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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
aibutohavethisusername · 04/12/2018 20:13

How ridiculous! She is BVU.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 04/12/2018 20:14

I don’t know! I would think that stability is desirable but that’s not rich. I think I would emphasise that but to be honest, I think a lot of women with rich men are not necessarily very happy!

BlueJava · 04/12/2018 20:14

Is your friend Asian? (Serious question). It's far more important there than Europe to get a rich husband!

mistywintermorning · 04/12/2018 20:14

PC answer. OMG no, marry for love.

Non PC answer. It isn't a bad idea.

mistywintermorning · 04/12/2018 20:15

Oh stop talking shite there blue

MilkyCuppa · 04/12/2018 20:15

I would totally encourage my DD to marry someone rich! Life is so much easier and more enjoyable when you have money for a nice home, childcare, nights out, holidays, etc. Being poor sucks.

VladmirsPoutine · 04/12/2018 20:15

To be honest I don't blame her. The struggle is real.

Pixel99 · 04/12/2018 20:15

I am with you OP, I want my DD to be withsome who loves her and treats her well, regardless of their financial setup.

RiverTam · 04/12/2018 20:16

I wouldn’t encourage her to marry someone wealthy, but I would rather she didn’t marry a flake, either, even if she was really in love with him/her.

trilbydoll · 04/12/2018 20:16

It does make life easier if you happen to be rich but we're all 3 pay cheques away from homelessness (is that the saying?) so probably best not to make it the only criteria!

coolwalking · 04/12/2018 20:16

No I would encourage my DD to be rich herself. Reliance on other peoples money is just as bad as being poor.

Surely this is obvious

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 04/12/2018 20:16

She's ridiculous. I wouldn't want DD to marry someone who is financially irresponsible or someone lazy who doesn't want to contribute to the family but other than that I'd only be concerned about whether he was a decent man who made her happy.

thedevilinablackdress · 04/12/2018 20:16

If money is so important, why not encourage DDs to BE rich themselves?

EmeraldShamrock · 04/12/2018 20:16

No not purely for money. I would encourage her to go for a kind man but with a good work ethic. I want her to go to college and set herself up for a good job. If he loves the ground she walks out but has no job, addiction issues, MH issues etc I would try to dissuade her choice. That or lock her in her room.

Yura · 04/12/2018 20:17

It was the case for some relatives of mine. Daughter got dumped by her wealthy husband after 2 kids (she wasn’t young and
Retry enough anymore). Ex husband technically owns nothing (it all belongs to the grandmother), so she gets nothing from him. She lives at home with parents and her 2 small kids now.
Not saying all wealthy men are like that, but the ones tha5 are likely to be married for money definitely are more likely. It’s a risky strategy

Bunbunbunny · 04/12/2018 20:17

being rich doesn’t always make for a happy marriage. Should encourage your DD to be able to support themselves & be successful in their own right and if they choose to marry it’s for love and mutual respect.

IggityZiggityZoom · 04/12/2018 20:18

I think it depends on your idea of rich. Poverty or not having enough money brings a whole host of serious problems that no one would wish on their children. I'd encourage my daughter to marry a man who is financial stable and could provide enough for a family. It's all well and fine to say you'd never give up work but it's much harder if it's not a choice. There are plenty of perfectly wonderful men to choice from who can also provide.

WeaselsRising · 04/12/2018 20:18

No. I think you are right. Better to have someone who treats her well and makes her happy.

I used to tell my DD as she was growing up to marry for money Blush. I was quite unhappy when the DC were little and everything was a struggle as we never had any money. I should never have done so and I think it must have affected her. She has had 3 very long term relationships but runs away when they get too close.

I am not making the same mistake with DD2.

TheBigBangRocks · 04/12/2018 20:18

No, I'd rather they were self sufficient and didn't need a man to provide for them.

I know lots do though and it's a criteria for their own choice.

Kneesbendarmstrechedrarara · 04/12/2018 20:18

“The wealthier they are, the better their divorce lawyer will be”

By Katherine Ryan.

Lucylugs · 04/12/2018 20:18

It definitely a thing in some houses but I think if you marry someone you get on well with it's far more important. You could both work together to become rich if that's a priority.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/12/2018 20:19

I might jokingly, but never in earnest. This is a recipe for broken hearts and broken homes if wealth is valued above connection.

Obviously life is easier if you fall in love with a rich man but you can't really choose who you love (you can choose who you date of course and only ever date rich men but you're cutting down your options quite a bit I'd say!)

Surely it's more important to teach them to value ambition then hopefully they will make their own money, and also find value in someone who happens also to make a lot..?

MrsPatmore · 04/12/2018 20:19

If money is so important, why not encourage DDs to BE rich themselves?

^
This!

LaBelleSauvage · 04/12/2018 20:20

Strange woman. If she is so bothered about her daughters having money why doesn't she encourage them to work hard, go to a good university.. and pick a career they enjoy but which also has good prospects

theonlyKevin · 04/12/2018 20:20

Actively encouraging a gold digger/social climber way of life, no.

Raising her to reject anyone without ambition, any work ethic, from a lower social class, who will make her miserable, absolutely. I am sure some people are genuinely satisfied with a minimum wage income and the lifestyle that goes with it, but I want better for my daughters. I hope they will still only consider someone with at least the same level of income that they have.