed and her partner wasn't the most reliable/grown up (they've since split).

"I love the ages they’re at now, even the teenager, who’s really good company despite the occasional lapse into grunts teen mode. They’re easier to manage and communicate with, there are no more tantrums or foot stamping, and they can be reasoned with so much better" sorry to say mid - late teens they seem to revert to this behaviour.

Even at the point where we were "easiest" as adults was scary for mum. Eg me married & pregnant - but had lots of health issues with the pregnancy and nearly died at childbirth. Bro was doing his firearms training around the same time, sis was struggling to conceive and her partner wasn't the most reliable/grown up (they've now split).

[ArtisanPopcorn]

DD is 4.5, so far it's gradually got easier, please don't tell me that will change,!

[VikkiStMichael1]

I hadn’t even thought about the worry of them driving 😐

[deluxetruffles]

I think it changes in terms of what is required of you. In the early years you are very much having to do everything. Feeding them, changing them, comforting them, dressing them, changing nappies, carrying them if they are not yet walking etc etc. You are up in the night with them if they are bad sleepers - it is physically exhausting.

Later on it changes and they can obviously feed themselves (although they will still ask you multiple times a day for food that you have to cook and prepare), dress themselves, wash themselves, sleep better, do lots of general things for themselves, but this is where you need to be very involved emotionally. Now they need your time much more, and for you to interact with them, and when you are tired from a long day at work yourself this can be hard (but obviously necessary).

My daughter often wants to discuss complex issues, sometimes she wants to discuss the dynamics of her friendships groups, sometimes she wants me to discuss my divorce from her father. These things can't be rushed and she deserves my time and attention, but it can be mentally exhausting, especially when you know you have 2 or 3 hours of work left to complete that evening (freelancers never stop...)

So I think that when people say it gets easier, I think they are referring to the sleepless nights and general hard graft that encompasses being a mother to small children.

[wildgirls]

Aaaargh!!! The only thing keeping me going at the moment is that it must get easier at some point!! My 6 year old is, on the whole, brilliant and but my 3 year old brings me to tears daily at the moment. I just cannot cope! I feel desperately guilty when they’re in bed about what a totally useless, horrid mummy I am losing it so often but then I also just feel totally panicked.. what if he is always going to be so difficult and I am just crap and damaging my kids with the way I (don’t) handle it. It HAS to get easier..

[IdaBWells]

I have three kids, the eldest was 5 when the youngest was born. Having a child aged 3 and under is always the hardest IMO as they need you so much and the sleep deprivation is a nightmare. For me it did get easier as they got older.

They are now 18, 15 and 12 and the 12 yr old is 5' 9" so I consider him a teen in terms of how much space he takes up and the amount of food he eats! So far we have had no behavioural problems or struggles with them in the teen years, or nothing remotely serious. Our eldest is driving and I am happy that she can be independent and drive her siblings around. My youngest and I have both had cancer this year so maybe that's why everything else seems to have gone so smoothly. If anything they have really focused on school to take their minds off the rest.

[ShesABelter]

My 14 year old is the hardest she's ever been. Parenting is hard work. I find from about 2 to 8 the easiest years.

[Singlenotsingle]

As you say, you are presented with different challenges at different stages. And the challenges never stop. My layabout Ds is still lodging under my roof at age 40!

[Singlenotsingle]

But at least I'm not sleep deprived!

[deluxetruffles]

IdaBWells really sorry to hear that - hope you are both getting better.

[Oblomov18]

Depends what you mean by 'easier'. I will have found some stages harder than others. And you won't have done so.

Some children are just easier than others.

[Lookingforadvice123]

I had an easy baby so once I got over the initial shock it wasn't all that hard. DS is now almost 3 and it's definitely harder now than it was this time last year when he was almost two, or this time two years ago when he was almost one. Mainly due to the attitude and sass. But he is also toilet trained now so no nappies, and is fully verbal so it's much easier to communicate (although I think that's got something to do with the sass!).

Expecting DC2 in February so stay tuned

[christmaschristmaschristmas]

I think it depends so much on the individual child.

Some teenagers are very easy and diligent, others are not and need far more input.

[wildgirls]

IdaBWells your reply puts things into perspective. Now that is tough! I’m sorry to moan about such trivial challenges when you’ve faced such a tough year. Wishing you all well x

[christmaschristmaschristmas]

And I think it is a good skill as a parent to be able to 'manage' worries when it comes to teenagers.

For instance, trusting them to be sensible and have a few drinks at a party, get a taxi home with their friends after dark, meet up with friends you haven't met etc.

And WRT driving. I made sure my DD had plenty of lessons before her test, I made her do her pass plus for extra experience and I bought her a safe car. Beyond that, I don't worry about her driving because I trust she is sensible.

[Birk]

For me I think it wasn’t that it got easier, it changed and evolved but it was me that became more equipped to deal with the unpredictability and loss of control of my life

[Justmuddlingalong]

Hang on in there. I does get easier. Mine are all in their 20s. And it's been easier for the last 5 yearsish.

[Cocobana]

I agree that each stage will present a different set of challenges but different people find different challenges harder or easier. For instance some sail through the baby phase and find the toddler years more trying and vice versa. It depends on the person and child involved I think.

[masterandmargarita]

It gets way easier as they get older but then I'm not a great worrier or disciplinarian.

[thereallifesaffy]

Yes

[Cheekysquirrel]

My daughter has a chronic condition and my son has asd.
I dont think it’ll ever get easier.