To be so fucked off with selfish DP

[Pcastle]

I’ve been looking forward to today for ages as we were to put up the Christmas tree and have mulled wine and sing Christmas songs with DP and DD today. It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) so really wanted it to be special and fun.

DP sat on the sofa staring at his phone while me and two year old DD did the tree and reluctantly added one decoration after I asked him a few times to get involved.

I then spent 20 minutes making mulled wine from scratch with all the spices and citrus fruits etc and handed him a glass. DD insisted on being vigorously bounced to every Christmas song which was fun for about three songs then my arms started to ache and I wanted to drink my mulled wine so asked DP to take a turn which he flatly refused.

I eventually got pissed off and went into the other room for five minutes and in that time DD emptied a bottle of milk onto the kitchen floor as DP couldn’t be bothered to watch what she was doing.

I’m just really upset as he clearly can’t be arsed and the evening is pretty much ruined now as any Christmas spirit has completely gone out of the window.

He keeps saying he’s tired but I was up with DD three hours earlier than him this morning so I feel like he should realise that I’m pretty tired myself. AIBU and oversensitive or is he being selfish and inconsiderate?

Just really disappointed that our first proper Christmas thing as a family had turned out like this.

Where is your daughter’s father? Does he have very little contact? Is that ahy ypure rushing this relationship.

I know some of my friends family very well. I even have the same things as a friend does for the future. I love my friend to bits as does he. Doesn't mean we should play house though.

She doesn’t have a dad but I don’t think it’s relevant to go into the ins and outs of that.

I guess I just need to do the Christmassy stuff on my own, that’s ok, I’ll know for next time

So if this relationship goes wrong will you want the next man to think of your DD as his own? She could end up with a few dads!
I hope your relationship lasts but agree with others, you have had a baby with one man and met another who you are moving in with in the space of two years, and it's all too soon!
I wouldn't trust a man who saw my child as his own after such a short time. I'm not saying that he never could see her as his own but I doubt any man would bond with someone else's child to that extent so quickly!

jI think before he moves in you should do some serious talking about expectations love. He isn't on the same page as you.

It's up to you, but I do think you're moving too quickly. You have a daughter to think of, he's not on the same page as you. You've been together 11 months, that is seriously no time at all. For your daughter's sake slow down a bit and let family (your and your daughter's) traditions establish naturally. Don't have him move in yet. Plenty of time yet. Honestly. There is no rush.

You are not on the same page.

Op. I know youre not listening, so ill bow out soon. But before i do, we guessed your dd doesnt see her father because your behaviour, in rushing this relationship, is quite common. Youre trying to create a family for you both. Youre rushing things to provide the family you want. Under a year is not long enough to know someone. You think it is because you want to create a family. But it isnt. This is a mistake.

I guess I just need to do the Christmassy stuff on my own, that’s ok, I’ll know for next time

You sound like a petulant child. If you're together in the long run you'll get your own traditions based on what you all like and enjoy.

OP, I completely get why you're disappointed, I really do. You thought you had a deal and you feel let down. I'd feel a bit pissed off, too, with the phone thing.

But what people are saying, is that you are still learning about this man and what he is like.

My husband shoots through the winter months and honestly I love taking the days he's away to do christmas things. House to myself wrapping away happily drinking mulled wine on my own. Plus if you and dd get on with your own thing he may decide he wants to take part To. Just don't force it

And what happens when he doesn't want to get involved with everything else?
If you are both in different books about the tree, how can you seriously expect yourselves to be in the same book never mind page about everything else?

What kind of family things do you do together the rest of the time?

Op. I know youre not listening, so ill bow out soon. But before i do, we guessed your dd doesnt see her father because your behaviour, in rushing this relationship, is quite common. Youre trying to create a family for you both. Youre rushing things to provide the family you want. Under a year is not long enough to know someone. You think it is because you want to create a family. But it isnt. This is a mistake

Yes, I get the same impression. You want the family picture in your head you're willing to ignore signs that it's too early to move in together.

This is something you'll have to learn by yourself. Just please do not get pregnant to him any time soon. Just don't.

I dont think you truely know someone until you live with them for a few years, A year is fine to think about moving in if you can see a future together.

I feel very sorry for your DD

Has he been to work today? Maybe he is just knackered. Why are you doing this on a Monday evening and not on a weekend afternoon.

I think you have probably got yourself a bit overexcited with being a "real family" and have a rose tinted view of what doing the decorations will be like.

I wouldn't assume that it is not going to be a "together" thing every year - maybe not this year if it is because its after a long day at work.

I dont think you truely know someone until you live with them for a few years, A year is fine to think about moving in if you can see a future together.
Not when you are involving your child too. That needs investment without pressure.

I also think your expectations are too high

The singing, endless bouncing (can you not just say "enough now!" to the tot, when you're tired?) and mulled wine drinking and making decorating the tree an "event" ...lots of people don't roll like that!

I don't, DH does not either. I guess at least we are miserable bastards together

but seriously, it sounds like you try and live a TV advertisement. And the whole "Christmas is ruined!" drama is so unnecessary, it's not even Christmas yet....

You're getting a hard time here because you've (inadvertently) demonstrated one of the gazillion things you won't know about a person in a year.

Sounds a bit shite. Good luck.

I’m with your dh, bouncing around singing carols on the 3rd of December with a two year old, flinging decorations at a tree whilst getting daggers from you sounds like hell on wheels!

And you're inflicting this man on your DC?

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

This is something you'll have to learn by yourself. Just please do not get pregnant to him any time soon. Just don't.

Good advice. You'll just have 2 kids, 2 exes, more complications.

Everyone calm down. OP asked if she was being unreasonable about the Christmas decorations. She's decided that maybe she was, that should be the end of it.

And now everyone has jumped on her because he didn't want to put up decorations to decide they shouldn't move in together?! What the actual fuck. I'm pretty sure many on here get off on basically ripping peoples relationships to threads and screaming LTB. Just because he didn't want to do that activity doesn't mean he wants to back out of living together. Stop being so dramatic ffs. If she wanted advice about moving in together she'd have asked for it.

Ozil it is like youve not actually read the thread. People arent saying the boyf doesnt want to move in. They are saying the op shouldnt. Because it is too soon.