To not date someone because they smoke?

[aleohf]

Really like a guy, everything about him is perfect. Known him years.

He has absolutely no intentions to stop smoking and smokes about 20 a day.

AIBU for this to ruin everything?

I've always hated smoking and never thought I'd date a smoker. Then I met my (now husband) 7 years ago, and weirdly enough I disliked the smoking but couldn't even consider not dating him - he was the one!
Luckily he never dreamt of smoking in the house/car etc, and he suddenly decided to move to vaping after a couple of years. He did that for about 18m then gave up completely.
It's weird, looking back I find it really weird that it didn't put me off but I'm so glad it didn't - it's a distant memory now! ☺️

Smoking is disgusting BUT my husband is an ex smoker and when I found out he smoked (on our first date) I knew I really liked him right from the off as it wasn’t the deal breaker I expected it to be. He’s quit now though!

I couldn’t date a smoker now. I did in the past. He smoked heavily. The worst thing was I couldn’t smell it at first because my mum also smoked heavily (living at home still at the time) and I was so used to it! My mum give up and I could start smelling it. It was vile. The worst part was if you went or anywhere he was constantly stopping for fag breaks or smoking outside shops etc!! He would also smoke in bed 🤮 however, I do think some smokers are better at hiding it. My uncle smokes but you can barely smell it. He showers twice a day and always washing his clothes, hands etc and he doesn’t smoke indoors.

I’m completely anti/smoking now. Luckily my OH feels the same way.

I would consider smoking as a factor in whether I would want to date something or not!

I wouldn't, I don't like

I wouldn't, I don't like the smell, wouldn't want it around babies/small children even if only third hand, lost a family member to lung cancer etc. Lots of valid reasons.

I wouldn't now but l did marry a smoker. However l didn't realise he smoked until 6mth in as he never smoked in front of me or smelt of it as he knew l was a non smoker.

He gave up many years ago but was never a heavy smoker anyway.

YANBU

No way would I date a smoker

The smell makes my stomach heave and the thought of kissing someone ... urg! Like kissing an ashtray.
Smokers can't smell themselves so they just don't get how foul it is.

Could he use gum, have a special smoking jacket & aftershave to cover the smell?

That won't cover the smell. If you are what you eat, you definitely are what you breath in. Smokers taste of smoke. It's in their skin. Microscopic particles will get on his clothes and transfer everywhere. Since smoking has been banned in public places and we're all less used to the smell, anyone who smokes really stands out.

The only thing I would say OP is to perhaps mention that you don't date smokers. He may not care about this and will carry on smoking. He might think you're weird and prejudiced and carry on smoking. Or you just might find it's the incentive he needs to save himself £50 a week and stop. But unless he stops, I wouldn't bother.

I always said I’d never date a smoker.
I’m vehemently anti smoking and think it’s the vilest most disgusting habit.

I met my husband and we went on a date, I had no idea he smoked until we’d had a few dates. By then it was too late and I knew he was the one.

He’s one of the few considerate smokers I know. He’s got a smoking jacket and goes straight to the downstairs toilet to wash his hands/face and brush his teeth. He also sprays the utility room with fresher so that the smoke from his breath when he comes in doesn’t linger.

He would never ever dream of smoking in front of our children. He’s so discreet you’d never know he smoked.

YANBU. I wouldn’t.

YANBU.

As a youngster (and at that point a social smoker) it wouldn’t have bothered me but I was an idiot as I’m asthmatic so definitely should never have been smoking!

And I wonder why I'm single
Sad smoker here. It's your choice.

Yanbu. I refused to to date anyone who smoked as did everyone i knew but we all none smokers so didnt really come across it much.

It was one of the first things I asked dh when I met him as I knew he was the one but knew I didn't want to be with a smoker.

He said he'd quit the month before but felt he'd take it back up at some point. That was 13 years ago and he's never smoked again

YANBU. Your choice and I would not do so either.

Wouldn't bother me at all but if you don't like smoking you don't like it so of course yanbu.

Not sure why someone would wonder if they abu about this tbh

I dumped a guy after about a year because he wouldn't stop smoking. That was pre-DH so about 25 years ago. I don't even have friends who smoke, it's a disgusting habit.

A couple a day or a social smoker I could cope with but 20 is a lot. I would hate the smell, the expense & from my experience of having friends who smoke heavily it dictates where you go. They can't go anywhere without having a quick smoke first etc. I find it annoying.

No, would never be with a smoker.

I smoked (lightly) when I met dh. Stopped less than a year in, which was 20 years ago - not because of him, I was entering my final year at university and it was time to stop. He's a lifelong non-smoker but was used to it because his mother smoked (at home too ) I do, tbh, think it is something, if you start at all, that you should grow out of way before you get to the stage of having children. For a few years I had literally one a year at a particular friend's party, but even that seems silly now.

In short, YANBU.

I wouldn't. It would piss me off the expense! My friend smokes - doesn't bother me as she does it outside, doesn't make a big deal of it and I don't have to kiss her! Her choice completely - and spends nearly £10 a day on cigarettes. £300 a month, £3600 a year. So many better uses of that amount of money!!

The odd cigarette wouldn’t bother me- but 20 a day, no way. Any future house together would stink.

Deal breaker for me too. It's not just the habit itself but I don't think I could be attracted to someone who has such a silly habit (with no desire to stop) we probably wouldn't be compatible anyway. The cost, future health issues, stink, disruptive nature of it and then concern with children in future would all be huge no-nos. Plus I just find it tacky in 2018....

YANBU

I would never have dated anyone who smoked, drank alcohol or took drugs including weed. I know it narrowed my choice considerably, but it means DH and I have similar lifestyles which is important. It was something I wasn’t prepared to compromise on.

No yanbu at all. Not the same but my mum was a heavy smoker, I nagged at her for years to stop until I accepted she never would. Lost her 4 years ago to lung cancer, but I think I'd already accepted that would be how it would go, didn't stop it being fucking hard though.
Day to day you've got to deal with the sheer anti-social aspect of it. Being abandoned in cafe/pub/restaurant so they can nip out for a fag, coming back smelling of smoke & that rubbing off on your clothes. Not wanting to do certain things eg/ concert, cinema as it means not being able to nip for a fag. Planning holidays around how long will flight be, will they need a patch, can they smoke in hotel/apartment. How much it actually costs to smoke 20 a day is flabbergasting, what are they going without to fund their habit? They won't notice as they are prioritising ciggies, but the I've no money to go out this weekend/you'll need to wait for your birthday present etc etc will soon wear thin.
Then long term yes there is the worry, every cough, you'll want them to go to the doctor, they'll put their head a little deeper in the sand and so on. & it's not just lung cancer, there is a whole array of life limiting/changing illnesses caused by smoking. And of course if it's someone you love dearly who is ill you still support & care for them, but it does make you bitter as hell.
And breathe. Sorry if that was lecturing OP, I'm obviously still carrying more baggage than I realised.