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Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
Huntawaymama · 04/12/2018 20:58

No I wouldn't, there are more important things. My grandma married a farmer and told me not to marry a farmer, I did. I will tell my girls not to marry farmers haha

user1471426142 · 04/12/2018 20:59

Compatability is more important and lots of my friends seem to have similar levels of ambition/education/values to their partners. However, I do have some friends who are a bit mismatched and would no doubt have had an easier life with a partner with a higher income- not even necessarily high.

Mixedbags · 04/12/2018 21:00

Ultimately, the relationship needs to ‘work’. Very lonely in an unhappy relationship rich or poor. But more palatable if rich!

FestiveNut · 04/12/2018 21:03

This is what you get for being friends with Mrs Bennett. See if you can wrangle a visit to Pemberley.

Lucyccfc · 04/12/2018 21:04

If I had a DD, I would encourage her to be financially independent and never rely on anyone but herself.

I encourage my DS to (when he is older) to marry someone financially independent and watch out for the gold diggers.

brizzledrizzle · 04/12/2018 21:05

Not a chance. My children have always been encouraged to do whatever makes them happy - there is more to life than work which pays a fortune but you are too busy to enjoy it. I've had a job in the past which paid a very high salary and a job which paid little more than minimum wage. I know when I was happiest and it wasn't with all the money.

CherryPavlova · 04/12/2018 21:07

I think one should marry with your head as well as your heart. It’s very easy to confuse lust and love. I would encourage my children to choose life partners who they shared core values with, who were their intellectual equals, who made them laugh and who respected their beliefs. My children are high achievers and quite driven personalities with strong work ethics. I think it’s unlikely they’d have been attracted to anyone who was unemployed, lazy or not wanting to share the nicer things in life. The girls want husbands who can provide for their families comfortably - so on a decent salary at least. My son would want to be in a position to provide for a family without his wife having to work, if that is what they wanted. His salary is ok but he’ll probably have to add to it through buy to let’s.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2018 21:08

But what is a "gold digger". Surely if they love each other, even if the woman becomes a stay at home mum, this is fine as long as they are both happy with it.

LegoAdventCalendar · 04/12/2018 21:09

I would encourage my daughter to marry someone with ambition and drive (unlike her father) but I encourage her to be the same.

This. My Dd is on track for a good career. I encourage her to maintain it, never give it up for someone, at all, and especially not a 'DP' to whom you are not married or to look after kids whilst the 'DP' swans off to continue as if nothing happened; to completely blow off tightwads, men with baggage, men who are the dreamer sort of 'self-employed' with no money/no drive/workshy.

I do the same for my son.

EtVoilaBrexit · 04/12/2018 21:09

I wouldn’t encourage them to marry someone rich (I have two boys and would expect that advice to be working the other way around too?? It suddenly doesn’t look that good does it?)

But I would say that AVOIDING to marry someone who has no financial stability is probably a good idea. Wether we are talking about women marrying a man or the other way around.

maddiemookins16mum · 04/12/2018 21:10

I rather encourage her to have a strong work ethic, get a good education and marry/be with someone the same. Money doesn’t always bring happiness (although obviously it can bring choice).

EtVoilaBrexit · 04/12/2018 21:10

And YY about maintaining a career as a woman and not making the mistake I did , which was to stop working for a few years when the dcs were little.

MadameJosephine · 04/12/2018 21:11

I wouldn’t ‘encourage’ my DD to marry at all to be honest. I’d far prefer she be self sufficient

wallyfeatures · 04/12/2018 21:11

I'd like my daughter to marry someone who has direction and is not feckless. I also want her to have direction and not be feckless. So I am hoping for a match between equals. Rich would be nice, but stable is best Smile

MaisyPops · 04/12/2018 21:12

I wouldn't advise them to marry someone rich for being rich.

I would advise them to marry someone who is stable in themselves, is able to support themselves, has something about them, a bit of drive etc.

I wouldn't advise pursuing a serious legal commitment with someone who is flaky, drifts in and our of low paid work, is liable to need support each time they find themselves out of work etc. Nobody wants their child to have to deal with a cocklodger/fannylodger.

bringbackthestripes · 04/12/2018 21:12

I pity your friends DD’s.
Fancy being brought up to only marry someone rich- what ever happened to being happy? What compromises do they make for the next must have item? Holiday? Handbag? Hotel? Home?

SAD

SantaClauseMightWork · 04/12/2018 21:13

10 years on, she is a computer scientist who runs her own tech company.
Ooohhhh!! THAT’S some badass daughter you got there. You win this thread. Star

NameChanger22 · 04/12/2018 21:13

I will encourage DD to marry someone rich, divorce them as soon as possible and have an easy life.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 04/12/2018 21:15

I want my dds to marry someone they love who is as ambitious, clever, talented and hardworking as they are. Those key values matter much more than money and will probably earn money in time along with the satisfaction that comes with successfully making your own living.

NailsNeedDoing · 04/12/2018 21:15

I'd encourage both my sons and daughters to aim for a relationship where they both contribute equally to the finances, and would encourage them both to stay away from relationships where their partner has a significantly lower level of education and earning potential.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/12/2018 21:17

I worked hard to make my own money. I fell for DH because he was pretty and fun, even though he was a bit of a waster; I had no expectations of him ever being very successful. My friend turned him down because she thought he'd never amount to anything. I was quite comfortable with the idea of us never being rich.

When we had our first child, he had a bit of an epiphany, focussed on his career and has ended up making a fuckload of money. I was more surprised than anyone, to be honest. So you never can tell.

I tell my girls to choose someone kind, who isn't lazy. I also tell them to choose someone with a nice Dad, who obviously knows how to be a nice dad. DD is 23 and has had quite a few relationships. Shockingly, she has yet to go out with a lad who had a dad around when when he was growing up and is still around now. So many of them seem to think that dads are quite temporary. I'd like my girls to be with someone who realises that relationships can be a bit up and down and knows how to be a committed family man.

DS1 is doing quite well in his career. I think he'd see straight through any gold diggers. He has said he wants a wife with a similar level of education and career. He wants a partner.

thecatsthecats · 04/12/2018 21:17

If your son we're rich, would you encourage him to marry a dolly bird who wasn't interested in earning her own wage?

MotherOfDragonite · 04/12/2018 21:20

I would encourage my DD or DS to marry somebody who is competent, hard-working and able to make their way in the world.

I would prefer if they married somebody skilled and low-earning but reliable than somebody who inherited a lot of money and was feckless.

But obviously it would be great if they married somebody who was competent, reliable, a lovely person, and whose hard work had led to a good income...

Djnoun · 04/12/2018 21:20

Yes, I would.

Storm4star · 04/12/2018 21:21

There was a thread on here just a week or two ago. Woman married a wealthy man but he was as tight as a ducks arse and she wanted her godmother to do childcare for her when she returned to work as he wouldn’t contribute to childcare costs and she couldn’t afford it on her wages. However she wouldn’t leave this man because she didn’t want to give up the “lifestyle”. I would be devastated if my DD was in a situation like that. All I want for my DD is happiness.