To be so fucked off with selfish DP

[Pcastle]

I’ve been looking forward to today for ages as we were to put up the Christmas tree and have mulled wine and sing Christmas songs with DP and DD today. It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) so really wanted it to be special and fun.

DP sat on the sofa staring at his phone while me and two year old DD did the tree and reluctantly added one decoration after I asked him a few times to get involved.

I then spent 20 minutes making mulled wine from scratch with all the spices and citrus fruits etc and handed him a glass. DD insisted on being vigorously bounced to every Christmas song which was fun for about three songs then my arms started to ache and I wanted to drink my mulled wine so asked DP to take a turn which he flatly refused.

I eventually got pissed off and went into the other room for five minutes and in that time DD emptied a bottle of milk onto the kitchen floor as DP couldn’t be bothered to watch what she was doing.

I’m just really upset as he clearly can’t be arsed and the evening is pretty much ruined now as any Christmas spirit has completely gone out of the window.

He keeps saying he’s tired but I was up with DD three hours earlier than him this morning so I feel like he should realise that I’m pretty tired myself. AIBU and oversensitive or is he being selfish and inconsiderate?

Just really disappointed that our first proper Christmas thing as a family had turned out like this.

Waiting for someone to say “you seem like hard work” - is a bit of enthusiasm really too much to ask? Maybe it is!

Yes it is absolutely too soon to move in with someone when you have a child.

Please wait a bit longer before you move in together. One year is nothing. You cannot know someone properly in that time.

If it was just you at stake then go for it but it's a lot of upheaval for a small child to have people come and go.

is a bit of enthusiasm really too much to ask? Maybe it is!

To be honest, I’d be struggling to be enthusiastic. Had he been to work?

How old are you OP?

Nobody is criticising your enthusiasm for christmas. And he should not have been on his phone. But no, you shouldnt be moving a man in with you this soon into a relationship. You dont sound hard work, we all have visions of how we want certain things to go and your dp didnt even try, but you do sound young.

Well I absolutely don’t think it’s too soon to move in after a year, so I respectfully disagree with you there.

You aren't on the same page. You want him to step up and do all these things. He doesn't want to and it's his prerogative.

I wouldn't be too excited either about the planned evening. Not really my thing either.
But then I think it's too early still and if consulted about this I would have mentioned waiting.

I do our Christmas tree and decs on my day off while DP is at work. I love wrapping presents, Christmas tunes and general festive cheer but it really isn't DP's thing, so I don't try to force him into it.

And if DP expected me to watch his children for him while he had a strop in another room, he'd be getting short shrift for it. His kids, his parenting responsibility.
I'll help out but if he walked out a room in a huff with me because I was tired and couldn't be arsed putting up the Christmas tree I wouldn't be feeling like taking up the slack for him.

You've been together less than a year and are still finding out who each other is. Cut out some of this pressure to play happy families so early on and you'll find yourself (and your DP) are much happier for it. Ease up the expectations.

A year is too soon to be moving in together if you have a child from a previous relationship, yes. "First Christmas together as a family" is an odd expression too. You dont live with him yet and he isnt your child's father. You've been seeing him for less than a year so he isnt her step dad either, by any stretch of the imagination. It sounds a bit forced.

I don't think it's being selfish, he isn't into your idea of Christmas prep.

How old are you both?

DH would rather stick pins in his eyes than put the tree up whilst listening to carols and drinking wine. We've been happily married for years and DC are his. Just not his thing, that's fine.

Maybe you just got a bit over excited? I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

But you've not been together a year. You've already said it is less than a year. This isnt a good decision for your child.

But how is it a year if this is your first Christmas together?

You may not think it's too soon.

However, surely reading your ok back you can see that you are different pages?

I think if kids are involved them 1 year into a relationship is too fast. You need to be 100% sure that your dd won't get too attached to him and then things don't work out and the relationship ends. It's not the best lesson in life at such a young age. Ofcourse it's your life and your choice but I think it is very early to be expecting him to baby sit and to act like a family unless ofcourse he has kids of his own and he is familiar with that lifestyle. But ofcourse he has agreed to the decision so he has to understand what is expected of him. He will technically be a stepfatehr if living together. Can he handle that responsibility after only 1 year? Sorry didn't want to kiss on your chips. Just my thoughts

To be fair some people love Christmas but hate doing the tree, wrapping presents etc.

My DP would gouge his eyes out rather than do it, and I hate it so much that I wrap it in cling film and just stick it in the loft, that way I only have to cut the clingfilm off and it's done 😂

I think this is a 50/50 'fault' - you had OTT expectations and he was a miserable bugger! I could just imagine his counter post 'I'm tired and my DP has just become christmaszilla - she's trying to make me sing and decorate the tree like we live in some awful 1950's musical...'

I feel like you've Ben on Facebook and instagram looking at other peoples "perfect" christmas set up days and wanted it for you to, which in itself is okay but unrealistic. IMO most men really wouldn't get excited about that stuff. Well done on the mulled wine though homemade is the best

Piss not kiss

You can disagree a year is too soon, that’s your call, but if this was your 3rd Xmas together, you’d know what a moody git he was, you would know him properly and not bother posting this thread

It’s 11 months so nearly a year. We’re moving in properly over the next month. I really don’t think it’s too soon. I completely disagree. We know each other well, have got to know each other’s family and friends. Thank you but I’m my opinion it’s not too soon. I guess my Christmas expectations were too high but I’m perfectly happy with my decision re moving in

Of course, it's too soon. You have different ideas and expectations. You want this guy to step up and be a dad. You want him to get involved with your traditions.
if it wasn't too soon you would actually know more about each other that goes beyond we want the same things in the future. 10 years down the line isn't important when there is a child here now that needs consistency.
5 years down the line isn't important when he doesn't want to get involved with the things today.
We can all have the same view of the future. Doesn't mean with have to shack up with everyone that wants this.

*been on Facebook not Ben

You sound very, very dramatic.

What does your DD call him? Dad?

What does she call her dad?

I've seen this stuff go tits up in my own extended family - a few festive tunes will be the least of your worries.