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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucked off with selfish DP

193 replies

Pcastle · 03/12/2018 18:50

I’ve been looking forward to today for ages as we were to put up the Christmas tree and have mulled wine and sing Christmas songs with DP and DD today. It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) so really wanted it to be special and fun.

DP sat on the sofa staring at his phone while me and two year old DD did the tree and reluctantly added one decoration after I asked him a few times to get involved.

I then spent 20 minutes making mulled wine from scratch with all the spices and citrus fruits etc and handed him a glass. DD insisted on being vigorously bounced to every Christmas song which was fun for about three songs then my arms started to ache and I wanted to drink my mulled wine so asked DP to take a turn which he flatly refused.

I eventually got pissed off and went into the other room for five minutes and in that time DD emptied a bottle of milk onto the kitchen floor as DP couldn’t be bothered to watch what she was doing.

I’m just really upset as he clearly can’t be arsed and the evening is pretty much ruined now as any Christmas spirit has completely gone out of the window.

He keeps saying he’s tired but I was up with DD three hours earlier than him this morning so I feel like he should realise that I’m pretty tired myself. AIBU and oversensitive or is he being selfish and inconsiderate?

Just really disappointed that our first proper Christmas thing as a family had turned out like this.

OP posts:
Blanchedupetitpois · 03/12/2018 18:52

He sounds like a boring, moany bastard tbh. I’d have been fed up with that attitude too Flowers

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 18:53

I’m now sitting in the garden Sad

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 03/12/2018 18:55

Did you discuss traditions beforehand so that you were both doing things enjoyable by all?

How can it be the first Christmas when you have a 2-year-old?

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2018 18:55

It sounds like your expectations might have been a bit high. Do most people honestly sing Christmas songs and drink mulled wine as they decorate the tree?

He still should have been watching properly. Did he at least clean the milk up?

Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2018 18:56

When you had talked about looking forward to this day, had your dp verbalised any interest or excitement about it? Or do you think it was all your feelings and that he didn't really care?

Sounds like you are very keen to be a family and unfortunately he is realising what life is like with a two year old! What is he like normally?

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 18:57

To the pp, she’s not his DD.

Yes we had talked about it and he seemed excited too, so I feel let down. I could understand if I’d sprung it on him with high expectations of my own

OP posts:
Crimbobimbo · 03/12/2018 18:58

She's not his child? Yeah, he sounds dry balls. I guess not everyone likes Christmas.

Notcontent · 03/12/2018 18:58

It sounds like you had a “vision” of what you wanted things to be like, but he didn’t share it. Do you live together?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 03/12/2018 18:58

How can it be the first Christmas when you have a 2-year-old?

Presumably DD is not DP's child.

My DH would rather gouge out his own eyes than sing Xmas songs. But he respects that I enjoy decorating the tree and the house so facilitates it. He just buggers off if I have Xmas songs on as well.

DP either doesn't really care too much about Xmas or is a grumpy arse.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 03/12/2018 18:58

So it's not his child? You've been together 5 minutes, why would you expect him to take care of her?

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 18:58

He’s normally very hands on and sees DD as his own.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 03/12/2018 18:59

If youre in the garden, where is your child?

Youre acting like a fanily. He isnt your child’s father i assume and you have only been together a year. Please God tell me he doesnt live with you yet?!

NerrSnerr · 03/12/2018 18:59

Was he excited about the mulled wine and songs around the tree? I know my husband would rather chew off his arm then do all that forces fun. We do have traditions though that have evolved over the years.

It's always going to be hard with a 2 year old though.

Houseworkavoider · 03/12/2018 19:00

Does your Dp want to be your Dds Dad?
I think that he does sound a bit of a miserable so and so whatever the case!

Angrybird345 · 03/12/2018 19:00

Really? He doesn’t seem very hands on.

Notacluethisxmas · 03/12/2018 19:00

Hmmm I think this could be a case of your expectations are too high. You really had a clear plan and idea how this would work and it sounds a bit forced and over the top.

You clearly see you all as a family and expecting dp to act like a father to dd. But it doesn't sound like he is into that.

My Dp isn't a huge Christmas person. This is our first Christmas together. Me and ds decorated our tree together. Dp wasn't here. It's not dps bag.

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 19:00

We’re in the process of moving in together and both very much on the same page in terms of a future together. Maybe I am overreacting but he seemed excited about Christmas too! We chose the decorations together earlier today

OP posts:
Somerford · 03/12/2018 19:00

Hmmm. Did you expect him to be as excited about this as you were? I mean I get why you're feeling deflated but it sounds like this might have been a much bigger event for you than it was for him, it sounds like he saw it as a normal evening and you were trying to drag some excitement out of him.

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2018 19:00

Did he clean the milk up?

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 19:01

Is a year too soon to move in together? I don’t think so Confused

OP posts:
Giantbanger · 03/12/2018 19:01

Is he the father of the 2 year old?

Original poster
Pcastle · 03/12/2018 19:02

Yeah he cleaned the milk up and he’s looking after her while I’m in the garden. I can see them anyway through the French doors so I haven’t abandoned her

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 03/12/2018 19:02

Wherea your child’s father? Why are you lettig a man youve been with for lead that a year see dd like his own? Which he doesnt btw. Youre entirely reaponsible for her. Hence the milk.

JennyHolzersGhost · 03/12/2018 19:03

I suspect he is rethinking his very rapid commitment to the life of a family man.
Don’t get too attached to him OP, at the very least I would put moving in together on hold for a while.

Notacluethisxmas · 03/12/2018 19:03

Honestly, it's sounds a bit rushed and very forced. He sees you daughter as his own? After 11 months?

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