Mil and dds nursery photos

[Greensweets]

Hi everyone have NC for this as my other posts are quite outing.

Yesterday after nursery pick up I received my dds 1st nursery photos. Back when we were choosing through the packages dh and i decided to order a trio frame with each photo in for ourselves and then we chose 1 of the photos and had 4 copies done for my parents, mil and dbil and his wife.

Yesterday I invited mil around for a cup of tea and a catch up and so that I could give her the photo as a surprise she didn't know we had ordered any photos for anyone as money has been a little tighter over the last few months. Mil was happy with her photo but then she spotted my trio frame with all 3 of the different photos in she immediately kicked off and went into full tantrum mode and said she wanted the trio frame and dh and i should keep the single I explained that everyone else had been given the same and that as her parents sometimes it's nice for us to have photos for ourselves that others don't have. Mil still unhappy with this said it's not fair as we are with dd all the time so she should get the frame with the other photos in she then tried picking the frame up and heading for the door after throwing the single photo dh took the frame off her and said no and that he had paid for the trio frame as one of my Christmas presents and that she should count herself lucky we bought a photo for anyone else.

Mil started screaming in our faces and saying none of it was fair oh and that my dad had collected dd from nursery the week before because I had a hospital appointment and that she should of been asked I said I didnt ask her to because she was at work and also she doesn't drive.

I make sure I see mil atleast once a week with dd I dont know where all this jealousy has come from she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all because my dad collected her 1 day and dropped her straight to me dd was in my dad's care for roughly half an hour.

All this over a flaming photo I feel like just giving her the frame to shut her up but then going very low contact.

We ask both my parents and mil to babysit equally and she actually sees more of dd then my parents so I dont understand what this is all about.

Any advice? She's always been quite possessive over dd but I've always let it go over my head.

she's now demanded 1 on 1 contact with dd once a week and said I am not allowed to be present all

I get on really well with my MIL but I remember when DD1 was about 6 months old, we were at a party and my MIL had had a couple of drinks and told me off for 'hogging' my DD. Apparently I didn't let other people have her enough. I remember being so taken aback. I couldn't understand why anyone would think they had any kind of say over how much time I could spend holding my OWN DD. However throwing a tantrum and demanding 1 on 1 contact is odd behaviour, your MIL doesn't sound well. Hope you manage to sort things out.

Any update OP?

I've just seen this!
WOW - well done OP.
I agree she sounds mentally unwell.
And I hope you can get to some amicable solution with her.
But I'm not sure you'll ever get any boundaries in place on this one.
I hope this week has been peaceful for you.

I didn’t want to ‘read and run’ but can only echo the advice of other posters about n/c and treating mil as a potential risk to your dd. Sadly she obviously has zero insight into the impact and inappropriateness of her behaviour, and that’s dangerous. I’m a step-parent of ‘children’ nearly as old as I am. I’ve avoided mil issues. I have seen grandparents trying to work out all sorts of unresolved problems via grandchildren. Not pretty. Ever. Your mil sounds like she has deeply entrenched problems. Hope your xmas is a peaceful one, OP