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Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 04/12/2018 20:44

I've seen too many posts on the Relationships board from women who've married someone filthy rich and are desperately unhappy, either because he's working constantly or because he's an abusive bastard and she's trapped because she gave up work at his suggestion.

Ideally I'd want any daughter of mine to be financially independent in her own right so she can support herself whatever happens. Failing that, skint and happy is preferable to rich and miserable.

BruegelTheEIder · 04/12/2018 20:45

No I would not but I have met a fair few women over the years who clearly value money over other things when looking for a relationship.

It's sad, but a consequence of modern life I suppose.

Purpleartichoke · 04/12/2018 20:45

I am encouraging my daughter to get a good education and a good job. I am raising her to know that she is responsible for her financial future.. My hope is that she is reasonably successful and finds and equally successful partner. I might even be upset if she partnered with someone who would be a financial burden.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/12/2018 20:46

I'd never encourage anyone to be financially dependent. Earn your own money and be with someone who has the same financial goals and priorities as you. Being financially unstable is very hard work and soon reduces happyness.

PerspicaciaTick · 04/12/2018 20:46

I have a friend with a DS and a DD. She was chatting away about her DS, praising all his achievements at school, when she suddenly announced that her DD was a bit dim and was probably going to fail at school. I was a bit Shock as I know her DD and have always found her to be bright and articulate. I said something about being sure that DD would find her niche and that she was sure to be successful as she is so good with people and very good at communicating. Her mum just shrugged and said it wasn't an issue as she would marry a man who would look after her.
So I'm guessing it is a thing for some people.

BruegelTheEIder · 04/12/2018 20:46

I wonder if these people would encourage their sons to marry rich women too? I mean, it's not like there aren't plenty of rich women around.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/12/2018 20:47

Someone successful yes it would be nice, stability is important but for example a rich footballer who cheated on her and was thick, hell no

Tjzmummabear · 04/12/2018 20:47

that seems materialistic...

GunpowderGelatine · 04/12/2018 20:48

I would encourage her to make her own fortune but I would actively discourage her to be with someone with no money or some who's financially irresponsible. I've been there. Every day is a misery. Not what I want for mine

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2018 20:49

I encouraged my daughter that if she wanted money, to earn it herself. Which is her plan.

But fuck me yes, she'd be better off with a rich partner to go with it than a poor one. Life is hard, and love goes out the window, when money goes out the door. Clearly love is important, but the reality is loving a poor unsuccessful person has its challenges, and money is a cushion. I'd never say that to her though.

As my granny used to say. You can love a rich man as easy as you can love a poor one.

Andro · 04/12/2018 20:49

I'll encourage my DD to marry for love, I'll also caution her that the inheritance she'll receive will make her a target for golddiggers...my ds will be given the same encouragement and advice.

PetiteMamaNoel · 04/12/2018 20:50

Is that not just some other form of prostitution?

InfiniteVariety · 04/12/2018 20:50

Once when a relative advised one of our teenage DDs to make sure she married a rich man she replied, "Why would I need to do that? I can make money myself."

10 years on, she is a computer scientist who runs her own tech company.

I think having similar attitudes to money matters in a relationship far more than having a lot of it.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 04/12/2018 20:53

My parents must have failed in that regard Grin

To be honest, I think part of life is starting out with nothing (or very little) and building a life together. When we got married, we didn't have a pot to piss in, and furnished our house from charity shops and donated bits from family. I would take DS in his pram to my nan's house once a week and she would give me £20 and the contents of her fridge.

Yes we were poor, but it gave us an appreciation of each other and finding joy in small things. Our circumstances gradually improved, and we are a solid unit. We also know that if the sky fell in tomorrow and we had to survive on very little money, we could do it.

I would worry that by marrying primarily for money, you may not have that bond through nor having those shared experiences, so if all the money went, what would be left?

Jaxhog · 04/12/2018 20:53

I wouldn’t encourage her to marry someone wealthy, but I would rather she didn’t marry a flake, either, even if she was really in love with him/her.

I agree.

I'd encourage my DD to think hard before she got into a relationship with anyone. Too many just drift into a relationship (and families!!!) with any old bod.

rubyslipper1 · 04/12/2018 20:53

sad but true, seen it happen plenty of times but usually money goes to money .
how does the saying go "better to cry in a porche than a bike" or some thing like that

Momo37 · 04/12/2018 20:53

Just no. I’d want my daughter to become successful in her own right.

Firstty · 04/12/2018 20:53

Hopefully my daughter will be attracted to someone who is intelligent, hard working, kind and emotionally supportive which usually equals a decent job also. Rich isn't important but self sufficient is!

However, if by the time my daughter is ready for boyfriends she pays the slightest bit of attention to who I want her to go out with then my plan to bring up a strong independent little madam will have gone horribly wrong.

BoswellsLastStand · 04/12/2018 20:53

Well financial security is always a good thing. Better and more secure to attain it yourself but most arguments are over money so it makes sense to aim for someone who is not on the breadline as a partner.

That said - you want comfortable affluence not super-wealth. You can be too rich. I know of someone in that bracket whose child was nearly kidnapped, with an uncovered plan to hold them and torture to extort money. When you get to the level of wealth of kidnap risk, targetting for ransom etc, that just isn't worth it.

Fink · 04/12/2018 20:54

I would encourage my daughter (or son), in order of importance to:

a) do what makes her fulfilled (happy in a meaningful sense rather than a fleeting happiness)

b) get a good education, a decent job, and be financially stable

c) choose a partner who makes her happy and supports her

d) choose a partner who is not a complete cocklodger.

It would be her decision, not mine. If, after all those things, she found someone who was also rich, I guess that would be an added bonus (although I'm not sure I could be doing with any attendant social pressure on me).

Cherries101 · 04/12/2018 20:54

This is where Indian parents differ because growing up my mum encouraged me to become rich AND marry rich lol.

TropicalGiraffe · 04/12/2018 20:55

I can imagine if she suffered greatly in her life e.g. poverty or going bankrupt then perhaps it has become a priority for her, or almost a fear that she doesn't want her own DD's to suffer.
I would encourage my DD to go for someone who makes them happy and also has qualities like ambitious and hardworking. IMO finding someone who wants similar things to you in life is important.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/12/2018 20:56

I'd rather my DD got a good career and made her own money.

FourFuxxakes · 04/12/2018 20:58

No. I'd encourage a daughter, or any female tbh, to get a career, or even just a fairly well-paid job that she enjoys, that pays enough for her to live comfortably and independently. I'd encourage any female to think very carefully before giving up that job/career to look after children and that if she were to do so to make sure she has fair access to money of her own, be that savings, income from rental properties or any benefits she's entitled to. I would encourage her to make sure she's never reliant upon another person, whether they're wealthy or not. If she's going to be in a relationship, it really ought to be based on love rather than necessity.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2018 20:58

I'm not sure the op asked if someone should marry for money, she asked if you would urge your daughter to find a rich husband, as said earlier, you can love a rich man as easy as you can love a poor one.

Clearly no one should marry for money, and clearly you should love the person, but rich blokes are lovable too 🤣