To not date someone because they smoke?

[aleohf]

Really like a guy, everything about him is perfect. Known him years.

He has absolutely no intentions to stop smoking and smokes about 20 a day.

AIBU for this to ruin everything?

The smuggery and idiocy on this thread is par for the course for Mumsnet.

What's smug and idiotic about not wanting to be with someone who reeks of cigarettes, is endangering their health and life and may affect the health of any children you might have? You can avoid having to break up with a smoker you have fallen in love with by not dating smokers in the first place - simple! It was only when I moved away from my smoker parents' house that I stopped gettind bronchitis after almost every cold I got.

Fortunately there are plenty of non-smokers (and vegetarians) who aren't mass murderers. Nobody is suggesting that smokers are bad people. There are lots of non-bad people I wouldn't want to date, for a whole variety of reasons!

Yes you might choose to date a smoker. But others and I might choose not to. It’s everyones own personal choice. You don’t get to tell other people their choice is wrong. And other people don’t get to tell you your choice is wrong. We were asked for opinions. We gave them.

Smoking is one of my pet hates. No way would I date a smoker. YADNBU!

It is so peak Mumsnet to hate smokers and I don't smoke

^You might choose to date a smoker. But others and I might choose not to. It’s everyones own personal choice. You don’t get to tell other people their choice is wrong"

But I'm not doing that EmeraldBookshelf, Can you say where I have?

I'd prefer that my partner didn't smoke because it's not very pleasant. But if they did and had other fine qualities rather than much worse ones that many people have - like domestic violence, casual misogyny and racism, I might overlook it in the big scheme of things

I wouldn't. Smokers' breath is foul, even after they brush their teeth and the money they waste on their habit, not to mention having to hang around outside while they have a fag break every half hour, urgh, no amazing qualities could outweigh the stench and inconvenience of dating a smoker to me.

If you're even considering it, maybe you don't feel as strongly as I do. TBH I would rather not date anyone who even USED to smoke, as I think anyone who does is an idiot. DP was a smoker when he was younger but had quit many years before we met and is now a born-again non-smoker, and finds it as foul as I do, not one of those who is hankering for a ciggy for the rest of their life, so I let him off!

Smokers' breath is foul

I don't know RagingWhoreBag

In a top three I'd put smoker's breath way behind tonsil stones and people who don't floss. I'd put coffee breath a smidge ahead just behind stale alcohol.

I floss but am a martyr to tonsil stones. If you don't know, they are calcified rotting matter that lodges in the crevices of your tonsils They stink something chronic but my non smoking husband is sticking with me for the moment.

There is nothing that I can do about them

Personally I'd go for someone who didn't smoke and was also not prone to domestic violence, misogyny or racism. But hey maybe I set the bar too high, eh?

Quite aside from the fact that smoking is repulsive, how on earth does anyone afford it?

A friend was recently telling me he bought a pack of cigarettes for a friend recently because whenever they go out he spends the evening scrounging cigarettes from people and it’s embarrassing so he bought him a pack in advance. Cost him a tenner. if you’re a twenty a day smoker that’s £70 a week.

My grandad smoked and died of smoking related illness. EXH’s grandad smoked and died of an annurism. In fact he used to just light up wherever he was, and the one time he came to our house I reminded eXH in advance that he would have to tell him to go outside because I refused to have anyone smoke in my house whoever they were. Fortunately he went without being asked, but whenever he went into MIL’s house he would just light up. Revolting.

i also moved into a house where the previous occupants had been smokers. All the walls, ceilings etc were discoloured from cigarette smoke and the downstairs bathroom reeked of it and it didn’t have a window. The only way to get rid was to redecorate the whole house.

Smoking would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Fortunately smoking is now seen as mostly very anti social so people don’t take it up as readily as they used to.

However it’s worth noting that I was in hospital a couple of years ago and a couple of patients were discharged who were smokers. The question they were asked didn’t centre around them cutting down but was directly what action they would be taking to quit. No if’s buts or maybe’s, quitting was seen as the only option, esp given they were all there for heart-related issues.

I don’t think it’s smuggery to say you wouldn’t date a smoker. I wouldn’t even be willing to drunkenly snog one. They may be a perfectly nice person but there’s no hope of a relationship if I find the idea of kissing someone repulsive.

It is so peak Mumsnet to hate smokers and I don't smoke

I don’t hate smokers. But I’m not kissing one.

Happy to be friends with a smoker. Just not to experience their body fluids.

YANBU it makes me shudder thinking about it.

I get annoyed walking past someone who has blown smoke in my face/ around my child. I have a few friends who smoke and I can’t be near them when they do it. It repulses me!

YANBU

I don't smoke and it's really not in the same league as domestic violence, misogyny or racism Knittink.

In my top 10 dealbreakers I'd say:

10: People who like Abba
9: Noel Edmonds
8: Oysters
7: Boris Jphnson
6:Beetroot
5: Murderers
4:Rapists
3: People who torture animals
2: Child molesters
1: Pol Pot. I was thinking of Hitler but he's a bit obvious

Notice that smokers aren't in there

I would date a smoker, for a quick fling, but wouldn’t get serious with a smoker. I smoked 20 a day for over 10 years, still smoke if I’m at the pub but been “quit” for almost 4 and I couldn’t imagine having fags back in the house, all that money, constant smell, health issues

It is so peak Mumsnet to hate smokers and I don't smoke

It's got sod all to do with Mumsnet.

Limited
“smuggery and idiocy” for having a different opionion to you.
“You have to consider it in the round” ...err, no I don’t. I can consider any aspect of a person I like before deciding whether to date them. You can do as you like.
I see what you’re getting at. I have a close friend who smokes. I hate the smoking. I love her. I accept her as she is. However, I cannot and will not live with a smoker. DS1 is asthmatic, DS2 has eczema, I hate the smell and the health implications. I could not live with it even if the person was lovely. It’s good to have dealbreakers. It’s been good for me to be specific about what I want and don’t want in many different aspects. Smoking is one.

Aww dp is wonderful but he has the occassional cigarette when stressed ( out of the house, on a walk) I normally catch him out and we joke about it. I do worry about his health and nag him about it but do i love him less ...nah.
Im an ex smoker myself so i cant judge. Fwiw he is trying to give up ...not because im making him but because he wants to. He goes to groups etc.

Id say that my dps kindness, bedroom skills, intelligence , generosity, connection and being tje best dad ever overrides the fact thay he nips off for the odd ciggarette. Each to their own though ...i could never date a tory or a brexiter.

No thank you just the mere thought of licking out an ashtray would put me off.

The smell on him alone would be a no no and lets not forget that cigarette smell transfer onto furniture etc.

Nope, my husband (started in the 70s), it’s a pain, it stink, it’s a nightmare when we’re flying, always has to disappear mid meal, or pop off for one just before we eat. Never again!

Husband Smokes

Completely up to you. I wouldn’t though, mainly because the few times I’ve kissed a smoker it’s been gross.