To be so fucked off with selfish DP

[Pcastle]

I’ve been looking forward to today for ages as we were to put up the Christmas tree and have mulled wine and sing Christmas songs with DP and DD today. It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) so really wanted it to be special and fun.

DP sat on the sofa staring at his phone while me and two year old DD did the tree and reluctantly added one decoration after I asked him a few times to get involved.

I then spent 20 minutes making mulled wine from scratch with all the spices and citrus fruits etc and handed him a glass. DD insisted on being vigorously bounced to every Christmas song which was fun for about three songs then my arms started to ache and I wanted to drink my mulled wine so asked DP to take a turn which he flatly refused.

I eventually got pissed off and went into the other room for five minutes and in that time DD emptied a bottle of milk onto the kitchen floor as DP couldn’t be bothered to watch what she was doing.

I’m just really upset as he clearly can’t be arsed and the evening is pretty much ruined now as any Christmas spirit has completely gone out of the window.

He keeps saying he’s tired but I was up with DD three hours earlier than him this morning so I feel like he should realise that I’m pretty tired myself. AIBU and oversensitive or is he being selfish and inconsiderate?

Just really disappointed that our first proper Christmas thing as a family had turned out like this.

OP, I think you'll need to get used to the idea that some of us are Grinches and find all this sort of thing nothing more than a tawdry load of shite.

And as for mulled wine: I'd rather drink Harpic. Why ruin perfectly nice wine, ffs?

The reason so many are saying it's too soon, is due to experience. Many of us thought we knew men who we'd been with for almost a year, but it turned out that we were ignoring the warning signs, because we were in love.
Add introducing a small child to the mix, and you have to be more cautious, because it's not just you who gets hurt when it goes tits up, and the child didn't have any choice in the matter.

The people who moved in together quickly, and are still together decades later, are in the minority. Also, it appears that the ones posting on this thread, didn't have a child at the time, by another man, so you're comparing apples with oranges.

Think OP has been scared off.

Peachcokezero: Apparently 11 months, although that was only after people noticed the discrepancy between her saying they'd been together a year, and it being their first Christmas together

The OP says in her very first post It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) Absolutely no discrepancy at all for anyone bothering to read her posts properly and just jump on to criticise her life choices.

*not just jump on

Sounds like you are seeing what he will be like once you are living together.
Agree with PPs. Hold off moving in together.

*iloveautumnleaves”
When a poster mentions something in a post, it is obvious that people are going to pick up on it. If you don’t want something questioned or remarked upon, don’t mention it at all.

She's obviously rounding up, Miss Marple.

Peachcokezero: That was the OP saying they were moving in together 'after a year'. No discrepancy?

Well, they are currently in the process of moving in together - that may well take another month or so. Unless you actually know the date that it's going to be official?

She's obviously rounding up, Miss Marple

She's obviously rounding up, Miss Marple.

Good one.

A year is ages to get to know someone in all the important ways, and I don't think it's necessarily too soon to move in - yes, even when you have a child - so long as you're not ignoring warning signs as to future problems.

As far as we know, the only context in which he is grumpy and unwilling to engage with OP and her DC is putting up Xmas decs while singing and drinking mulled wine. A combination of activities that any number of PP has said they or their DPs would hate too.

Just because he doesn't like the instagram/fakebook version of Christmas that OP subscribes to, doesn't make him a bad person in other ways! FWIW, my DH - who is wonderful with his step-DC and has been since day 1 - would react in exactly the same way. In fact, he'd be fucked off with me for trying to force him into something rather than me being fucked off with him for not doing it!

OP, chill about Christmas, accept he doesn't take it to the same extremes, do the stuff you want to do without him. It's only a problem if he's like this at other times too.

@PeachCokeZero

by all means keep defending the indefensible if it makes you feel fulfilled

The indefensible? Are you completely off your rocker? You're describing moving in with someone after a year as literally "indefensible"?!

How do you actually cope when confronted with really serious misdemeanors?!

Sheesh!

At least I get to feel fulfilled in all this though

The indefensible? Are you completely off your rocker? You're describing moving in with someone after a year as literally "indefensible"?!

I'm surprised that anyone would think it's OK to move in with someone in less than a year when there are children involved. Indefensible wouldn't be my choice of words - perhaps ill-judged?

When there are no children involved, it hardly matters. One's romantic adventures are all one's own, this is the time for spontaneity.

This all comes to a grinding halt when you become a parent.