To be so fucked off with selfish DP

[Pcastle]

I’ve been looking forward to today for ages as we were to put up the Christmas tree and have mulled wine and sing Christmas songs with DP and DD today. It’s our first Christmas together (have been together nearly a year) so really wanted it to be special and fun.

DP sat on the sofa staring at his phone while me and two year old DD did the tree and reluctantly added one decoration after I asked him a few times to get involved.

I then spent 20 minutes making mulled wine from scratch with all the spices and citrus fruits etc and handed him a glass. DD insisted on being vigorously bounced to every Christmas song which was fun for about three songs then my arms started to ache and I wanted to drink my mulled wine so asked DP to take a turn which he flatly refused.

I eventually got pissed off and went into the other room for five minutes and in that time DD emptied a bottle of milk onto the kitchen floor as DP couldn’t be bothered to watch what she was doing.

I’m just really upset as he clearly can’t be arsed and the evening is pretty much ruined now as any Christmas spirit has completely gone out of the window.

He keeps saying he’s tired but I was up with DD three hours earlier than him this morning so I feel like he should realise that I’m pretty tired myself. AIBU and oversensitive or is he being selfish and inconsiderate?

Just really disappointed that our first proper Christmas thing as a family had turned out like this.

As long as the Christmas film this scene is from isn't included in the little woman does all the wife work because if so you should have got his slippers our and quietly done the Christmas tree with your dd.
You seem clear that he is moving in so I hope you have had a proper chat about how this will work because it is getting colder and you can't keep running out to the garden.
Also your daughter isn't his so don't force it let it happen naturally but ultimately she is your responsibility.
You also have avoided answering about how old you both are which is telling.

Pcastle

Can’t see anywhere where you have answered many poster’s question of “how old are you?”.

My guess is you are quite young?

Also, how can your DD NOT have a Dad? Has he died...even if this is the case, she still had one.

Jesus wept. Stop asking why she said her DD doesn’t have a Dad. She’s already said she doesn’t be want to get into it on here. He might have died (but I doubt it, she’d probably have said so), or he might be an unknown donor or most likely a random she doesn’t know. Possibly her DD is a result of a rape. Whatever, it’s HER business and totally and utterly irrelevant to this situation. Beak out.

Sounds like he wasn't up to the forced fun of sing songs ....
I would be mortified if anybody expected me to be sing songing away all Merry whilst decorating the tree :

OP men aren't usually into this sort of thing, maybe your expectations are a bit high.
And also having such high expectations of him treating your DD like his own are a bit much too considering you obviously have t been together long with this being your first Christmas.

You can't force any of the above. Chill out a bit!

Why are people being so harsh tonight? It's not that hard to help with Christmas decorations or drink mulled wine or bounce a baby is it? I think I would expect my DH to do all things... I'm like OP and get a childlike excitement in the lead up to Christmas. However, OP, singing can make a lot of people uncomfortable so while it's your prerogative to sing Christmas songs... it may be a little unreasonable to expect enthusiasm on DPs part. I know that my DH will come to the Christmas fairs, markets, grotto, carol services etc with me but he won't pretend to like it... but sometimes it genuinely surprises him and he'll admit he loved certain aspects. You don't want him to have to be fake for you but you don't have to give up the Christmas spirit if that's who you are. Just manage your own expectations in future.

I am 48, I have a friend same age that had a child when she was 16, so child is 32 now. My friend was abandoned by the child's father during pregnancy but she met someone else when child was 5 months old. They were together for nearly thirty years. The day they split he wanted nothing to do with the child that was not his but he had legally adopted, he only had interest in the son they had together.

OP, he does not consider your DD to be his. You sound very immature and naive,

My DH, who's generally an upbeat, cheerful person, is a real grinch when it comes to decorating for Christmas. He just can't be bothered unless nagged!

So I got the tree this weekend and will decorate with the DC's one evening this week while listening to carols. DH will admire it afterwards and might possibly be persuaded to put up a few lights around the porch if I get the step ladder and light out.

He'll always go to a party and eat a good Christmas dinner though

Yes it's cruel to be flaming the op about her question on here, banging on about her relationship and her child etc.. As she wanted to create an evening as such, it's sad that it went to pot. It's never very pleasant if someone spoils your plans.

You cannot force someone to enjoy themselves. Take things slowly, if he has not had a child, this might be too much for him or he simply does not know what is expected of him.

I don’t think you can claim to know him well enough to move in with him and have your DD think of him as a dad when he’s causing you to be so wound up you’re posting on MN. Your first Christmas together and the cracks are beginning to appear. I would personally hold off on moving in.

Has tha been watching Christmas movies 24 them film are all the same see a man fall in love have a brilliant Christmas with family singing around the tree and live happily ever after

It'll all end in tears

how can your DD NOT have a dad?

ahahaha this fucking thread

the worst of MN

It is only 4th December you know.

By the time it is Christmas Eve you'll be fed up with it all and will have forgotten what you intended.

Sounds like you are determined to shoehorn this miserable lazy git into your lives and inflict him permanently on your lovely 2yo dd. I feel really sad for her. Things aren't going well, you're deluded if you think he sees your dd as his own, moving in with him is a massive mistake.

Maybe leave some of the #MakingMemories Christmas jollity for the lead-up to Christmas and spread it out a bit. It sounds a bit like you've decided from December 1 it's all systems go and your going to put into play every Christmas Tradition you've ever seen played out on the MN Christmas Thread.

Ease back a bit and enjoy your run up to Christmas. I hope you DD and your partner will enjoy many, many more together so don't feel like you have to run down a Christmas Checklist.

@PeachCokeZero
I'm really sorry that I didn't make my post clear enough for everyone to understand.

You know what is clear enough to understand? That you're an insensitive arsehole. You managed to upset somebody by asking them a question that resulted in them telling you about a really tragic loss and you don't even have the fucking grace to apologise or offer condolences?

@barbarabarnacle I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even comprehend how much pain you're going through. Sending you love.

OP, the train appears to have arrived at Wanker Central on some quarters of the internet tonight. If this was a relationship that corresponded to the notions that certain people have of what is "right" or "appropriate", you would have had sympathy and understanding, and instead you've had some really unnecessary and a few downright awful comments. Only you know what is right for you and your DC and fwiw I don't think a year is too soon to move in, and furthermore it's none of my goddamn business or anyone else's but yours I totally get why you're upset about your DP's lack of festive attitude and I don't think you were expecting too much. Maybe tomorrow try and have a conversation about how and why you felt hurt. Hope you guys sort it out

Well you now know Christmas isn’t his thing. At least decorating the tree, and dancing round singing isn’t. So next year there won’t be a problem.

It's not that hard to help with Christmas decorations or drink mulled wine or bounce a baby is it? I think I would expect my DH to do all things.

You can't force someone to drink something they don't want to or to force then to do something they don't want to do.

I got insanelt excited about the tree but dp isnt that fussed so dd and i decorated it.

I cannot imagine many men wanting to sing carols and drink mulled wine whikst decorating a tree op...especially early December. Dont analyse it too much...it was overkill for him.

As for all the posters clutching pearls about who the dad is etc...wtaf?

Also finding it hilarious that people here think you dont know your dp after a year...Jesus wept.

On mn you are only in an official relationship once you have your 25 year anniversary of Christian marriage.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not worth having a fight over. Some people don’t respond well to enforced fun and everyone’s entitled to an off day.

@DonkeyHotei and @Ozil10
Couldn't agree more with both of your posts...

"Also, how can your DD NOT have a Dad? Has he died...even if this is the case, she still had one"

How condescending

He does sound a bit miserable and yes some people are just not into certain things, only you can say if it's really important to you. In hindsight i overlooked/excused too much of my partner's moods previously but that's who he was despite what I hoped..

I would probably not introduce someone to my DC until a year! So yes I think v rushed, no need.