Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are colleagues overreacting or what?

340 replies

halfwitpicker · 04/12/2018 19:19

In the staffroom at lunch today. I was stood waiting for the microwave and one of the guys said:

'You have a hole in your dress'
'Oh really? Where?' I said.
'Here' and he touched the skin where the 'hole' was.

Now this dress doesn't really have a hole. It has a zip, then a gap, then a button.

I was like, what? And one of the women in the office said, 'it's supposed to be like that, that's the way the dress is made' .

I had a serious Hmm Wtaf look on my face.

Upshot is I left the lunch room and my (female) colleagues all said that words need to be had with him regarding inappropriate touching.

What's the MN jury on this one? He does have form for being odd, not sure that's relevant.

My reaction was instinct though - I was very much Wtaf are you doing touching my back!

OP posts:
ragged · 04/12/2018 19:21

Time to confront it was when he did it.

Some people are harmless but struggle with knowing right boundaries. You'll have to decide if he's harmless or a creep.

Lazypuppy · 04/12/2018 19:23

I'd have just thought he was showing you where he thought there was a hole

empmalswa · 04/12/2018 19:24

I don't get it?

Hengine · 04/12/2018 19:28

Where was the hole?

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 04/12/2018 19:30

There wasn't a hole - it was how the dress was designed. Zip up the back, three inch gap, button at the top of the back of the neck.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 04/12/2018 19:31

But he thought it was a hole? All he has done is touch the back of your neck.

I couldn’t get upset about this.

ragged · 04/12/2018 19:32

You're unhappy coz he touched your neck?
Do you think he's a perv, OP? Do other people think he's a creep?

Leeds2 · 04/12/2018 19:32

That wouldn't actually bother me, if I'm honest.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 04/12/2018 19:33

I’d be a bit creeped out if someone did that to me at work.

empmalswa · 04/12/2018 19:34

You are annoyed because a colleague who thought you had a hole in your dress, pointed out the hole?

madmum5811 · 04/12/2018 19:34

Umm.. think this kind of reaction can be harmful to the #metoo movement. Just saying.

Nicknacky · 04/12/2018 19:34

cool Why? She asked where it was and he should her by putting his finger on it. What’s he supposed to describe it’s location?

MilkyCuppa · 04/12/2018 19:35

You said “Where?” He pointed and said “There”. I don’t see the problem?

ifoundthebread · 04/12/2018 19:36

You asked him where the hole was, what did you expect him to do?

Shirleyphallus · 04/12/2018 19:36

Those dresses look really stupid, I’ve told a girl waiting for the train before that she hadn’t zipped her dress up until she said it was meant to look like that

I hate people who I don’t know touching me though

Anythingforacatslife · 04/12/2018 19:36

If someone asked me the same question you asked him I would have pointed to it too, what did you expect him to do? And would you have minded if it was a female colleague that had touched your neck/back?

StealthPolarBear · 04/12/2018 19:37

While it wouldn't bother me really, I don't think he genuinely thought you had a hole in your dress. From the way you describe it it's blindingly obvious it's not a rip

LoveB · 04/12/2018 19:37

I really wouldn't be bothered by this, unless he's otherwise a freak. If he's a normal bloke then YABU

MissMooMoo · 04/12/2018 19:39

It sounds like it didn't bother you at the time,does it now?
If your colleague hadn't mentioned it would you have felt it was inappropriate?

Personally it would not bother me.

nokidshere · 04/12/2018 19:40

Totally overreacting.

IncenseStick · 04/12/2018 19:41

Let it go but be on the alert for any further incidents.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/12/2018 19:42

I would think he's pushing the boundaries. What he did sounds very innocent. But really, how many women would be comfortable with a colleague doing it to them? How many people would do it to a male colleague?

I would just be very aware of him trying to push things in future.

Spam88 · 04/12/2018 19:44

I'd probably let it go but I totally understand OP, I don't like being touched, there's never yet been a reason for me to touch and of my colleagues or for them to touch me. I'm sure he could have described where the 'hole' was without poking you.

ajandjjmum · 04/12/2018 19:44

Glad it didn't bother you, but sounds like he is the sort of creep who might have used the 'hole' as an excuse to touch.

A sharp word at the time might have been sensible, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it - just bear in mind that he's a bit odd.

EdisonLightBulb · 04/12/2018 19:49

You asked him where the hole was, he showed you. I couldn't get wound up about it either.