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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not date someone because they smoke?

182 replies

aleohf · 01/12/2018 05:18

Really like a guy, everything about him is perfect. Known him years.

He has absolutely no intentions to stop smoking and smokes about 20 a day.

AIBU for this to ruin everything?

OP posts:
RedDwarves · 01/12/2018 05:21

There's no chance I would ever date a smoker.

YANBU.

PositiveVibez · 01/12/2018 05:23

Not at all. Totally your prerogative.

ghostlygal · 01/12/2018 05:24

I couldn't do it! But that's only because I'd be tempted to restart smoking which I never ever want to do!

How long have you guys been dating?

Could he use gum, have a special smoking jacket & aftershave to cover the smell?

Flamingoose · 01/12/2018 05:24

Perfectly reasonable. It would be a deal-breaker for me, and it seems as though it is for you too.

NotANotMan · 01/12/2018 05:24

More than reasonable. Smoking is disgusting. There is no excuse past your 20s to still be a smoker, and a smoking 40 plus year old is tragic.

Every man I've had sex with over about 35 who has been a smoker has had some kind of erectile issue. I thought it was a thing that happened to most men but then slept with some non smokers and I won't go back! And all the other reasons obviously but that one is important too Grin

mrbob · 01/12/2018 05:25

Nope. I would not date a smoker. The smell. The expense. The health issues.

JumpersForGoalposts · 01/12/2018 05:25

For me, smoking would be a deal breaker too so YANBU.

Ploppymoodypants · 01/12/2018 05:26

No you are not unreasonable.
Not sure how old either of you are, but this becomes a bigger issue if you ever had children. The risks to new borns of having a smoking parent (not just the mum) increase dramatically.
I wouldn’t consider dating a smoker again.
Also all the money!

araiwa · 01/12/2018 05:27

Literally any reason is good enough not to date someone

ViragoKnows · 01/12/2018 05:28

Not

So did you believe More than reasonable. Smoking is disgusting. There is no excuse past your 20s to still be a smoker, and a smoking 40 plus year old is tragic. before or after you’d made the connection with ED? Wink

EmeraldBookshelf · 01/12/2018 05:29

YANBU

Smoking affects many things for the people in the smokers life. The way they smell and taste, their health and life expectancy (you could end up caring for them) the affects of passive smoking on your health, the cost of the cigarettes/tobacco which could be spent elsewhere, the affect it may have in your DC/ future DC. It’s a massive dealbreaker for me.

NotANotMan · 01/12/2018 05:30

Around the same time!
I became an ex smoker at the same sort of time I became single. So my standards of man were different lower than they are now. Been single 6 years and an ex smoker for 8 so I have carried out a reliable longitudinal study Grin

Minimincepies · 01/12/2018 05:32

No way on earth I would date a smoker. Not least because I question the judgememt of anyone who starts such a disgusting habit in an age where the very considerable risks are so well-known, and I'd worry about what other poor decisions they might make.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 01/12/2018 05:33

If you don't want to date a smoker don't date one. Some people care, some people don't. I couldn't because I'm asthmatic but if not I don't know if it would bother me.

ViragoKnows · 01/12/2018 05:35

Around the same time!
I became an ex smoker at the same sort of time I became single. So my standards of man were different lower than they are now. Been single 6 years and an ex smoker for 8 so I have carried out a reliable longitudinal study

Grin

Nothing like a good, well designed longitudinal study.

OP whindo you feel you need to explain your dating choices to? It’s entirely up to you who you want to date Smile

SabineUndine · 01/12/2018 05:37

Yuck. I wouldn’t.

moita · 01/12/2018 05:37

I wouldn't. I used to many years ago - I hated kissing him after he'd smoked. My hair and clothes always stank as well. Wasn't the reason I ended the relationship but his smoking was unattractive.

primoestate · 01/12/2018 05:39

Just sitting near a smoker is enough to put me off. The stinking breath.....Sad

duhast · 01/12/2018 05:39

Smoking is a deal breaker for me too.

My dad was a 20-30 a day smoker, it killed him. He didn't care about smoking in front of and all over us kids either, in smoking he was totally selfish.

That's aside from it being smelly and disgusting and at 20 a day - how much money?!

MaryShelley1818 · 01/12/2018 05:40

Nope, I definitely wouldn’t date a smoker.

Luglio · 01/12/2018 05:49

God, no way. I don't see how you could anyway - how could you possibly snog someone who stank of smoke, if you didn't smoke yourself?

FloofyDoof · 01/12/2018 05:49

I wouldn't. I'm an ex-smoker, I quit about 5 years ago, and the smell now makes me feel ill. It gets into everything.

Babymammy · 01/12/2018 05:55

I said I would NEVER date a smoker.

Then I did.

And now have a baby, and it's caused sooooo many issues now there is a baby involved. I don't want my dc around it. Not even if he's smoked outside then comes in and wants to hold dc, no chance, it stinks the house out when he walks back in the door. He promised he would of stopped before dc arrived, did for about 2 weeks. Needless to say we now stay apart.

Think long term op.

IHaveBrilloHair · 01/12/2018 05:56

You can not date someone for any reason you choose, I'm not sure why you thought you had to ask?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/12/2018 06:01

He loves fags more than wanting to be with you unfortunately. As pps have said you don’t have to justify your reason.

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