To not date someone because they smoke?

[aleohf]

Really like a guy, everything about him is perfect. Known him years.

He has absolutely no intentions to stop smoking and smokes about 20 a day.

AIBU for this to ruin everything?

Good god no way...it’s a total turn off for me I wouldn’t care if it was brad Pitt!!

Hmm, I dated now dh, he smoked and then by 45 the pressure from doctors and medical advice (and me) to give up for so strong he did it and now it’s lovely.

Anyway, choosing to date somebody is completely different from choosing an employee - you get the final say regardless of how far-reaching or trivial your reasoning (as does somebody who may or may not want to date you).

Whether you don't fancy short people, white people, Senegalese people, people called Rupert, people with big noses, people who wear double-denim - it's still completely your choice.

if this were not the case, then a straight woman could be accused of discrimination for not fancying another woman and therefore immediately rejecting her as a potential romantic partner. Similarly, a lesbian is entirely within her rights not to consider for a moment dating somebody with a penis - regardless of how said penis-owner identifies.

I have never smoked (not even 1 puff of a cigarette). I never dated anyone who smoked either. There was one boy I really fancied but refused a date with him because he smoked.

I absolutely hate the smell of smokers. I can smell it even on someone walking past me in the street. It makes me feel sick

It's never unreasonable to choose to not date someone.
You are allowed to not date someone for any reason at all.

There's a thread running currently where a pregnant OP is complaining about her partner's smoking, and some of the responses are (fairly sensibly) that she chose to date and live with and get pregnant by a smoker, so it shouldn't be a shock to her that he continues to smoke.

I was just pondering this. I've been dating a bloke for a bit and am considering whether to make it official. He's just picked me up with a cigarette hanging out of his gob like some old fishwife. I can't erase the image and its given me the ick big time.

You are not BU. In the immediate short term It's a smelly, inconsiderate, expensive habit and in the long term, I've seen too many family members die of smoking related cancers to want to watch my life partner do the same.

Yuk. I would never date a smoker and I say that as an ex smoker who married a non smoker. I gave up a couple of years after we got together.
I can’t imagine why he happily kissed my faggy breath but it was in the days when you could smoke anywhere so maybe the stench was less noticeable.
I can instantly smell a smoker as soon as they walk into my office and the smell lingers long after they have gone.It is disgusting and the health problems it causes are horrific.

Absolutely no way. Apart from anything else, he'll spend half the relationship outside smoking and bugger off out there every time you are in the middle of an argument.

YANBU - horrible disgusting habit that makes clothes and home stink. Its just horrible. I'm not sure why anyone does it though I do understand its an addiction.

(Puts fingers in ears and sings tra-la-la loudly - not interested in anyone who wants to defend smokers).

Defending smokers' rights to smoke in safe, legal and considerate places, far away from children: fine.

Defending the rights of a smoker to date somebody who doesn't want to date them - whether wholly, partly or not at all because of the fact that they smoke: not acceptable in any way.

Think ahead - if you end up staying with somebody and going on to have a baby with them, every time they kiss their (and your) baby, or get close to them for any other reason, the poor baby is subjected to that horrible stench and cannot escape. Would you really choose that for your child?

By the way, if I were still single, I would have no objection to considering dating a smoker who was actively, of their own volition, working towards quitting for good. Many years ago, before he and my lovely MIL married, my FIL smoked and she told him that she wouldn't court him unless he quit smoking. His choice entirely, but he couldn't have both the cigarettes and her. He made his choice and, IMVHO, by far the better one!

It's just that, if people smoke and have no desire to give up, that is their absolute right, but it is a choice they've made that will not necessarily be compatible with other rights, options or privileges.

Dealbreaker for me too.

Not , meant 🤢

I have recently stopped smoking and this thread is exactly what I need.

Yanbu.
I wouldn’t date a drinker either.

My DH was a smoker when we met. But then so was I... we both quit before DS came along. I’ve been quit nearly 2 years and he stopped over a year ago...
I suppose to answer your question YANBU

Eww no definitely not, total deal breaker for me.. The stench 🤮

No not a drinker. Health issues, dangers around children, addiction etc. Not worth it.

You can choose not to date someone for any reason you like!

I dated a smoker briefly while at uni, but swore never again

I’ve dated an ex-smoker who vaped but they were considerate when vaping and it never bothered me

I wouldn't want to date someone who smokes, I can't even bear to be in a room with people who are smoking. The smell is simply gross.

YANBU not a chance I would date a smoker. Especially seeing as smokers are inherently fucking stupid and I don’t date stupid people.

Me and oh were heavy smokers before we got together and for much of our life together but I've given up and she hasn't

Might dump her off the back of this thread

I'm okay with smoking. It's devil worship that would be the deal- breaker for me.

Even if you're dating a considerate one - wears a special devil-worship jacket, always pays obeisance to the Evil One outside - you can always tell.

I dated one once. Never again. Upside-down crucifixes; stripping the wallpaper in the bedroom to find a pentagram drawn just over the headboard; severed goat heads in the composting bin when everyone knows it's for vegetable waste only.

It was when we were going to have a little one that I came to my senses. The idea of someone who regularly fantasised about sacrificing babies kissing one of mine turned my stomach.

So though there are worse habits OP, you're not at all unreasonable or even a little bit smug to ask complete strangers something that is entirely your choice to make.

I remember being a small kid the early 80s and having that smell of smokers around me, didn't everyone? It's was mostly meh.
But I still love the smell of a good pipe.

My effort as a teen and my quick Silk Cut Purple "behind the bikeshead" for me, ended very quick, I never looked cool enough, so that was the end of my smoking days.

My dad died due to smoking, I was in the kitchen talking to my friend on the phone. When I went into his studios (he was an artist) in the grounds of our house, so it was more than 3mins away, and saw him lying unconscious...Rang 999 in tears and they where fantastic in guiding me through CPR, the ambulance was there in 2 mins, they did the whole defibrillator thing, BLUE and TWOS the to hospital "saying we are going to try our best, but he will really be gone when we get there"

He was DOA.
I read his autopsy report, and I broke every rib in his body trying to revive him, which is the correct way to do CRP. It was a blood clot in is heart killed him, I didn't get there in time. Something I want to pass on that might be a live safer. A person having a heart attack might be having a blood clot. Have disprin and crush it up into their gums, it's a blood thinner and might give up the extra few vital minutes.

I have no love for smokes,

But I know that we all have addictions, be it The Internet/staring at the phone every second. Food. Smokes. Alcohol. Or some trashy show etc

Sadly some are more overt than others. But I hope I would never judge anyone who was trying to deal with any of those issues.