To think when everyone says “It gets easier” it’s a big fat lie?

[VikkiStMichael1]

So when I first had my baby, it’s of course wonderful- but I think we’d all agree it’s hard work, not to mention the sleepless nights. My older female relatives often say “it gets easier”

Then you hit the toddler years imo definitely not easier!

Then you have all the hurdles with school stuff, homework, friendships, possible behavioural issues etc

Then it’s the teenage years which of course is a completely different kettle of fish!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children very much, but I’m still waiting for it to “get easier!”

For me parenting doesn’t get easier, it just presents a different set of challenges for different stages in your child’s development- or is that just my experience? Does anyone agree with me or does it indeed get easier for some? I.e when they leave home?😂

For me it's not really the actual parenting part that's difficult.

It's the constant drudgery of running a household of 4. We get in from work/school at 5: DH cooks and does all the kitchen-related stuff, I do homework/washing/baths/laundry/general tidying. We eat, I do the dishes, DH takes a child to some club or other, we sit down for about ten minutes at 7pm, then one of us goes out to collect the older kid while the other parent puts the younger kid to bed. Then the older kid gets home and wants a snack before bed. So it's maybe 8.30/8.45 before I get a minute's peace.

If there were only two of us, we'd get home, cook, do the dishes together, then chill out or go out somewhere. The constant tasks really weigh on me and get me down.

Tbh the 13 year old is a piece of cake - gets himself up, does his homework without badgering and has friends who provide much entertainment

A few small things but as long as I’m clear about when eg machine time finishes he mostly very easy

Yes it's a big fat lie. It doesn't get easier, you get better at dealing with it.

It's always hard work, but you don't always have the absolute exhaustion, PND, entire life has to revolve around the baby, can't even eat and drink what you want time of having a newborn. IME the 'older relatives' are right: I love the baby stage and would love to do it all over again, but it is most definitely the most difficult and draining (so far).

See, my DD is nearly 3 and I find this stage much easier than when she was a baby. Babies are mind-numbingly dull to look after, imo. At least now we can sort of have fun together.

The first few colicky months were grim. Been fine since then - my son was a happy baby, toddler, primary school and secondary school pupil! I've been lucky - I even love his friends (he's 18 in March).

Anecdotally (my dds 10 and 12 NT and generally "good" and pretty easy) but nothing so far has been as hard as the baby / toddler years its so constant and gruelling. You have a few lovely quite easy years at primary but now its getting tricky again - both in tears last night due to friendship stuff.

I have found parenting a child who is out of the toddler stage a lot easier than parenting that child when they were younger, and I have also found it easier parenting one post-toddler and one toddler than I did a baby and a toddler. So it has got easier than it was, from where I'm standing anyway. But I haven't yet had the joys of teenagers to contend with! It also wasn't linear. I found toddlers harder than post-newborn babies.

I think it depends on where your skills lie. When my twins were born I was ready for WW3 and was pleasantly surprised that - whilst it was hard work - I was able to cope better than I had expected. I also enjoyed not working and having time to devote to their development. Now they’re in school and I’m working full time I’m struggling mentally with everything: I feel guilty that I’m not teaching them as much as I did when I was their only carer; I hate school gate mum politics; am a nervous driver so struggle with being ‘mummy taxi’ etc. etc. I’m just no good at any of those things so I feel like I’m failing all the time.

The kids themselves are easier, they also get on well together and are helpful around the house but I crave the simplicity of a day structured around trips to the park, doing some baking or messy play .... and nap time!

I'm with you OP. I think the correct phrase should be "It gets different" lol.

Honestly, for me, baby stage was the absolute easiest. I had two that ate well, slept well, both slept through from about 3 months. It was a breeze.

Now they're adults yes physically it's easier. Mentally? Not so much! I've had to support them through break ups, career problems, general worries over this and that. Because they're adults I can't make it all better just with a hug! Although I do still provide those! So no I don't think it gets easier.

It's less physically as demanding as they get older so that aspect does get easier but it's replaced with a different set of problems and worries.

It's very easy to fix/mend a broken toy for a 3 year, much hard to mend a teenagers self esteem or broken heart. But my ds now doesn't wake me up every two hours and I get a lie in every weekend.

It's just different.

Someone said to me when I told them I was pregnant that I would never not worry again. Wasn't the positive response I was hoping for but it's true. I'll stop worrying about ds the day I die.

It definitely gets easier when you can get some decent sleep!

I really hope it does get easier! DS is 13 months and it's been bloody hard so far but I'm sure that things will get easier when I'm able to get some time to myself again as I'm seriously struggling with not being able to just relax and as im still off work I'm finding it all very lonely and isolating. I hope that future challenges will be much more manageable with more sleep! Fingers crossed anyway! What really pissed me off was people (DM especially!) who insisted that it definitely gets easier between 3 to 6 months!! That was really unhelpful!

I get that! I think for me the easiest time of all was when they were little babies, sleeping all the time, portable and staying where I left them when I put them down. Then they turned into midgets with a death wish and I was paranoid about them running into the road or something. Now they are 10 and 8 and I worry about Internet safety, peer pressure/bullying (and the road again, in the case of the older one being out and about the small distance to school). Then I'll worry about them being daredevils, and driving. I don't think I will truly relax until they reach their 30s, then I'll be all anxious about the grandchildren. Aaargh!

My youngest baby is now 21, and the physical demands have long gone but if anything I worry about them more now than I did when they were babies. Now it's grandchildren and son-in-laws, BFs, money, jobs, cars, will they ever leave home or will they ever clean their bathroom.........?!???!

I most definitely found it much easier once dc could toilet on their own, fetch their own snacks, dress themselves etc.

Have had the odd battle with school already (only in reception!) and with hcps (needs glasses and possibly corrective surgery but they wouldn't believe me despite me having the exact same condition and even an almost identical prescription, waiting 12 months for a referral to heart and chest for suspected, then confirmed asthma while poor ds is up half the night every night coughing up his lungs and getting hospitalised with chest infections)

But those battles are loads easier out of the baby stage fog and with the routine of school etc.

I've also found having a bit of headspace while ds is in school makes the whole thing mentally a lot less draining. It's still not easy per say, just a bit less relentless and with a bit more sleep (and the odd very interesting conversation thrown in, it turns out I have a lot of shared interests with young boys! because I am a nerd and love dinosaurs, power rangers and space )

Oh some ages are definitely easier!

When they were both at junior/infants, school run round the corner, pre-SATS pre-secondary school, still innocent but able to wash, dress and go to the loo by themselves... that was pretty straightforward!

I didn't much care for the infant/toddler stage and am having kittens about DS1 being at secondary now, hormones and grumps and having to walk home a long way by himself when he's not built for the real world ... I'm living on my nerves again!

It does depend. I didn't enjoy the first six weeks with either of mine at all - feeling ill after C/S, exhausted, on duty all the time. But I'd have taken that in a heartbeat in exchange for the misery of DS1 being bullied to the point of having to take him out of school for 3 years and not knowing how to help him at all.

Storm I love 'it gets different' and may have to nick it

Mine are teens now and it is a doddle and always enjoyable. I have two little (well not little, because they're both taller than me) comrades who are funny, intelligent and often more sensible than me! They get rid of bugs and even cook a lot of the time! But you guys have reminded me how tough the early years are.

It's got harder for us. He's much bigger but doesn't have the usual understanding and is far less easy going than when he was younger and still needs the physical care of a young child. Also the what will happen when he is an adult is more imminent.

I personally think it stays hard (the bits htat are hard) - but the rewards are so much greater. I have a toddler, and even a nappy change now is an opportunity to interact with her, have a little chat, she almost always makes me laugh at some point in the day - while I loved her as a baby, painfully, it's only now I really consistently enjoy her as much as I do. I'm kind of assuming that trajectory will continue (possibly naively!) while the burden of the day in day out personal care (making her wash, dress, sleep, brush her teeth, eat) will alleviate. Fingers crossed!

Even though both my DC can be quite anxious and need a lot of attention, I find it so much easier now (teen/preteen) than in the baby and toddler years. Just having to be on guard all the time for bolting, eating unsuitable things /stuffing them up their nose, pooing, weeing, falling over and screaming, running into roads - and all on not enough sleep. That sinking feeling when it's 9.30am, you've already been up for 4 hours and you have a whole day of trying to safeguard, feed and entertain a stroppy, accident-prone, fussy, whiny bolter ahead of you, when you just need to sleep... I'm still there for them, but at least they can entertain themselves for a while and have a reasonable conversation.

Dealing with the challenges now isn't easier in itself, but it's less relentless and exhausting.

I actually found the early baby bit slightly easier though as I could go for walks/to the shops with the buggy and the baby stayed put :)

Well my second ds was an absolute nightmare and I really struggle with mental health after he was born because he was such hard work, so now he is 5 and I don't have to carry him about every waking minute and he has stopped screaming at the top of his lungs st least 12 hours a day, yes it has got easier. I could never go through that again, which is upsetting because I would love a third child but I wouldn't want to live through that depression again.

It gets different, not necessarily easier. Having said that, I really need my sleep so yes it got easier the better they slept.