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Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 04/12/2018 21:59

If she was too stupid to make a decent living herself than absolutely. The alternative isn’t particularly palatable. She ends up too poor to have children and subsequently doesn’t or says to herself ‘fuck it, I’ll just stick them instate schools and make other people pay for them’. Would give the same advice to my sons.

KennDodd · 04/12/2018 22:08

What is this nonsense? Where do they even meet these rich men, hanging out outside premiership training grounds?

I wouldn't be happy if my children married somebody poor because, well, why are they poor, why can't they support themselves? As for become rich yourself, well that's easy isn't it! I know a few rich women who work in the city. Have worked solidly for 20+ years, multi millionaires now, but have had no time for anything else, no husband, no kids. One for them has recently lost her job as her company is withdrawing from the UK (Brexit) in fairness, she could have gone abroad with her job but didn't want to and has enough money that she doesn't have to work.

mummysheepy · 04/12/2018 22:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the user.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/12/2018 22:16

It's hard

I would rather someone rich than someone struggling

But some of the people I know who I'd class as rich with 6 figure salaries are also the ones that work the hardest and their relationships have suffered. They are also the most stressed. I would also think if their husbands were so rich they didn't have t work and they stayed at home that this would make them vulnerable if they ever had issues in their marriage

Overall I'd advise them to marry someone with similar goals and level of education and salary as themselves as statistically these marriages are more likely to survive (not saying at all that if these things are not in place that they can't be happy). I'd also try and encourage them not to be too materialistic as I find people who want flash cars etc a bit shallow and I don't think buying or having things make people truly happy (saying that it's obviously much worse to struggle for money and live on the breadline and I wouldnt wish that either)

grumpy4squash · 04/12/2018 22:21

OK, so if we flip this, what would you advise your sons?
Presumably not to 'get rich' so they can marry a woman who wants to 'be rich'?

grumpy4squash · 04/12/2018 22:24

@Sashkin

Good post :) Couldn't agree more!

grumpy4squash · 04/12/2018 22:27

Also @Sashkin
We did more or less the same as you. Two (high-ish but not super high) careers, three children. It's possible to build a lot together. Actually far easier than one person doing all the outside work and one doing all the inside work.
Plus, if you're not super rich but get a bonus, it means a holiday or something else that's a good treat. [not rich enough for skiing]

Walkingdeadfangirl · 04/12/2018 22:29

OK, so if we flip this, what would you advise your sons?

Exactly the same sage advice, make your own money, mix with people of equal status (financially and career wise) so you are with someone who won't sponge off you. That way you are set for a happy and healthy life.

Seniorschoolmum · 04/12/2018 22:29

God, no. I encourage my dcs to maximise their own independence and to realise that marriage is not necessary for happiness.
That they must be happy in their own skins as soon as possible.
They should worry about a life partner after that.

OhTheRoses · 04/12/2018 22:30

If a girl goes to an elite uni and then onto a blue chip grad scheme, accountancy, law, banking, etc, she fulfils both her potential and has the opportunity to meet men with prospects.

AnnabelleLecter · 04/12/2018 22:48

I think it's nice to build up your wealth together. It might be idealistic but you can both say you have both contributed.
If anything happened to DH I'd want someone with similar financial assets definitely not really poor.
I'd want my DD or (DS) to marry for love and kindness first but also have a great life and like or not involves a certain amount of money. Poverty is never fun.

Jubarbrhubarb · 04/12/2018 22:54

Marry who you love, through sickness, health and wealth.
I met my DH when I was earning a good wage and he was a poor student. I supported him throughout his studies.
25 years later DH earns 5 times my salary and he contributes much more in monetary terms to our lifestyle than I do.
We're a team...share everything..what's his is mine and vice versa.
I would encourage my DD to do the same. If he treats you well and you love him then marry if you want to. Don't wait for the rich guy and let the good ones pass. Be happy, because if you are it will be more important than wealth.

SmileAndWavePal · 04/12/2018 22:57

Marry someone generous.

I've known a few horror stories of rich but mean people.

SmileAndWavePal · 04/12/2018 22:59

My advice is look at the prospective in laws quality of relationship.

Scardanelli · 04/12/2018 23:00

In short, yes.

BruegelTheEIder · 04/12/2018 23:03

I will tell my kids to marry someone kind and happy.

Jubarbrhubarb · 04/12/2018 23:06

Smileandwave
My parents hated each other and Dh father is treated like a doormat by his mum and is the most under the thumb man I have ever encountered. If I had met them too soon after we met, I may not have married him 😂

Love51 · 04/12/2018 23:06

I looked for a man who would make a good dad. I'm now 'lucky' he is competent with our children (according to other people, not him!)
My daughter was making plans for a high flying career and children (aged 7). She seems to have taken my idea further and said the man she marries can work as a childminder while he is at home with their kids.
I've not really thought about giving my children advice about this stuff, partly as it is a long way off, mainly because I can't imagine teens / 20s who listen to their mum about this stuff. It doesn't even seem desirable, let alone likely!

BITCAT · 04/12/2018 23:07

I think its irresponsible to encourage your children to marry for any reason other than love because its just not going to work.
I want my children to be happy so aslong as they are happy and the person she marries makes her happy thats what matters i couldnt care a less how much money they had or didnt have. Love is love..money does not come into it

user1497863568 · 04/12/2018 23:09

I wouldn't. Rich people can be horrible - especially when their partner is not of the same economic background.

cadburysflake · 04/12/2018 23:14

Well I wouldn't, marrying someone with money is a bonus, of course financial stability is great but I wouldn't be encouraging my daughter to actively try and find it from another person. I'd rather encourage both of my children to create their own financial stability through achieving a decent education and hardwork.

OhTheRoses · 04/12/2018 23:16

I think there's a saying that for a marriage to flourish: class, religion, politics, education need to be similar. The fewer similarities the bigger the chance of a split.

IsThereRoomAtTheInn · 04/12/2018 23:17

Jubarb , as long as you are all aware of the problems. I think it helps to know how you don't intend to behave!

OhTheRoses · 04/12/2018 23:17

It's class, religion, politics, race.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 04/12/2018 23:21

I'd be very worried if my dds were thinking of marketing a man who had no job or very little money because life will be hard.
But I'd much rather they were poor and she was treated just right than them be with a rich man but he was a twat and didn't treat them right. However I tell them to succeed so they have their own money.

But financial security is important there's no getting away from that.
Ideally I'd like them to meet partners that had a career of some (any) description and valued stability for the family.
But most definitely marry for love.