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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are colleagues overreacting or what?

340 replies

halfwitpicker · 04/12/2018 19:19

In the staffroom at lunch today. I was stood waiting for the microwave and one of the guys said:

'You have a hole in your dress'
'Oh really? Where?' I said.
'Here' and he touched the skin where the 'hole' was.

Now this dress doesn't really have a hole. It has a zip, then a gap, then a button.

I was like, what? And one of the women in the office said, 'it's supposed to be like that, that's the way the dress is made' .

I had a serious Hmm Wtaf look on my face.

Upshot is I left the lunch room and my (female) colleagues all said that words need to be had with him regarding inappropriate touching.

What's the MN jury on this one? He does have form for being odd, not sure that's relevant.

My reaction was instinct though - I was very much Wtaf are you doing touching my back!

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 07/12/2018 07:04

So we have established it is different if a man touches a woman than if a woman touches a woman in these exact circumstances BUT what if the woman doing the touching is a lesbian? Does that change anything because the lesbian woman has the same sexual preferences as this man if he is straight.

It is not OK for anyone to touch anyone else in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. This is not a difficult rule to understand for most NT people. Just respect people’s personal space and don’t be a dick whether you are male or female.

aconcertpianist · 07/12/2018 08:33

There is no doubt in my mind that this is a sexual assault-clearly not as serious as the ones that some pp's have endured but one nonetheless. 'Stroking' bare skin against the OP's will is really creepy.

The co-worker witnessed this so I don't think it is an over reaction that flashbacks kept her awake at night. For all we know, she may have seen him do something similar before and not said anything, so guilt could be a part of her post trauma stress.

I hope HR deals with this and in my view-counselling for the OP and the witness could at least be offered. That would at least send the message that this is something they won't overlook.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2018 08:43

There is no doubt in my mind that this is a sexual assault

Well there is no doubt in my mind it's not, seriously you think it's sexual assault and she has to go for counselling?

Because she said where is the hole and he jabbed his finger though and said there?

aconcertpianist · 07/12/2018 08:55

He didn't 'jab' his finger, he 'stroked' which is rather different and there is nothing wrong with work sending a strong message that they take this seriously.

CaliHummers · 07/12/2018 10:35

I hope HR deals with this and in my view-counselling for the OP and the witness could at least be offered. That would at least send the message that this is something they won't overlook

If I needed counselling for that, therapy would be a booming industry and I'd spend more time in therapy than I spent actually living day to day. He touched the OP inappropriately and it made her feel uncomfortable, before any colleagues had stepped in and said anything. HR need to get the full picture and deal with it. Unless there is an enormous missing back story nobody needs to be sacked, no-one needs therapy and the police really and truly do not need to be notified.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 07/12/2018 13:38

Counselling for the witness now!

I honestly don’t know if people are just trolling now! Sometimes on mumsnet you just can’t tell!

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2018 13:57

He didn't 'jab' his finger, he 'stroked' which is rather different

I'd be willing to bet good money he didn't.

CaliHummers · 07/12/2018 15:13

I honestly don’t know if people are just trolling now! Sometimes on mumsnet you just can’t tell!

It looked like a wind up to me, but no, I can't really tell. Thing is, a good way to discredit people saying "It was inappropriate and HR should have a word" is to overegg it by saying "it was assault, you need counselling!"

Chocolala · 07/12/2018 15:14

He didn't 'jab' his finger, he 'stroked' which is rather different

Or, being conscious not to hurt anyone accidentally, he was just trying to be gentle.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2018 15:26

I'm fairly sure if rhe bloke was standing stroking her neck she'd have mentioned it in her op. Instead she says he touched. And I suspect that's right. That's all he did. With his finger tip, on her back. For a split second to say where he thought the hole was. Cos, you know, she asked him where.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 07/12/2018 19:56

I'm fairly sure if rhe bloke was standing stroking her neck she'd have mentioned it in her op.

Well like a dog with a bone the usual crowd could not let go until the man had been fired for sexual assault, ideally jailed, with the OP and witnesses being immediately enrolled on counselling sessions to get over the trauma.

foodenvy · 07/12/2018 22:24

So much drama!! I wouldn’t have been too happy at him touching my back and I think it’s inappropriate at work, but, I would just remember it for future reference and steer clear of him. It’s hardly sexual assault! 🙄

foodenvy · 07/12/2018 22:26

I also think that implying this is sexual assault is an insult to the people who have encountered real assaults. If he does anything like this again simply tell him sharply to stop it

Banana1979 · 02/01/2019 23:05

You are over reacting. What has the world come to. 4 some people its just a natural reaction..silly i know to stick their finger in the hole. He was just showing you. Dont ruin his life over it and stop over thinking

Icanttakemuchmore · 03/01/2019 15:02

You're over reacting op. Forget it and move on. For goodness sake what is this world going to end up like!

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