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Original poster

Mil and dds nursery photos

254 replies

Greensweets · 30/11/2018 14:44

Hi everyone have NC for this as my other posts are quite outing.

Yesterday after nursery pick up I received my dds 1st nursery photos. Back when we were choosing through the packages dh and i decided to order a trio frame with each photo in for ourselves and then we chose 1 of the photos and had 4 copies done for my parents, mil and dbil and his wife.

Yesterday I invited mil around for a cup of tea and a catch up and so that I could give her the photo as a surprise she didn't know we had ordered any photos for anyone as money has been a little tighter over the last few months. Mil was happy with her photo but then she spotted my trio frame with all 3 of the different photos in she immediately kicked off and went into full tantrum mode and said she wanted the trio frame and dh and i should keep the single I explained that everyone else had been given the same and that as her parents sometimes it's nice for us to have photos for ourselves that others don't have. Mil still unhappy with this said it's not fair as we are with dd all the time so she should get the frame with the other photos in she then tried picking the frame up and heading for the door after throwing the single photo dh took the frame off her and said no and that he had paid for the trio frame as one of my Christmas presents and that she should count herself lucky we bought a photo for anyone else.

Mil started screaming in our faces and saying none of it was fair oh and that my dad had collected dd from nursery the week before because I had a hospital appointment and that she should of been asked I said I didnt ask her to because she was at work and also she doesn't drive.

I make sure I see mil atleast once a week with dd I dont know where all this jealousy has come from she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all because my dad collected her 1 day and dropped her straight to me dd was in my dad's care for roughly half an hour.

All this over a flaming photo I feel like just giving her the frame to shut her up but then going very low contact.

We ask both my parents and mil to babysit equally and she actually sees more of dd then my parents so I dont understand what this is all about.

Any advice? She's always been quite possessive over dd but I've always let it go over my head.

OP posts:
Faerie87 · 30/11/2018 16:08

Why an earth do so many MIL want the grandchildren all to themselves???

Mines similar I get sarcastic comments from mine about how I need to bugger off when I visit with my DD.

Also get the whole competitive behaviour, my mil has a bitch to my oh if my mum sees dd more than she does!

Di11y · 30/11/2018 16:12

crazy behaviour, but wonder whether the company that did the photo would allow a late order and deliver and your mil could pay?

thegreylady · 30/11/2018 16:12

This is so odd. I rarely see much of my schoolage dgc with their parents. I’d love a good natter with dd but it rarely happens. I do after school (two schools) give the boys tea and stay till a parent comes in about 6ish then have to rush home to elderly dh.

kateandme · 30/11/2018 16:12

now its NOT funny but this is almost laughable its so unberlievable.i was just reading it thinking no way someone behaved like this over a photo.to just walk away taking the photo!erm no.
don't bow down and give her it.and tell her to treat you with a little bit more respect or youll all have to walk away for a while. because you do not want someone as aggressive and suddnely manic to look after or be anywhere near ur dd or yourselves.

QueenofallIsee · 30/11/2018 16:15

Anyone, no matter their relationship to my family, that had the audacity to tell me i wasn’t allowed to be with my own children would not be welcome in my home or life lightly. This goes way way beyond a tantrum, she is effectively saying she wants a custody arrangement for your child! Unwell or unreasonable, it doesn’t really matter - unstable is the word that matters. Your husband needs to keep her away.

agnurse · 30/11/2018 16:16

I'm thinking too that she needs a check up.

She attempted to STEAL from you, threw something, and feels she should have unsupervised time with your child that you're not "allowed" to attend?

Stuff that for a game of soldiers. I would be telling her in NO uncertain terms that until she gets a check up, you get a sincere apology, and she behaves as an adult, she will not be seeing you OR DD AT ALL.

Tistheseason17 · 30/11/2018 16:16

Three do's

Do you love your grandchild?
Do you want a relationship with her?
Do as you're fucking told

^ this with bells on!

Give her the contact for the nursery photographer so she can buy her won trio and she can look at those photos until she apologies.

I hope your DH is on your side with this, OP?

WinklemansFringe · 30/11/2018 16:18

She doesn't sound at all well, and I would be wary about her having any 1-2-1 time with your DD

Groovee · 30/11/2018 16:18

Think your Dh did the right thing taking the frame off her. But it probably made her temper tantrum worse.

I would be low contact with her from now on and speak with dh about how to handle her from now on.

SilverLining10 · 30/11/2018 16:18

Why are you and your dh entertaining any of this?

She sounds deranged and that surely should be enough to not do anything she says or asks.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/11/2018 16:21

"she's always been quite possessive over dd but I've always let it go over my head"

That was your big mistake sadly with someone like this. This has been brewing for a while also.

His mother is not unwell at all, she is throwing her toys out of the pram here because she wants her own way. Do not give her anything now, let alone the frame. She does not deserve to see any of you, let alone your child now.

I doubt too that she will ever apologise here; such disordered of thinking people do not apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions. This is really who she is.

DarlingNikita · 30/11/2018 16:25

Either a medical issue (maybe dementia) or she's just an unpleasant individual.

What does your DH think?

I wouldn't want to see her any more, much less let her have your DD on her own. What is is with MILs being obsessed with getting their GCs on their own, by the way? I only ever read about it on here.

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/11/2018 16:26

She’s batshit and no way in hell would I be allowing her ANY time alone with my DC

BlueJava · 30/11/2018 16:43

Wow! That's seems way, way over the top and very extreme, especially if it's all over a photo/photo trio! I think keep contact low and distance yourself - plus make sure you have a lovely Xmas without her!

Mishappening · 30/11/2018 16:47

Blimey - she sounds like the toddler here!

I think you simply need to tell her she is being very silly indeed, and that you are not prepare to listen to any more of this nonsense.

Holidayshopping · 30/11/2018 16:51

she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all

She sounds mentally unwell. She wouldn’t be spending any time with my daughter at all if she behaved like that.

What has your DH said to her about it?

Marcipex · 30/11/2018 16:55

I wouldn't let her have any unsupervised contact with your dd because she sounds unhinged.

Original poster
Greensweets · 30/11/2018 17:29

I dont want to drip feed but there's been so many other things in the past I dont think she's ill she has form for this sort of thing but the worst I have seen of her was yesterday. Dh has arrived home from work apprently she's been on the phone most of the day in tears saying she's sure I will stop her seeing dd and that she wants to do her "nanny duties"

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 30/11/2018 17:34

Dh has arrived home from work apprently she's been on the phone most of the day in tears saying she's sure I will stop her seeing dd and that she wants to do her "nanny duties"

And what did he say to her in response? I presume, judging by the phrases in your post, that he didn’t tell her to get stuffed?

MamaLovesMango · 30/11/2018 17:35

I don’t doubt for a moment that there has been other things. Your first mistake was entertaining her. You need to get DH to stop this dead unless you want to spend the rest of your married life dealing with her escalating crap. If he won’t, then you’ve got a DH problem.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 30/11/2018 17:35

I wouldn't entirely discount ill-health. Sometimes mental deterioration in older age can start with intensification of behaviour/traits that were already present, iyswim.

However, you should not be entertaining this behaviour, whatever the cause. There certainly can't be any one-to-one contact. She needs to be told, calmly and factually, by dh that she owes you an apology. Her response will probably be quite indicative.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/11/2018 17:36

In your shoes I'd be going NC OP. She sounds scary and like she's got an unhealthy obsession with having DD on her own.

Littlechocola · 30/11/2018 17:40

Are you not worried about her?

If this actually happened it sounds like she might need some help.

Brenna24 · 30/11/2018 17:41

I hope that your DH backs you up and that her contact with your DD is reduced until she is able to behave appropriately.

MrsMrsMrsMrs · 30/11/2018 17:43

Lordy. She sounds really unstable. I’m sorry you’re having to put up with this. I hope your OH is on your side 100% as this could cause big problems down the line if not nipped in the bud.
Really stand your ground as much as you can. Good luck!

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