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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave an 11 year old alone with a sleeping baby for 5 minutes

365 replies

user1494844391 · 30/11/2018 12:01

DD1 (21) has an 8 week old baby girl with an ex boyfriend who is not involved. The last 8 weeks have been okay, DD struggled a bit but that's to be expected, being a new single mum. We have had DGD at ours a couple of nights a week and that has helped DD to cope. Yesterday DD dropped DGD off at lunchtime, as she was going to a friends birthday lunch and they were all planning on having a few drinks, nowhere near to the point of getting drunk or anything, but DD thought baby would be better off with me anyway. DH was at work and DD2 (11) was off school due to a twisted ankle she got the day before while walking the dog. It was about an hour after DGD had been dropped off and she was sound asleep in her basket in the living room. I smelt that her nappy needed changing but when I checked her bag that DD had left I realized there were no nappies in there, DD had forgotten. The corner shop is a 2 minute walk away, so I decided to go there to get some. I didn't want to wake DGD up as she looked so peaceful. I figured DD1 would be okay to watch her for 5 minutes while I went to the shop for 5 minutes. DGD was unlikely to wake up, and DD11 is trustworthy enough to stay downstairs and keep an eye on her for such a short amount of time. I gave her a quick rundown, don't disturb baby, but stay in the room until I get back. I told her to phone me straight away if she noticed baby had gone a funny colour/stopped breathing etc just to be on the safe side. Off I went, and I get back to find DD1 had returned early.

DD1 was horrified. She said she got to the bar with her friends and felt like she was just a downer to them as she was so tired and couldn't relate to anything they were talking about so made an excuse to leave. She'd come straight to mine to collect baby only to find me gone and baby alone with DD2. DD2 said she explained I had only nipped to the shop but DD1 was furious. DD1 called me an awful mother and grandmother, claimed I put DGD in a dangerous situation and said "What were you thinking leaving a baby alone with a kid?". I was shocked at this reaction. DD2 is very mature for her age and DD1 has said that to me herself before. But she was so angry at the idea of DD2 being alone with her baby for 5 minutes. If it had been 30 minutes or even 15 it would be a completely different situation but for 5 minutes while the baby is sleeping and DD2 is a metre away from her watching? I feel it is a complete overreaction.

DD1 took baby and left. I haven't heard from her since despite me trying to ring her. DH agrees DD2 has made an issue over nothing and has told me she will come round, saying it's just hormones and lack of sleep. But I'm starting to question if I have messed up. DD2 has been very upset, she feels like her sister doesn't trust her with her niece and DD2 is devastated as she has always been so close with her sister.

WIBU?

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 30/11/2018 12:04

Yes ywbu the baby is 8 weeks old ffs

BiscuitDrama · 30/11/2018 12:04

I think I would have done what you did.

leeloo1 · 30/11/2018 12:05

I'm guessing dd1 felt out of sorts because she didn't fit in with her friends, then left them and she's taking it out on you. I think you made the right choice leaving dgd with dd2 and if dd1 had left nappies then you wouldn't even have had to do that.

But... 8 weeks pp I'd try to be kind to dd1 anyway.

HavelockVetinari · 30/11/2018 12:06

Yes YWBU, that's a stupid risk to take with someone else's baby.

Skyejuly · 30/11/2018 12:06

If the shop is that close then yanbu

Lightsong · 30/11/2018 12:06

I would have sent the 11 year old to the shop TBH

BiscuitDrama · 30/11/2018 12:06

And to add, did DD 1 say what she was worried might happen? Had she said DD2 is not to be left in the same room as the baby while you go to the loo etc?

NC4Now · 30/11/2018 12:07

Too little I’m afraid.

NC4Now · 30/11/2018 12:08

Yes, I’d have sent the 11yo to the shop too.

AnotherEmma · 30/11/2018 12:08

YANBU

Your DD should have provided nappies.
She should be grateful that you are helping out so much.
Baby was fast asleep and you only went out for 5 minutes.
As your 11yo was comfortable watching the sleeping baby for 5 minutes and calling you if needed, it was fine.
A sensible 11yo is perfectly capable of doing that.
What else were you supposed to do? Not change baby's nappy?

She overreacted, she was being unreasonable and ungrateful and she owes you an apology.

choli · 30/11/2018 12:09

Yes YWBU, that's a stupid risk to take with someone else's baby.

Risk of what exactly?

AnotherEmma · 30/11/2018 12:09

Read the post properly, people! 11yo had a twisted ankle. She couldn't easily walk to the shop.

cardibach · 30/11/2018 12:10

Havelock what’s the risk? I’m guessing OP would be out for less time than it takes to shower. I left my baby alone while I did that, not even an 11 year old to watch for problems. The baby was sleeping - like at night. Would it be risky to not set a 24hr adult watch?
Not unreasonable OP, but I agree with a PP that your daughter felt a bit out of sorts and took it out on you.

crrrzy · 30/11/2018 12:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

ShadowWeaver · 30/11/2018 12:11

Is having an 11 year old sitting watching a baby for 5 minutes(I'd say even 15 minutes was ok-i used to babysit at that age) any different to mum being upstairs sorting the washing/going to the loo for 10 minutes?
No doubt Dd2 took the job seriously and literally sat and watched baby (i would have)

Andyetanothernamechange · 30/11/2018 12:11

OP said the 11 year old had a twisted ankle, so I assume she couldn't walk to the shop easily.

I think I'd have done what you did. Did DD1 suggest what you should have done? Did she think you should have woken the baby and taken her with you?

BertramKibbler · 30/11/2018 12:12

YANBU. I suspect DD1 was in a bad mood because of deciding to leave the drinks early and took it out on you.

SaucyJack · 30/11/2018 12:12

You didn’t do anything wrong- but it sounds as if your oldest was having a bad day so try not to take it to heart.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/11/2018 12:14

Oh dear - how horrible for you. You took a careful and thought through decision weighed up the risks and decided they were minuscule which, of course, they were.

Your daughter has overreacted and is being slightly irrational but she’s a new mum with a tiny baby and I kind of understand why she reacted the way she did. You’ve clearly managed to raise two daughters successfully so you must know what you’re doing.

I would give her a bit of space for now and I’m sure your DH is right, eventually she’ll come around.

Pinkkittens292 · 30/11/2018 12:14

The 11 year old was off with a twisted ankle so I'm assuming she wasn't fit to walk to the shop?
I don't know.
I can see it from both sides.
If it was me I wouldn't have risked it even for a short time with a baby that young. I can totally understand why your eldest daughter is upset.
On the other hand I don't think you need to beat yourself up about it as you say your 11 year old is sensible and trustworthy (which I'm sure she is) and if the shop is literally down the road from you then I can understand why you judged it to be safe to pop out.
I'm sure your eldest daughter will understand in time.
I hope you can resolve this and she will learn to trust you again.

EmmaGellerGreen · 30/11/2018 12:14

Ywnbu. She was unreasonable for not providing nappies. Doubtless she would have been cross if she’d come home to find that baby had been left in a dirty nappy!

Linziepie · 30/11/2018 12:15

YABU you should have sent the girl to the shop or took the baby with you. I have a 14 week old and would not be happy with her being left with a child.

Fattymcfaterson · 30/11/2018 12:15

Too little for what? I don't understand what people think is going to happen?? I spend longer on the loo or in the shower, it's the same thing!

Laughing at the previous poster who thinks you should have made dd2 hobble to the shop with a twisted ankle!!

user1494844391 · 30/11/2018 12:17

DD1 had insisted I should have woken baby up and took her to the cornershop in the buggy. I reminded her that she had told me she'd rather I didn't take baby out as she has a sniffle and it was a cold day (thought I'd mentioned that part in the OP but I see I didn't). She the argued she still would have preferred that to me leaving baby.

DD2 can't walk from the living room to the kitchen at this point. If she was fit I would have asked her to get nappies.

OP posts:
Barbeito · 30/11/2018 12:17

You did nothing wrong. DD is tired and emotional and probably a bit sad and took it out on you

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