To think when everyone says “It gets easier” it’s a big fat lie?

[VikkiStMichael1]

So when I first had my baby, it’s of course wonderful- but I think we’d all agree it’s hard work, not to mention the sleepless nights. My older female relatives often say “it gets easier”

Then you hit the toddler years imo definitely not easier!

Then you have all the hurdles with school stuff, homework, friendships, possible behavioural issues etc

Then it’s the teenage years which of course is a completely different kettle of fish!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children very much, but I’m still waiting for it to “get easier!”

For me parenting doesn’t get easier, it just presents a different set of challenges for different stages in your child’s development- or is that just my experience? Does anyone agree with me or does it indeed get easier for some? I.e when they leave home?😂

[Fontofnoknowledge]

From 3 onwards ive found it all pretty much good fun. Even toddler hood was lovely but fairly hard work.
I think it really depends on what sort of parent you are. Much more than what sort of child you have. The parenting style tends to reflect the child.

If you tend to get overly anxious and sucked in to competitive parenting with all the "super-nursery, 11+ high achiever-best school-sporting excellence, -oxbridge candidate " bollocks - rather than enjoying and accepting your child for their unique qualities. Then you are destined for a pretty miserable time.
Encouraging independence at the earliest opportunity is my top tip for an easy life.
When they get to teenagers then the ability to say 'yes' unless there is real reason to say 'no' - also makes for a happier house.
(I love the teenage years they are the most fun and funny at that age !)
Mine are now 23,21,21,18,16,16 &14 so have had some experience. Yes it definitely gets easier!

[museumum]

I think you’ve blocked out the early years
Or maybe not everyone finds it so intense but for me I really found things much easier when my youngest hit age 3 then again at age 5.
I’m sure there could be really tough times ahead (my brother seriously lost his shit as a teen) but I don’t think it’ll be quite the same as keeping a baby alive 24/7.

[Ated]

Until they are about 5 or 6, glue them onto the toilet, feed them frequently and jet wash them regularly. From 6 until 11 play with them and show your friends. At 11, sell them into slavery and when they are 20, offer half the money to buy them back or swop them for a new or better mower.

[BroomstickOfLove]

Mine are 9 and 12, and it's so much easier looking g after the gem now than it was when they were babies and need constant care. DD is pretty independent, and can get her own food if she's hungry, sort out her own laundry, clean up her mess, explain why she's upset, tell me what she wants, and actively avoids coming in for a cuddle when I'm on the loo. I need a babysitter if I go out, but I can actually leave the house without a child. I can walk at a reasonable pave without having to stop every three metres to look at a shiny stone. We can sit quietly on the sofa reading, or watch the same TV programme together, or play a board game. I can have interesting conversations (although the ones with the 9 year old still involve to much Pokémon) and go out to the theatre or cinema or for a hot chocolate or a chat with them. I can send them out to buy bread and milk if we run out.

I'm sure that the teenage years will bring their own problems, but right now, I can have time to myself, I can go out unaccompanied by a child, I can sleep all night long, I can have sex without being interrupted, I can read a book,I can watch a whole film on TV, I don't have to clean up shit, I can turn my back on my children without chaos occurring l, they take responsibility for their own homework, housework etc - it is so, so much easier.

[A580Hojas]

On the whole I'd say it does get easier when your children are in the age range 5-10. If you have big age gaps you might never experience this!

Unless your preteens and teens are exceptionally easy and self assured, the teen years are incredibly tough and you look back on the days of nappy changing and toddler tantrums and uncomplicated little humans with a certain nostalgia.

[m0therofdragons]

Hard in different ways. A baby with colic or a toddler tantrum can be so hard and it's constant. Now, if I'm having a bad day, dd1 will make me a cup of tea and they can all manage to get their own drinks, find coats and shoes etc. Mine are 7 and 10. Fairly easy ages with occasional blips but still young enough for me to be in control and not have social media issues.

[WWlOOlWW]

I much prefer the teenage years. Both mine have been very easy teenagers (but I work with teenagers who have behavioural problems).

In my opinion 'terrible teens' USUALLY come from either parents who didn't have solid rules, consequences and structure from a very young age (which doesn't mean ruling with an iron fist) or parents who can't cope with their teenagers not agreeing with them.. and the change in dynamics that brings.

[MilkRunningOutAgain]

I found adjusting to life with a new born so hard first time around, second time was actually quite easy. Toddler years were OK, mine were clingy rather than bolters, but both ate and slept well. I did not enjoy early school years, neither of mine enjoyed school in reception / KS1 and got quite anxious. It was hard, I didn't know how to help. But KS2 was much easier as they both settled in & started to enjoy school. DS is now 16 and secondary has been great, he has so enjoyed all the sport, got a lot more confident, and is helpful around the house. DD is 12 and enjoying early years at secondary. So far no major grumps or problem teenage behaviour, they are fun to be with, though they do fight with each other. On the whole they are great, get on with school and homework without nagging, get themselves up and off to school on their own, are helpful with cooking & cleaning. Family holidays are getting difficult thPugh & might soon come to an end, as they want to do very different things, but this is a natural thing. So I think there are phases, I found early baby and reception and KS1 hardest.

[Moominfan]

Never heard it gets easier. Everyone told me it gets harder and their right

[SheisMammyof2]

I think it totally depends on the children. I found the first few years horrendous. Two close together, one traumatic premature birth, one undiagnosed silent refluxer who NEVER slept and severe PND. They're 11 and 9 now and I feel like I have my life back. Emotionally it is difficult at times and life is extremely busy, but there's no comparison, it's immeasurably easier. Of course that could all change once the teen years hit, but I feel better able for it now.

[AnotherPidgey]

I agree that it changes, but some phases are easier than others depending on the personalities and needs of the parent and child.

I had quite content babies that were fairly portable. Recovering from birth was hard, and they weren't in a rush to sleep through, but they were easy enough to stick in a pram/ car seat and take out.

The toddler years did not suit me. DS1 was the tamtrumer from hell. Started at 10 months and still going strong at 7 (I suspect some high functioning SN). The "terrible twos" coincided with late pregnancy/ SPD/ tough birth/ continuing SPD/ new born. I'm not sure what was "two about the terrible twos as it's been going for about 7 years... but the most arbitary point was around 2 years.
I'm impressed DS2 survived the toddler years. A sunny natured joy with very ambitious physical skills. He was the one on the second storey of the soft play centre... on the outside of the net to keep the children in

Now at 7 & 5, I enjoy the increased independence. I might still howl "Socks! Shoes! Teeth! Hair!" like a banshee most mornings, but at least we can make it out of the house long before 10:30 which was an achievement with a fragile tempered 2yo/ new baby.

As for the future, who knows? Finding things physically easier makes it easier to manage the emotional side. DS1 can do a good impression of a grumpy teenager. On the flip side he is an interesting, intelligent child with a delightful curiosity about the world.

I enjoy their developing personalities and love them as people as well as being my DCs. That goes a long way.

[masterandmargarita]

I didn't find late teen years hard. It's a myth that all teenagers are trouble and troubled

[Ansumpasty]

True. It doesn’t get easier. My eldest is almost 7 and much harder work now than he was as a baby.

[Alpacanorange]

All stages have their challenges. The late teen years are hard, living with untidy adults is not fun. This is how it should be to make coping when they leave possible.

[rainbowquack]

My kids are now 9,8,5&3 and it is getting so much easier. The baby years were so exhausting and such a blur, and the bigger kids help me with the little one. I even started studying again! DH and I are starting to watch a film together, silly things like that which we haven't done for years.

Am making the most of it before the teenage years hit...

[RebelWitchFace]

Depends on the child I guess. DD was a pain in the ass baby/toddler... didn't sleep,didn't eat, didn't talk.
From about 4 it got immeasurably easier.
She's nearly 7 now and I'm enjoying this stage a lot. I'm lucky she's a really good kid and needs minimum parenting. She can still be a pain in the ass sometimes,but aren't we all?

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I feel like no one said/says 'it gets easier' to me with my tiny baby - people say 'oh this bit is the easy bit you wait until they crawl/walk/talk'. Often these people then turn out to have had babies who slept through absurdly early, so I always think it's like a millionaire talking about how easy being unemployed is - of course it's easy if you take away the main difficulty!

[gamerwidow]

i really struggled when DD was a baby but since she was about 3 she’s been an absolute joy and i find her really easy. She’s 8 now and we have our little disagreements bit mostly she’s no bother at all. I suspect she’s going to be a terrible teen though because she’s a sulker like her dad and a ‘know-all’ like me

[Tatgalore]

Mrsterrypratchett I can totally relate to that.

Ds2 barely slept for two years, I almost feel I could take on the world with sleep.

[Tatgalore]

Sorry I did find it got easier. Much much easier.

I barely know my 10 year old is here most of the time.

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

Someone (an arsehole) told me when I first had DS13 that the first six months were the hardest. We breezed through and I felt a bit cocky and confident, thinking it was all going to be lovely. Then he became a toddler and everything went mad for a few years.

They're 13 and 7 now and I'd say these ages are my favourite; they have personality, independence and lots of gorgeous moments with very little stress. The under 5 stage was just a whirlwind of madness, questions and things being poked into holes like McDonalds chips in ears.

[Babdoc]

The first 25 years are the toughest, OP...
It’s all worth it though. I have thousands of wonderful memories of every stage of their childhood, and they’re now lovable intelligent adults who are great to spend time and chat with.

[MorrisZapp]

Of course things get easier. If they didn't then maternity leave would be twenty years.

[Redgreencoverplant]

DS is only two but I found things got so much easier at 1. However DS was a very difficult baby who cried all the time for a year and woke every 45 minutes through the night. At 1 he transformed into an incredibly well behaved and utterly lovely toddler and I am loving this stage.

[6freerangeeggs]

I have a 3yo and a 6yo. The 6yo is MILES easier than the 3yo who still bolts, wakes at 6am or earlier, need a constant supervision etc.. And even now it's a lot easier than a couple of years ago - they're both toilet trained, can tell me if they're hungry, ill etc. I still have to navigate tricky things with the 6yo but that's more talking and psychology which is a challenge I enjoy much more than being sleep deprived, continually intervening to stop a child running/climbing into danger etc..