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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mil and dds nursery photos

254 replies

Greensweets · 30/11/2018 14:44

Hi everyone have NC for this as my other posts are quite outing.

Yesterday after nursery pick up I received my dds 1st nursery photos. Back when we were choosing through the packages dh and i decided to order a trio frame with each photo in for ourselves and then we chose 1 of the photos and had 4 copies done for my parents, mil and dbil and his wife.

Yesterday I invited mil around for a cup of tea and a catch up and so that I could give her the photo as a surprise she didn't know we had ordered any photos for anyone as money has been a little tighter over the last few months. Mil was happy with her photo but then she spotted my trio frame with all 3 of the different photos in she immediately kicked off and went into full tantrum mode and said she wanted the trio frame and dh and i should keep the single I explained that everyone else had been given the same and that as her parents sometimes it's nice for us to have photos for ourselves that others don't have. Mil still unhappy with this said it's not fair as we are with dd all the time so she should get the frame with the other photos in she then tried picking the frame up and heading for the door after throwing the single photo dh took the frame off her and said no and that he had paid for the trio frame as one of my Christmas presents and that she should count herself lucky we bought a photo for anyone else.

Mil started screaming in our faces and saying none of it was fair oh and that my dad had collected dd from nursery the week before because I had a hospital appointment and that she should of been asked I said I didnt ask her to because she was at work and also she doesn't drive.

I make sure I see mil atleast once a week with dd I dont know where all this jealousy has come from she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all because my dad collected her 1 day and dropped her straight to me dd was in my dad's care for roughly half an hour.

All this over a flaming photo I feel like just giving her the frame to shut her up but then going very low contact.

We ask both my parents and mil to babysit equally and she actually sees more of dd then my parents so I dont understand what this is all about.

Any advice? She's always been quite possessive over dd but I've always let it go over my head.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 30/11/2018 14:48

She said you aren't allowed to be around your own daughter? Shock

Low contact until she apologises and you are always around with your daughter until you know she will behave like a normal and sane human being.

Don't let her ruin Christmas.

Oswin · 30/11/2018 14:48

Stop letting it go over your head. People like this will keep bullying if you let this go. I wouldn't be going near her until I had a proper apology. And no way on earth would she be having dd alone.

BertrandRussell · 30/11/2018 14:49

Is she quite well? This sounds pretty extreme behaviour....

If she is, then all I can think of is avoiding her for a while and see if she calms down. Certainly don't give her the picture!

NameChangeCuddleBums · 30/11/2018 14:49

Don’t give her alone time with DD she sounds like she doesn’t have control of her reactions.

TrickyKid · 30/11/2018 14:49

Tell her to order one for herself. You can usually order extras directly from the photography company rather than via nursery. She sounds like hard work.

Blanchedupetitpois · 30/11/2018 14:50

She sounds absolutely awful. She has no right to demand any kind of one on one contact. I would be pushing back and telling her unless she’s willing to apologise for the photo thing and accept that she’s not entitled to make demands about your DD she’ll be lucky to get any contact.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/11/2018 14:50

Do not give her the frame! She sounds deranged. Is she prone to such shenanigans?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/11/2018 14:51

Seriously? A grown woman acted like this? Dont overly engage with her at this point- and I wouldnt agree to never being with your dd when shes with her. Do what you like, you're her mother.

Snowwontbelong · 30/11/2018 14:51

Shoving the frame up her arse would have been most appropriate op.
She does not get to see dd until she apologises imo.
Batshit cf of the day award.

raindancemumma · 30/11/2018 14:51

I have had issues with possessiveness in the past too. It was on DHs side so he dealt with it. If there's an issue with my family I address it. Not very helpful I'm afraid, but I think you'll be made out as the 'bad guy' if you try and sort this out.

MsSquiz · 30/11/2018 14:52

Anyone who demanded 1 on 1 contact with my child would absolutely not get it!

loubluee · 30/11/2018 14:53

Bloody hell.........

MeredithGrey1 · 30/11/2018 14:55

Mil still unhappy with this said it's not fair as we are with dd all the time so she should get the frame

Of course you’re with DD all the time, she’s your DD!! What an odd thing for her to say.
Do not give her the frame!

As for her demanding one on one time where you are not “allowed” to be present, I think she needs reminding that you do not need to be allowed to see DD, it’s her that needs your permission/invitation.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/11/2018 14:56

She sounds deranged.

If you give her the order number she will be able to order her own photos. I cant see why that would be a problem, i do think the comment about parents liking to have photos other people dont have is a bit odd. Trying to take your frame is very strange and totally unreasonable though!

ArialAnna · 30/11/2018 14:57

Personally I'd go nc until a full and sincere apology was given. And I wouldn't allow any one to one contact. She sounds unhinged.

Seeingadistance · 30/11/2018 15:00

As a pp has already said, she sound deranged. This is in no way normal behaviour!

Has she always been like this, and you've just got used to it? I can honestly say that I've never been in the presence of another adult behaving in such a way.

otheractivities · 30/11/2018 15:00

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Greensweets · 30/11/2018 15:00

I have a feeling this has been brewing for a while on her end late summer mil asked to take dd to bils for a week he lives abouy 300 miles away I said no but we would be happy to travel up and meet her there for the weekend and if there wasn't room for us we would book into a cheap hotel near we didn't have a holiday this year so that would of been doable mil refused and said she had wanted to take dd alone but didn't say anymore about it. She's acted a bit funny ever since its not that i didn't trust us it's just dd is only 2

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 30/11/2018 15:03

She does not sound like someone who is mentally well.

Original poster
Greensweets · 30/11/2018 15:04

The whole thing with the frame was really weird I could barely believe it was happening.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 30/11/2018 15:05

She sounds really unstable.
Has she always been like this, or is it some kind of change in her personality ?
Would anyone be able to persuade her to see a Doctor ? Completely irrational behaviour like that ought to be checked out really.

dontfluffthefluffer · 30/11/2018 15:07

Sounds like she's decided she's lost control of you all now that you've got dd and she's having a massive tantrum when it's slowly dawned on her.

She needs to back the fuck up and be told in no uncertain terms that acting like a spoilt brat won't help her cause.

She wants a photo? She pays for it. Get given a gift, be gracious and thankful. Spend time with her grandchild, she should be happy she can.

Batshit!

SummerGems · 30/11/2018 15:11

If this really happened I would actually be speaking to dh and other siblings to persuade her to seek some medical help.

This kind of behaviour really isn’t normal and should be checked out medically IMHO. Could be the start of dementia or similar for instance.

MamaLovesMango · 30/11/2018 15:12

she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all

Tell her to get to fuck and she can have contact with your DD when she can behave like an adult. Until then no contact at all.

HoustonBess · 30/11/2018 15:17

I'd be worried rather than angry. Sounds like she's off the rails.