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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave an 11 year old alone with a sleeping baby for 5 minutes

365 replies

user1494844391 · 30/11/2018 12:01

DD1 (21) has an 8 week old baby girl with an ex boyfriend who is not involved. The last 8 weeks have been okay, DD struggled a bit but that's to be expected, being a new single mum. We have had DGD at ours a couple of nights a week and that has helped DD to cope. Yesterday DD dropped DGD off at lunchtime, as she was going to a friends birthday lunch and they were all planning on having a few drinks, nowhere near to the point of getting drunk or anything, but DD thought baby would be better off with me anyway. DH was at work and DD2 (11) was off school due to a twisted ankle she got the day before while walking the dog. It was about an hour after DGD had been dropped off and she was sound asleep in her basket in the living room. I smelt that her nappy needed changing but when I checked her bag that DD had left I realized there were no nappies in there, DD had forgotten. The corner shop is a 2 minute walk away, so I decided to go there to get some. I didn't want to wake DGD up as she looked so peaceful. I figured DD1 would be okay to watch her for 5 minutes while I went to the shop for 5 minutes. DGD was unlikely to wake up, and DD11 is trustworthy enough to stay downstairs and keep an eye on her for such a short amount of time. I gave her a quick rundown, don't disturb baby, but stay in the room until I get back. I told her to phone me straight away if she noticed baby had gone a funny colour/stopped breathing etc just to be on the safe side. Off I went, and I get back to find DD1 had returned early.

DD1 was horrified. She said she got to the bar with her friends and felt like she was just a downer to them as she was so tired and couldn't relate to anything they were talking about so made an excuse to leave. She'd come straight to mine to collect baby only to find me gone and baby alone with DD2. DD2 said she explained I had only nipped to the shop but DD1 was furious. DD1 called me an awful mother and grandmother, claimed I put DGD in a dangerous situation and said "What were you thinking leaving a baby alone with a kid?". I was shocked at this reaction. DD2 is very mature for her age and DD1 has said that to me herself before. But she was so angry at the idea of DD2 being alone with her baby for 5 minutes. If it had been 30 minutes or even 15 it would be a completely different situation but for 5 minutes while the baby is sleeping and DD2 is a metre away from her watching? I feel it is a complete overreaction.

DD1 took baby and left. I haven't heard from her since despite me trying to ring her. DH agrees DD2 has made an issue over nothing and has told me she will come round, saying it's just hormones and lack of sleep. But I'm starting to question if I have messed up. DD2 has been very upset, she feels like her sister doesn't trust her with her niece and DD2 is devastated as she has always been so close with her sister.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Limensoda · 03/12/2018 13:30

YANBU
If your DD can't trust her 11 year old with the baby for five minutes she's doing something wrong.
She shouldn't leave the baby at all if she is so paranoid.

NorahPerry · 03/12/2018 13:52

Many years ago I was a single mum and I used to have to go the shops and leave my baby alone while she was asleep.

Who the hell does this?!! It's one thing leaving with a sensible 11 year old but alone? Anything could happen in the time it takes you to go shopping. At least an 11 year old can call 999, alert a neighbour or call their parents.

Utterly irresponsible thing to do regardless of how long ago it was.

skunkatanka · 03/12/2018 14:31

There's some ridiculous comments on this thread with poor parents validating poor parenting choices. It matters not one jot whether you're a single parent, you don't leave a baby alone in a house while you go to the shop!
I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving my very sensible 11 year old in charge of a baby. It's far too much responsibility on young shoulders. However, your dd1 is clearly all over the place if she hasn't brought nappies for her baby. I don't understand why you haven't got supplies at your house anyway, given that the baby sleeps there twice a week.

StarlightIntheNight · 03/12/2018 14:37

I think its your DD who is being unreasonable! You went to corner shop to get diapers, because didn't pack any. She is the one who forgot to pack diapers and going to a bar when the baby is only 8 weeks, is irresponsible. But I guess she is just a kid herself...

Meganc559 · 03/12/2018 15:40

Going to a bar when the baby's 8 weeks how is that irresponsible! Is she not allowed a night to let her hair down! She's been pregnant for 9 months! And she just forgot bloody nappies! Everyone forgets things! No big deal! Op should have taken baby with her. People are being far too unfair on baby's mum

abbsisspartacus · 04/12/2018 07:54

It's not one night out though is it? Her mom gets two overnights a week

Meganc559 · 04/12/2018 09:30

The lassies a single mum so she doesn't gwt a break with a partner helping with the night feeds! And if op agreed to have the baby then she shouldn't be complaining and she really should have checked with her daughter if it was OK for the sister to watch the baby

SnuggyBuggy · 04/12/2018 11:57

Lots of mums single or otherwise don't get any overnights or evenings out especially when their babies are so little.

Hideandgo · 04/12/2018 12:01

Sounds fine. But keep in mine DD1 is still quite young so might see her little sister as a baby and irresponsible and a pain the the ass as siblings do, so can’t imagine her being an ok choice for 5 mins. DD1 will also possibly be at the absolute height of anxiety as a new mum and compounded by a bad night out with friends, may have overreacted.

abbsisspartacus · 05/12/2018 03:49

Not so anxious she can't drop the kid off twice a week

IAmMumWho · 05/12/2018 07:35

If DGD is grown up for her age I'd have sent her to the shops, if it's only a couple of minutes away. I would never leave a child and baby unattended under any circumstances.

You could have taken the baby with you also. If my mum did that I'd not be leaving the baby with her again.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 05/12/2018 08:11

What does your daughter think happens when you have her overnight? Are you supposed to watch her round the clock or is "that type" of unsupervised sleeping ok? And if so, why?

I agree that she's stressed and possibly embarrassed now she's made such a big deal about it and doesn't want to back down. I'd try the approach of declining any more overnights on the basis that you can't guarantee your granddaughter's safety within the parameters of her remit

PixieBob28 · 05/12/2018 08:33

She should of left you some bloody nappies, what an idiot! Stop faffing about getting herself ready for her night out and sort out her babies bag out properly which is more important! Baffled YANOTBU

SnuggyBuggy · 05/12/2018 08:34

Has she seen her GP about possible PND yet?

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2018 11:54

IAmMumWho

The 11 year-old had a twisted ankle so couldn't go to the shops. (in the OP)

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