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Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 04/12/2018 21:22

I don't agree with the "marry someone rich" idea. I was raised to work hard and be successful in my career as that gives me freedom and independence. No-one tells me what to do or what to (not) buy and I love it. I couldn't look myself in the face if I married someone for money and lived off their income. That would be giving away my freedom and that is far too precious.

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?
Oliversmumsarmy · 04/12/2018 21:23

Marry for money and you will earn every penny

AlexaShutUp · 04/12/2018 21:24

I will encourage my dd to earn enough to be self-sufficient. If she chooses to marry, I hope that she will be free to choose the right person without reference to their earning potential.

GreenMeerkat · 04/12/2018 21:25

I don't think saying 'marry someone rich' is a sensible way of putting it but I would encourage my daughters AND my son to marry someone ambitious. That doesn't always link to wealth of course but I think that's an important trait to look for!

Strokethefurrywall · 04/12/2018 21:26

My parents encouraged me to make my own money and marry for love.

So I did both. So did he.

lunchboxloony · 04/12/2018 21:27

"Never marry for money, but marry where money is...!" Isn't that the saying (from many years ago)?

Seriously - I think every possible partner should be looked at on their own merits. There are lots of things to consider - not least being does she love and fancy them? (If so - it's going to happen anyway, unless she is a really hard person). If the partner is lazy or mean or a bully or selfish etc etc etc - that is far worse than being hardworking but low paid.

So yes - your friend is awful and she should be encouraging her DD to work hard and make her own financial security, just to be on the safe side!

skybluee · 04/12/2018 21:29

I never ever thought I'd say this and I went through the majority of my adult life not caring about money until ill health hit and I ended up being faced with decisions like food vs lightbulb and being hit hard in the face with the reality that severe lack of money takes choices, happiness in some cases and can take dignity. Life is no fun if you sit in unable to do anything and are fearful of leaving the house because you want to spend less than a pound. So, no, I wouldn't encourage my daughter to marry for money, it would be her choice, but I'd hope that in life she would be in a situation where they as a unit were comfortable and their choices weren't limited. I know money doesn't make people happy, God knows there are enough unhappy lottery winners but severe poverty is miserable and can hit you in ways you least expect.

babysharkah · 04/12/2018 21:30

I want my daughters to own their own money and be rich that way.

pallisers · 04/12/2018 21:32

Did someone actually say "dolly bird" :)

I encourage my son and daughters to work and study as hard as they can so they can have as many choices as possible and, I hope, be comfortable. Being poor isn't much fun. I have been poor but only on the way to being well -off. I always knew things would get better and our low earnings were just a stage on the way which is utterly different to being stuck in poverty. It still wasn't easy to manage so I have a lot of sympathy for anyone stuck in it without much hope.

I would hope that my children will pick partners who are decent, kind, in love with them and also able to contribute to a joint life together.

Babdoc · 04/12/2018 21:36

I find it depressing that in 2018, after a century of the women’s rights movement, people are still advising girls to “marry for money”.
I brought my DDs up as feminists. They are both now graduates with good salaries who own their own homes, not dependent on men for anything except love and companionship. I wish all women were in that happy position instead of suffering the whims of a financially controlling husband.

explodingkitten · 04/12/2018 21:38

Although you should marry for happiness and love, being poor can be so draining! I was dirt poor for years, now that I have a husband that's financially comfortable life is so much easier. No worrying about bills, buying new glasses when you need them (instead of not seeing well through old ones), being able to put the heating up in winter, having the opportunity to afford petrol to see a dieing family member to say goodbye, buying new shoes before I wear a hole in them, buying a washing machine instead of washing everything by hand, buying paracetamol when you're in pain et cetera. Having some money is so much easier.

Having said that, it doesn't mean you need to become rich, you can achieve the same level on a normal wage, especially if you both work.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 04/12/2018 21:39

I'd rather my DD got a good career and made her own money.
That is much easier to do if you mix with people of equal intelligence, who also have the desire and ability to make their own money.

AnotherEmma · 04/12/2018 21:40

We have so much more to teach our children (male and female) than just "marry for money".

We have to teach them to budget, manage money, live within their means, value paid work and other contributions to family life (unpaid childcare, housework, etc), share finances fairly, consider the importance of financial independence and/or legal protection in the form of marriage, wills, insurance etc.

We have to teach them to love themselves and others, to understand the importance of respect and communication in relationships, the difference between healthy and abusive relationships, including red flags to look out for, and we have to teach them that it's better to be single than in the wrong relationship, it's better to be separated or divorced than in an unhealthy relationship.

I will encourage my children to marry for love but to marry someone who shares their values, which hopefully means someone who is "good" with money, not miserly or a gambling addict.

Hideandgo · 04/12/2018 21:41

Jesus H Christ! No! My girls won’t need to marry rich men or women. If you’ve failed to prepare your daughter to support herself then you’ve failed your daughter.

CandyCreeper · 04/12/2018 21:43

yes definitely.

msnowtybach · 04/12/2018 21:43

I will encourage my children to marry their equals.

newmumwithquestions · 04/12/2018 21:43

Absolutely not.

If I think about the people I know who make the best partners they’re not the richest people I know.

Poor? No problem.

No work ethic? I’d struggle.

insideoutsider · 04/12/2018 21:45

I would encourage my DD to work hard, earn her own money AND marry someone financially comfortable. She's bright and ambitious - why end up with someone who isn't?

Besides, marriage wasn't meant to be about 'love' that lasts 5 years like we have nowadays. It was about forming alliances and building 'empires' so now that we're in the 2000s, she can fall in love with a kind, loving and generous rich guy and build a good life together.

I've raised her to be kind so I really hope she learns to friend-zone the non-achieving boys on the spot.

AnotherEmma · 04/12/2018 21:49

"I've raised her to be kind so I really hope she learns to friend-zone the non-achieving boys on the spot."

WTAF Confused

Sure, judging someone "on the spot" as a non-achiever and dismissing their potential worth as a romantic partner is a really kind thing to do Hmm

What if she wants to have a high flying career and needs a partner who will happily follow her around the world, doing "low achieving" jobs or being a SAHP to their children? What if that's what makes them both really happy?

OhTheRoses · 04/12/2018 21:52

I made my own money in my 20s and married a pauper for love. He was at the very start of his career. The rest is history. Even if his career had failed, we'd still be happy and have my moderate money and property to fall back on

DexyMidnight · 04/12/2018 21:52

If i had a son i'd be wealth planning so that no one could take advantage of him in this way. Same with a daughter fyi.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/12/2018 21:54

DHs ex is a bit like this with their DD but it’s learned behaviour fro her own DM. The ex is married to a very successful man now don’t you know. Poor DH Grin

I’m more inclined to tell all of my DC that if they want things in life they must study hard to get a good job etc.. as get it for themselves.

Sashkin · 04/12/2018 21:55

I earn fairly well, and married an equal. I’d expect children of either gender to do the same: work hard and get a good job doing something that pays enough to be comfortable and that they enjoy (or at least don’t mind doing for 30yrs). Marry somebody they love, who is kind, and who has something about them (a bit of drive, intelligence and work ethic).

I would actually prefer them to avoid filthy rich entrepreneurs or landed gentry - I can’t imagine their lives would be very happy due to the disparity in upbringing. And I wouldn’t want them to be in a position where they were expected to give up their careers, because it would put them at too much risk in case of a split. And I think a rich spouse would expect them to stop work, more often than not. I can’t imagine Mrs Richard Branson or Mr Deborah Meaden have independent careers.

But neither would I want them working two jobs to pay the rent while their spouse (of either gender) sits about with their feet up and takes advantage.

If they marry somebody who works as a nurse or academic, who is driven and hardworking but not hugely well paid, I’d be fine with that. It’s laziness and “you’re my meal ticket” attitude that I’d want them to steer clear of.

headstone · 04/12/2018 21:57

I would want my dd to marry someone with at least the potential to provide her with a comfortable life even if she could do it by herself. Divorce as a higher earning women is not good.

insideoutsider · 04/12/2018 21:58

@AnotherEmma You are entitled to your own opinion and you are free to raise your own daughter as you choose. In my own opinion, friend zoning someone IS the kind thing to do. Do you fall for every guy who is attracted to you? That is why we have a choice. Every other living being in the animal kingdom chooses their partner by certain criteria. I'm sure humans are allowed to do the same.

SAHP? Not for me. Sorry but heaven forbid her wanting a partner who wants to 'follow her around'. None of the women (married till death) in the last 4 generations of my family (never mind the men) have ever 'followed' anyone around except me - I followed a poor man and I'm happy to live to tell the tale. I'll be sharing that with my daughter so she doesn't make the same mistake.